Parents Jailed For Children's Crimes

 

Jennifer Crumbley was found guilty (Feb. 2024) of involuntary manslaughter because she did not stop her 15 year old son from shooting and killing four people in a Michigan school shooting. She became the first parent in the U.S. to be held responsible for a child carrying out a mass school attack. Victims of the crime cheered while parents across America groaned.

We often sit around and complain about the horrible condition our state or country is in. We see our youth, young men with their pants hanging off of their butts and young girls displaying sexuality early in life. The children display a lack of interest in education, oftentimes disrespectful to educators and other adults. Parents complain/explain their children fell in with the wrong crowd leading them astray. Drug use is always a looming concern and source of entertainment for children. Well, these are legitimate complaints, but what can be done about them? Do we lock up all of the parents in America when their underage child commits a crime? 

IS THAT FAIR TO PARENTS?

I believe and strongly advocate change begins at home. The Bible states we are to train a child in the way they should go and they will not depart from it, Proverbs 22:6. Many people mistakenly assume this passage means to force your child to attend church each Sunday in their youth and they will become a Christian later in life. THIS IS SO WRONG.

Also, parents believe what they SAY to their children, if it is said often, is the meaning of training their child in the direction they should go and they will not depart from it. But, TRAINING means living by the WORDS you teach. Being a present example not displaying hypocrisy or empty preaching.

Being a military veteran, while in boot camp, our drill sargeants were tough on us. Barking out one instruction after the next. Correcting us on the spot at every mistake. But, there was another thing they did while being unrelenting in our training. They SHOWED us how to execute what they required from us, and were doing it CORRECTLY at every turn WITH us, ALONG side of us. They DID what they expected us to DO. THEY were fit soldiers. A living, breathing, EXAMPLE of what it looked like, what WE could, would, eventually look like and be capable of doing and being.

The EDUCATION and TRAINING of a child is mainly in their home enviroment. From the day the bundle of joy is brought home from the hospital, they are a sponge soaking up their enviroment mimicking those that surround them. The adage of do what I say and not what I do IS SOOOO WRONG. The children do as their parent does and will not depart from those lessons.

If parents have a household filled with cursing--the children will learn to curse and not depart from it.

If parents have a household that acts one way behind closed doors and another way when people are looking or when in public---they will raise a DECPTIVE person who knows when to turn it on and to turn it off. They learn how to manipulate people through deceptions and lies.

If a parent's words do not mean anything in the home and lying comes easy to them about small things-- the child will learn lying is o.k. and won't even notice the ease in which they do it. I have had people lie about their real or fake hair at church (a not even necessary lie) and not realize if they lie about small things they more than likely lie about big things too, in my opinion.

If parents DISRESPECT people at home, their children will disrespect other's: property and authority.

And if you do not VALUE your child as a individual with a gift that should be nutured at every step in life--your child will not have respect for human life. This is why drive by shootings can exist. This is why mass shootings can exist. The child does not feel seen or heard at home and if that feeling carries to outside of the nome, they do not believe there is anyone who cares about them. If you do not value your own life you, will not value the life of others.

There are many cases where mental illness plays a factor. Parents also must pay attention to their children's mental health. Mental health issues requires professional help. Just as when you child has a cold, or an injury, the parent seeks medical help. Mental disorders are medical issues and the proper physician needs to be found for the particular issue. You don't take a child with a cold to a cancer specialist. The same is true for mental health concerns. The right doctor matters.

The quickness in which teens fall in and out of love is astonishing. In the dating world of today it is easier for toxic relationship habits to form. Abuses in teen relationships surface with each other not returning or responding to texts soon enough, keeping up with each other's location, constant contact monopolizing each other's time, and forcing each to not have any contact with the opposite sex in any way socially.  Parents should monitor boyfriends and girlfriends and skills they are learning in relationships. Practicing bad relationship skills as a teen can lead to the child not having any respect or boundaries in and for future relationship partners in the future.

People are quick to say marriage takes work. Well, parenting is a job. A child IS their parent's responsibility. If the parent is not responsible for their own flesh and blood, who should be? I once was a child. many moons ago. I did things that could have gooten me into serious trouble as I learned through trial and error. But, in the end, I knew my behaviors would reflect on my parents and I would be held accountable for my actions. I think this may have limited some of the choices I made, even though I made a lot of dumb choices.

Parents are first in line to take ALL the praise when their child succeeds and reach wonderful acheivements, but wipe their hands clean or even blame others when their child gets into trouble. Parents will insist a child they have had influence over for 13 years can be swayed by other 13 year olds in a month to do things they were never exposed to before. Of course peers influence children. Children have a relentless need to fit in and belong. But, 13 year olds should have to put up a hell of a fight for longer than a month to wrestle and undo what you have invested into your child. It should not be so easy for others to waltz in and take your child's entire soul from you. 

EDUCATION OF CHILDREN IS DONE BY EXAMPLE. Jesus demonstrated this through his life on earth. He came to earth in human form to SHOW by example how Christians were to live holy lives. Just telling us as in the Old Testament was not good enough and too hard for us to maintain so he said "copy me" and you will be fine. Do we get it right? Not by far, but we keep trying, those who love Jesus. There is nothing worse than disappointing those who love you and who you love. People who love Jesus realize they represent Jesus and do not want to reflect a bad light on him.

The hand that rocks the cradle--the hand holding the future and direction of our society, in most cases are single women. We are already off to a bad start with our children not experience the balance of  mother and father working together on a common goal of raising well adjusted children. I just noticed female starts with an 'f' and father starts with an 'f' and male starts with an 'm' like mother starts with an 'm'. Both are needed in a child being well-rounded, exposed to the human condition.

Anyway, moms-- you can directly influence the direction of our states, of our nations. If you are politically concerned and savvy--your children will be. If you are seen reading a lot, your children will read. If you are constantly challenging yourself to try new things and think outside the box--your children will be inquisitive and seek higher and higher goals in their lives.

Finally, if you love God and others when no one is looking and make love and doing kind and good deeds daily for no recognition but because it is the right thing to do--your kids will be concerned with the good things and create good for themselves and others.

Believe it or not, children, are at their core, more like their parents than you know. Their philosophy on life began with the parent. They may do different things but they attack it with the worldview they formed, revised, and edited, they learned in their home. Inately, children want to make their parents proud.

Girls expect to be treated well in relationships because they saw their mom treated well and demanded to be respected for her mind and personality and not her body by her husband.

Boys will treat women well in relationships if they see their mothers demand to be respected by men for their minds and character and not their body. Remember, mothers rock the cradle whether there is a man presence or not.

Give your parenting skills much thought. Don't just wing it. The kid will grow up whether you instill anything in them or not. But help mold people you want to meet in your daily life. Do you want to be around someone always ready to fight or who talks about you as soon as your back is turned? If that is the type of person you don't care for, then don't you do it in your home in front of young developing minds.

Break the tradition of THAT'S THE WAY I WAS RAISED AND I'M FINE. You may be fine but are you a productive member of society for it's good or are you only concerned with your little part of the world?

Answer this question to know if you are fine:

Are you the same person you were in your early 20's, 30's, 40' 50's etc. or have you changed and grown adding more positive skills and experiences to your life?

If you are still the same person enjoying the same things and people you did when you were a teen; then what do you have to offer your children in their education of life? You haven't tasted the diversity of people and thoughts that this God given world has to offer.

Offer your kids amlife filled with more than the same old same old. Read, learn, grow, pray. Ask God to help you discover that wonderful talent he gave to you at your creation and to help you guide and direct the talent instilled from God in your children.

God gave parents the gift of children. Children belonged to God first and He intrusted parents to help prepare their children for their kingdom work and life.

So moms (and fathers), I encourage you to begin from day one while rocking that cradle. You are changing the world for the better or worse, but you are having a hand in the future.

Please buy When Will Eve Be Forgiven? available on amazon.com and please like, share, comment, and follow my blog page. Thankyou.

When Will We Learn Childhood Is Key?

Research is in and what happens to children as they grow and develop has a major influence on the adult they will become. Safety, security, and guidance matters to the developing human. We must put an end to exposing our children to "come what may" without ensuring an opportunity for healing. 

We have dealt with killings in various forms in our society throughout time. We were once fascinated by serial killers and are now shocked by mass shooters. But, where did these killers in our society originate?

Many serial killers are survivors of early CHILDHOOD trauma of some kind – physical or sexual abuse, FAMILY dysfunction, and emotionally distant or absent PARENTS. TRAUMA is the single recurring theme in the biographies of most KILLERS. The number one trait of a killer or psychopath is a lack of empathy. Other traits are a tendency to lie, a need for thrills. Psychopaths become bored very quickly – and have a tendency towards narcissism. But the lack of empathy is the biggest thing for killers.

One common explanation is that psychopaths experience some kind of trauma in early CHILDHOOD – perhaps as early as their infant state – and as a consequence suppress their emotional response. They never learn the appropriate responses to trauma, and never develop other emotions, which is why they find it difficult to empathize with others. Science Daily “Psychology may help explain why male and female serial killers differ” March 20, 2019,

Now we are facing an onslaught of mass shooters and research regarding the reasons for these mass shooting is still being evaluated and researched but data is being compiled. Two professors, Jillian Peterson, an associate professor of criminology at Hamline University, and James Densley, a professor of criminal justice at Metro State University, discovered there’s a consistent pathway leading to mass shooters. Early CHILDHOOD trauma seems to be the foundation, whether violence in the home, sexual assault, parental suicides, or extreme bullying. Then you see the build toward hopelessness, despair, isolation, self-loathing, and oftentimes rejection from peers that turns into an identifiable crisis point where they’re acting differently. Sometimes mass shooters have previous suicide attempts. Their self-hate can turn into hate of a grouping of people resulting in mass shooting.

Suicidality was found to be a strong predictor of perpetration of mass shootings. Of all mass shooters in the The Violence Project database, 30% were suicidal prior to the shooting. An additional 39% were suicidal during the shooting. Those numbers were significantly higher for YOUNGER shooters, with K-12 students who engaged in mass shootings found to be suicidal in 92% of instances and college/university students who engaged in mass shooting suicidal 100% of the time.

In terms of past trauma, 31% of persons who perpetrated mass shootings were found to have experiences of severe CHILDHOOD trauma, and over 80% were in crisis.

Trauma was a common element of the backgrounds of those committing mass shooting, both in the database and the qualitative studies. Nearly half of individuals who engaged in mass shootings (48%) leaked their plans in advance to others, including family members, friends, and colleagues, as well as strangers and law enforcement officers. Legacy tokens, such as manifestos, were left behind by 23.4% of those who committed mass shootings. About 70% of individuals who perpetrated mass shooting knew at least some of their victims.

A new Department of Justice-funded study of all mass shootings — killings of four or more people in a public place — since 1966 found that the shooters typically have an experience with CHILDHOOD trauma, a personal crisis or specific grievance, and a “script” or examples that validate their feelings or provide a roadmap. And then there’s the fourth thing: access to a firearm.

Another pattern of mass shooters is becoming evident and in time I am sure will also be linked to CHILDHOOD trauma. Based on case documents, media reports, and interviews with mental health and law enforcement experts, found that in at least 22 mass shootings since 2011—more than a third of the public attacks over the past eight years—the perpetrators had a history of domestic violence, which specifically targeted WOMEN, or had stalked and harassed women. These cases included the large-scale massacres at an Orlando nightclub in 2016 and a church in Sutherland Springs, Texas, in 2017. In total, they account for 175 victims killed and 158 others injured. Two of the shooters bore the hallmarks of so-called “incels”—a subculture of virulent misogynists who self-identify as “involuntarily celibate” and voiced their rage and revenge fantasies against women online. A man who recently planned to carry out a mass shooting in Utah and another who opened fire outside a courthouse in Dallas also appeared to be influenced by incel ideas.

Among the 22 cases analyzed, 86% has a history of domestic violence, 32% had a history of stalking and harassment, and 50% specifically targeted women. The trail of violent misogyny and abusive behavior in many shooters’ cases dovetails with a key finding from research published by the FBI in 2018: Not only do most shooters give off multiple behavioral warning signs that are observable to people around them, a majority do so starting months and even years before their attacks. The shooters in Tallahassee, Chicago, Orlando, Sutherland Springs, and elsewhere BRUTALIZED women long before their gun rampages. Mother Jones, “Armed and Misogynist: How Toxic Masculinity Fuels Mass Shootings”, Mark Follman.

A Harvard University study showed convicted physically abusive men were found to, when compared to the average American man, commit more crimes as well as:

• Have lower levels of education and IQ; be less clear-thinking
• Be more neurotic, anxious, nervous and defensive
• Be less agreeable, optimistic, content and more irritable
• Be less extraverted, conscientious and open
• Be less self-confident
• Be more excitable, moody, hasty and self-centered
• Be more authoritarian

Men who commit domestic violence may be found among a larger pool of men with poor problem-solving skills, but in addition they appear to have borderline-antisocial personality traits, certain types of hostility, and histories of abuse as CHILDREN that may predispose them to become violent with their female companions. Here are some of the reasons a person is abusive:

1. They have a disorder: A small number of the population is anti-social personality disorder (sociopath or psychopath) and sadistic. These disorders gain pleasure from seeing others in pain and even more pleasure when they are the ones inflicting the agony. For them, abuse is a means to an end. They abuse others to gain personal pleasure.
2. They were abused: Some abusers act out their dysfunctional behavior on others because it was done to them. In a subconscious effort to resolve their own abuse, they do the same to another person. This type of abusive behavior is identical, meaning it matches almost exactly to their childhood experience.
3. They were abused, part two: Just like in the previous explanation, they abuse because it was done to them. However, in this case the victim is the opposite. For instance, a boy who is sexually abused by a man might grow up to sexually abuse girls as evidence that they are not homosexual. The reverse can be true as well.
4. They watched something: With the advances in technology comes additional exposure at a young age to glorified abuse. Some movies, songs, TV shows, and videos minimize abuse by making fun of it or making it seem normal. A typical example is verbally attacking on another person by name calling or belittling.
5. They have anger issues: Uncontrolled and unmanaged rage frequently produces abusive behavior. The source of this anger varies but it is usually tied to a traumatic event. Unresolved trauma sparks anger when triggered by a person, circumstance, or place. Because this anger comes out of nowhere, it that much harder to control and manifests abusively.
6. They grew up with an addict: An addict blames others for the reason they engage in their destructive behavior. While the victims are often forced to remain silent and acceptant of their behavior. The end result is a lot of pent-up anger and abusive behavior. As an adult, the victim subconsciously seeks out others to blame for their actions.
7. They have control issues: Some people like to be in charge. In an effort to gain or remain in control of others, they utilize inefficient means of dominance such as bullying or intimidation. While forced control can be quickly executed, it does not have lasting qualities. True leadership is void of abusive techniques.
8. They don’t understand boundaries: Abusive people tend to lack the understanding of where they end and another person begins. They see their spouse/child/friend as an extension of themselves and therefore that person is not entitled to have any boundaries. The lack of distance means a person is subject to whatever the abuser decides.
9. They are afraid: People who do and say things out of fear tend to use their emotions as justification for why another person needs to do what is demanded. It is as if the fear is so important or powerful that nothing else matters except what is needed to subdue it.

10.         10. They lack empathy: It is far easier to abuse others when there is no empathy for how the victim            might feel. Some types of head trauma, personality disorders, and environmental traumas can               cause a person to lack the ability to express empathy.

11. They have a personality disorder: Just because a person has a personality disorder does not mean that they will be abusive. However, the lack of an accurate perception of reality greatly contributes to abusive behavior. If a person is unable to see their behavior as abusive, then they will keep doing it.
12. They are exhausted: When a person reaches the end of rope, it is not uncommon for them to lash out at whoever is conveniently close. Think of it as a mental breakdown where all the things stuffed inside come pouring out usually in a destructive rather than constructive manner.
13. They are defensive: Defense mechanisms such as denial, projection, regression, and suppression are utilized when a person is backed into a corner. Instead of taking space, they come out swinging and retaliate in an abusive manner.

An abusive person may have some or all of these qualities depending on the circumstances. Remember, this is not about justifying their behavior; rather it is about helping victims to understand why a person might be abusive. We must begin to take note of the way and enviroment in which our future adults are being raised. CHILDHOOD MATTERS.