Showing posts with label Abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Abuse. Show all posts

Monday, June 20, 2022

When Will We Learn Childhood Is Key?

Research is in and what happens to children as they grow and develop has a major influence on the adult they will become. Safety, security, and guidance matters to the developing human. We must put an end to exposing our children to "come what may" without ensuring an opportunity for healing. 

We have dealt with killings in various forms in our society throughout time. We were once fascinated by serial killers and are now shocked by mass shooters. But, where did these killers in our society originate?

Many serial killers are survivors of early CHILDHOOD trauma of some kind – physical or sexual abuse, FAMILY dysfunction, and emotionally distant or absent PARENTS. TRAUMA is the single recurring theme in the biographies of most KILLERS. The number one trait of a killer or psychopath is a lack of empathy. Other traits are a tendency to lie, a need for thrills. Psychopaths become bored very quickly – and have a tendency towards narcissism. But the lack of empathy is the biggest thing for killers.

One common explanation is that psychopaths experience some kind of trauma in early CHILDHOOD – perhaps as early as their infant state – and as a consequence suppress their emotional response. They never learn the appropriate responses to trauma, and never develop other emotions, which is why they find it difficult to empathize with others. Science Daily Psychology may help explain why male and female serial killers differ” March 20, 2019,

Now we are facing an onslaught of mass shooters and research regarding the reasons for these mass shooting is still being evaluated and researched but data is being compiled. Two professors, Jillian Peterson, an associate professor of criminology at Hamline University, and James Densley, a professor of criminal justice at Metro State University, discovered there’s a consistent pathway leading to mass shooters. Early CHILDHOOD trauma seems to be the foundation, whether violence in the home, sexual assault, parental suicides, or extreme bullying. Then you see the build toward hopelessness, despair, isolation, self-loathing, and oftentimes rejection from peers that turns into an identifiable crisis point where they’re acting differently. Sometimes mass shooters have previous suicide attempts. Their self-hate can turn into hate of a grouping of people resulting in mass shooting.

Suicidality was found to be a strong predictor of perpetration of mass shootings. Of all mass shooters in the The Violence Project database, 30% were suicidal prior to the shooting. An additional 39% were suicidal during the shooting. Those numbers were significantly higher for YOUNGER shooters, with K-12 students who engaged in mass shootings found to be suicidal in 92% of instances and college/university students who engaged in mass shooting suicidal 100% of the time.

In terms of past trauma, 31% of persons who perpetrated mass shootings were found to have experiences of severe CHILDHOOD trauma, and over 80% were in crisis.

Trauma was a common element of the backgrounds of those committing mass shooting, both in the database and the qualitative studies. Nearly half of individuals who engaged in mass shootings (48%) leaked their plans in advance to others, including family members, friends, and colleagues, as well as strangers and law enforcement officers. Legacy tokens, such as manifestos, were left behind by 23.4% of those who committed mass shootings. About 70% of individuals who perpetrated mass shooting knew at least some of their victims.

A new Department of Justice-funded study of all mass shootings — killings of four or more people in a public place — since 1966 found that the shooters typically have an experience with CHILDHOOD trauma, a personal crisis or specific grievance, and a “script” or examples that validate their feelings or provide a roadmap. And then there’s the fourth thing: access to a firearm.

Another pattern of mass shooters is becoming evident and in time I am sure will also be linked to CHILDHOOD trauma. Based on case documents, media reports, and interviews with mental health and law enforcement experts, found that in at least 22 mass shootings since 2011—more than a third of the public attacks over the past eight years—the perpetrators had a history of domestic violence, which specifically targeted WOMEN, or had stalked and harassed women. These cases included the large-scale massacres at an Orlando nightclub in 2016 and a church in Sutherland Springs, Texas, in 2017. In total, they account for 175 victims killed and 158 others injured. Two of the shooters bore the hallmarks of so-called “incels”—a subculture of virulent misogynists who self-identify as “involuntarily celibate” and voiced their rage and revenge fantasies against women online. A man who recently planned to carry out a mass shooting in Utah and another who opened fire outside a courthouse in Dallas also appeared to be influenced by incel ideas.

Among the 22 cases analyzed, 86% has a history of domestic violence, 32% had a history of stalking and harassment, and 50% specifically targeted women. The trail of violent misogyny and abusive behavior in many shooters’ cases dovetails with a key finding from research published by the FBI in 2018: Not only do most shooters give off multiple behavioral warning signs that are observable to people around them, a majority do so starting months and even years before their attacks. The shooters in Tallahassee, Chicago, Orlando, Sutherland Springs, and elsewhere BRUTALIZED women long before their gun rampages. Mother Jones, “Armed and Misogynist: How Toxic Masculinity Fuels Mass Shootings”, Mark Follman.

A Harvard University study showed convicted physically abusive men were found to, when compared to the average American man, commit more crimes as well as:

  • Have lower levels of education and IQ; be less clear-thinking
  • Be more neurotic, anxious, nervous and defensive
  • Be less agreeable, optimistic, content and more irritable
  • Be less extraverted, conscientious and open
  • Be less self-confident
  • Be more excitable, moody, hasty and self-centered
  • Be more authoritarian

Men who commit domestic violence may be found among a larger pool of men with poor problem-solving skills, but in addition they appear to have borderline-antisocial personality traits, certain types of hostility, and histories of abuse as CHILDREN that may predispose them to become violent with their female companions. Here are some of the reasons a person is abusive:

  1. They have a disorder: A small number of the population is anti-social personality disorder (sociopath or psychopath) and sadistic. These disorders gain pleasure from seeing others in pain and even more pleasure when they are the ones inflicting the agony. For them, abuse is a means to an end. They abuse others to gain personal pleasure.
  2. They were abused: Some abusers act out their dysfunctional behavior on others because it was done to them. In a subconscious effort to resolve their own abuse, they do the same to another person. This type of abusive behavior is identical, meaning it matches almost exactly to their childhood experience.
  3. They were abused, part two: Just like in the previous explanation, they abuse because it was done to them. However, in this case the victim is the opposite. For instance, a boy who is sexually abused by a man might grow up to sexually abuse girls as evidence that they are not homosexual. The reverse can be true as well.
  4. They watched something: With the advances in technology comes additional exposure at a young age to glorified abuse. Some movies, songs, TV shows, and videos minimize abuse by making fun of it or making it seem normal. A typical example is verbally attacking on another person by name calling or belittling.
  5. They have anger issues: Uncontrolled and unmanaged rage frequently produces abusive behavior. The source of this anger varies but it is usually tied to a traumatic event. Unresolved trauma sparks anger when triggered by a person, circumstance, or place. Because this anger comes out of nowhere, it that much harder to control and manifests abusively.
  6. They grew up with an addict: An addict blames others for the reason they engage in their destructive behavior. While the victims are often forced to remain silent and acceptant of their behavior. The end result is a lot of pent-up anger and abusive behavior. As an adult, the victim subconsciously seeks out others to blame for their actions.
  7. They have control issues: Some people like to be in charge. In an effort to gain or remain in control of others, they utilize inefficient means of dominance such as bullying or intimidation. While forced control can be quickly executed, it does not have lasting qualities. True leadership is void of abusive techniques.
  8. They don’t understand boundaries: Abusive people tend to lack the understanding of where they end and another person begins. They see their spouse/child/friend as an extension of themselves and therefore that person is not entitled to have any boundaries. The lack of distance means a person is subject to whatever the abuser decides.
  9. They are afraid: People who do and say things out of fear tend to use their emotions as justification for why another person needs to do what is demanded. It is as if the fear is so important or powerful that nothing else matters except what is needed to subdue it.

10.         10. They lack empathy: It is far easier to abuse others when there is no empathy for how the victim            might feel. Some types of head trauma, personality disorders, and environmental traumas can               cause a person to lack the ability to express empathy.

  1. They have a personality disorder: Just because a person has a personality disorder does not mean that they will be abusive. However, the lack of an accurate perception of reality greatly contributes to abusive behavior. If a person is unable to see their behavior as abusive, then they will keep doing it.
  2. They are exhausted: When a person reaches the end of rope, it is not uncommon for them to lash out at whoever is conveniently close. Think of it as a mental breakdown where all the things stuffed inside come pouring out usually in a destructive rather than constructive manner.
  3. They are defensive: Defense mechanisms such as denial, projection, regression, and suppression are utilized when a person is backed into a corner. Instead of taking space, they come out swinging and retaliate in an abusive manner.

An abusive person may have some or all of these qualities depending on the circumstances. Remember, this is not about justifying their behavior; rather it is about helping victims to understand why a person might be abusive. We must begin to take note of the way and enviroment in which our future adults are being raised. CHILDHOOD MATTERS.

Friday, April 1, 2022

Forced To Be Pregnant (Hadley Duvall)

The most shocking sentence of the night at the DNC was by Hadley Duvall, from Kentucky, "[Donald Trump] calls [total abortion bans] a 'beautiful thing,'" Duvall said. "What is so beautiful about a child having to carry her parent's child?"

What she was talking about was having an opportunity to have a medical abortion for an unwanted pregnancy from rape by a parent. Countless times when I speak up for women being able to have the OPTION of having or not having a child, Christians will say a person cannot be a CHRISTIAN if they support MURDER. To be clear, I do see aborting a fetus as murder. But I also see forcing someone to have a child as potential murder of the mother's spirit, life, as well as the child's spirit and life. There is no telling what kind a life an unwanted child may face. They may even become that person you fear most, a CRIMINAL.

Aborting a child, leaves questions of what that life could have been. But we don't have questions about what WILL be when a woman is raped. And if we listen, we can hear what it will be like for a woman forced to carry and deliver a child produced from rape or incest.

Christians only envision a BUNDLE OF JOY. A glowing PREGNANT woman, refusing to see the violence, ugliness the VESSSEL carrying the baby endured and will perpetually endure. I used the word vessel, because people who INSIST a woman carry a pregnancy reduces the woman to no more than a body acting as a machine to produce a product. To them, statistics about rape doesn't matter. Okay, it doesn't matter. But they are TRUE. And for women who have had this brutality in their life, they should be FREE from people who have no idea of the TRAUMA they have experienced, making decisions in their lives. To me, that is unchristian, Forcing Christian standards on people. It is not the job of Christians. The Bible does not advocate for FORCING Christianity on anyone. 

Have your beliefs. Share your beliefs. But give the living a chance to live their lives as they choose. Forcing a woman to have an unwanted pregnancy is cruel and will cause damage beyond what you will stick around to witness.

Did you know Sexual Assault Awareness Month is in April, each year? I had no idea either. Years ago, I wrote a poem about rape called Every Three Minutes. I entered the poem in a contest and came in third place and I was so delighted because I am not a poet. I did not research the actual statistic on how often a woman is raped. I just have a thing for the number three and decided to use it. I believe using such an impossible high number of women being raped every three seconds would make my poem more impactful to the reader. LITTLE DID I KNOW AT THAT TIME.

Rape is one of those uncomfortable topics people don't want to speak about like racism or mental illness. The difference is rape is a violent criminal act that remains unreported by many victims. It is the one crime where the victim feels shame or guilt that a crime happened to them. Another factor that causing the rape victim to feel even worse they have been sexually assaulted is the fact 80% of sexual assaults are committed by acquaintances. Yes. Friend, uncle, boyfriend, co-worker, and even spouse commit sexual assaults on people they know. Seventy percent of rapes are by someone the victim knows.

Rape is such an unexplainable type of violation. It is an unwanted person physically using a person's body without permission. The rapist is inside of the person's body. How can someone describe their body being stolen from their control? The victim's body is no longer under their own control. 

I have a confession. At one time when I would hear a woman say she was raped or molested as a child, young woman, or adult I would shake my head at the horror inflicted on her. As the years rolled on it seemed almost every woman had an experience of rape or sexual assault until it become normal for me to hear and the story of rape or molestation no longer shocked to me. The horror of the crime didn't lesson my sympathy for the woman, but it just became common to hear and expected as part of the female experience. Did you hear what I just said

As of 1998 17.7 million American women had been victims of attempted or completed rape. That is a high number right? Approximately 1.5 million intimate partner female rapes and physical assaults happen each year according to data gathered in a February 10, 2022 report by the Department of Justice www.ncbi.nih.gov/books/NBK499891.

The FBI's Uniform Crime Report as of January 1, 2013, redefined rape as "Penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object or oral penetrating  by a sex organ of another person, without consent of the victim.

Every 68 seconds an American woman is sexually assaulted. In the United States one rape occurs every 1-2 minutes (I guessed correctly for my poem sad to say). One out of every six American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime with 14% of the rapes completed and 2,8% of rapes attempted.

Eighty percent of sexual assaults are committed by an acquaintance and 80% of women experience a first-time sexual assault before the age of 25. Women between the ages of 16-19 are 4 times likely to be raped and women and men with disabilities are 2 times at risk of a sexual assault than people without a disability.  One in every 33 American men has experienced an attempted or completed sexual assault as a child. Twenty-eight percent first time sexual assault occurred at age 10 or younger.

It is important for me to include the fact children experience sexual assaults and never report it to family or authorities. Data reports 95% of child victims knew their sexual attacker. These sexual attackers are family members and friends of family members. Acting Commissioner of Police Edvin Martin said a surge in incest for 2020 compared to 2018-2019. There was a significant increase of incest during the height of Covid-19 lockdown period. 

People tend to have a blind eye when it comes to incest and that is how and why it continues to not be reported and allows 90% of these sexual assaults against children to occur in the home. Authorities estimate incest occurs in over 10% of American families, yet only 20% of the offenses are reported. The crime often goes unreported because it is initiated by someone the child, usually a girl, loves and trusts. Sibling incest is possibly the most common form of incest while 60% of the rapes occur in the home with 37% by a parent, 23% by a stepparent.

States with the highest incidence of incest are: Kentucky (the highest rate), Maine, Delaware, Virginia, Maryland, Washington, Georgia, Oregon, Indiana, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Louisiana, Tennessee, South Carolina, North Carolina, West Virginia, Montana, Alabama, and South Dakota. Since incest is rarely reported, there is not reliable statistics as to how many incest victims there are.

The Criminal Justice System: Statistics Rapes, Abuse, & Incest National Network gives reasons why sexual abuse is not reported:

20% of victims feared retaliation

13% believed police would not do anything

13% believed it was a personal matter

8% reported the rape to a non-law-enforcement official

8% believed it was not important enough to report

7% did not want the perpetrator to get into trouble

2% believed the police could not help

30% had other multiple reasons

It is important not to sweep sexual assaults under the rug because there are long lasting consequences to the assault. In 2012, Missouri's Republican Senate candidate, Todd Akin, said victims of a "legitimate rape" rarely get pregnant because their bodies can prevent them from doing so which sparked outrage throughout the country. Such statements as the one made by Todd Akins continues to downplay the crime of sexual assault against women which has long lasting consequences. 

Women who experience sexual assaults may have depression and substance abuse problems. It is estimated 90% of rape victims experience PTSD symptoms during the 2 weeks following the rape. And 30% report PTSD lasting up to 9 months and 33% contemplate suicide and 13% commit suicide. 

The most important thing a woman, person, should know is sexual assaults is not the victim's fault and there are no sure tried and true ways to prevent sexual assaults. There are ways to reduce the chances of rape in the link I have provided. One of the major tools in the effort to eliminate sexual assaults and abuse is to report the crime to adults and authorities. Reduce the Risk of Becoming a Sexual Assault Victim | Police & Public Safety | UNC Charlotte Only 5% of sexual assault reports filed are proven false. 

Men who commit rape can not be defind or identified by any fact based means. The prototypical convicted rapist is frequently under 25, shorter than average height, poor, and a resident of the inner city. many rapist live in college towns and rape during the evening hours. There have been 3 common characteristics of rapist noticed, lack of empathy, narcissism, and hostility towards women, but may not be true of all rapists. 

There are 3 catagories of rapists:

The Opportunist Rapist: this rapist seizes any chance for sexual gratification, such as loss of self control on the part of their victim under the influence of alcohol

The Sadistic Rapist: motivations are to humiliate or degrade the victim

The Vindictive Rapist: has anger and aggression focused directly towards women. Such a rapist believes he is permitted to sexually attack women because he feels he has been hurt, rejected, or wronged by women in the past

EVERY THREE MINUTES

By Dorothy Guyton

  

Every three minutes-slowly- count; One Two Three

A life is changed it is now filled with shame

Flesh ripped, bruises left, never to be the same.

 

Every three minutes-remember-count; One Two Three

A mother, daughter, sister, niece, shouts a silent scream

Mind clicks off, just survive, pretend it’s just a dream.

 

Every three minutes-you’re use to it-count; One Two Three

Knees drawn as she sits on the floor in the cold drumming shower

Trying to erase the assault on her that lasted forever but was actually under an hour.

 

Every three minutes-count them; One Two Three

Blank stares reflect- the now ghost looking back at her from a steamy misty mirror

Wishful hoping thinking, please, no one guess, please, no one dare see her.

 

Every three minutes a club is joined; One Two Three

Membership requires a forced relinquishment of pride of self -esteem

Flashbacks to the time of terror is one of the private club's dues and ongoing theme.

 

Ever three minutes a chain is formed; One Two Three

Each disfigured link is intertwined in her wounded broken spirit

Her soul's sad song whispers ‘No fair. Why me’ in each searching intrusive lyric.

 

Every three minutes-forgot to count; One Two Three

A crime of power rages, not about sex, but about toxic powerless masculinity

Another man's sickness of pinned up anger unleashed on unsuspecting femininity.

 

Every three minutes-you tire of it yet? One Two Three

Another woman silently accepts her fate thinking shit happens what’s the use

Violence excused 

given another name, another disorder, another acceptable label for abuse.

 

Every three minutes-slowly-count them; One Two Three

The word RAPE is hushed too ugly say; its just sex they say without foreplay

He's your friend, or your husband, or a stranger you led on in some way.



 


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