Nonfiction to Fiction Writing

Men Want Women - Badly

     

    I would probably not be too far off the mark if I guessed men would consider it a declaration of WAR if a woman wrote a book about MANHOOD.

    In online communities, there is a large amount of chatter among men saying women are destroying manhood. Men are voicing their distress and proclaiming the tides have turned and women have more rights than men in the jucicial system and work arena. Many men see women as feminizing America. When saying America is becoming feminized, they mean women are insisting men be more compassionate, be more in touch with their feelings, and stop demonstrating toxic masculinity. There are critics of these men and their ideas of manhood being under attack by women, who outright dismiss their feelings of being emasculated by women and society at large. I say, NOT SO FAST.

    Just because a person does not agree completely with another person does not mean there isn't some modicum of truth being said. If there is a large group of people saying the same thing, 'men are facing a manhood crisis', then maybe we should take time to see if there is any validity to the outcry. I will circle back to women writing about manhood in a minute. Bare with me for a moment as I give some context to why men may be feeling marginalized in society.

    According to a 2017 Pew Research Center survey, 53% of American people say they look up to men who are manly or masculine. So,we do understand the feeling of being manly and masculine is important to men and by others. But suprisingly, only 31% of men view themselves as masculine, 54% view themselves as somewhat masculine, and 15% of men view themselves as not masculine. These are some eye-opening statistics about men by men. Men feeling less than masculine is present in men before women are even brought into the equation.

    The well-known men's magazine GQ conducted a 2019 survey of 1,005 American men about masculinity. The survey found 59% of the men considered themselves completely masculine, 40% considered themselves masculine with at least some feminine traits, and 44% of the men have gotten into a physical fight in their lifetime. If these results, let alone the possible questions asked, have you scratching your head, you're not alone. The questions asked, it seems, would definitely cause some problems for the respondent on a core level if gotten wrong. The structure of the questions asked, put men on the defensive to protect himself from being labeled as womanly. This is evident by the answer, "Have you been in a fight?" Agressiveness has long been one of the traits which makes a man manly. This is why there is a rise in toxic masculinity. Men are pressured to be agressive.This brings me to my next point and statistics.

    One third of American men (36%) feel under pressure to behave in a masculine way. Over half (58%) feel society expects them to be "emotionally strong and to show no weakness." More than half (53%) of American men aged 18-34 feel pressure to be manly compared to only 15% of men over the age of 55. Sixty percent of American men agree society puts pressure on men in a way that is unhealthy or bad. The two areas in which men are pressured to show their masculinity and manliness is in the area of their weight (physical fitness) and finances. This brings us to the biggest area of complaint men are having - relationships with the opposite sex - or the lack thereof. Men are deeply upset with what they desire the most, women. On the online communities offering support and understanding to men facing disappointment, frustration, and anger at being rejected by women based on their appearance and income, misogynistic dating advice is offered to get them in  the 'game'. Setting the dating advice aside, men are struggling in being in a relationship with women they desire.

    Nearly half of U.S. adults (47%) say dating is harder today for most people compared with 10 years ago, while a third say it is about the same, and 19% say it’s easier today. Sevent-five percent of men ages 50 and older say it is harder for men to know how to behave on dates compared with 63% of men younger than 50. Another reason dating has become harder is that people are not looking for the same type of relationship according to 53% of respondents. Surprisingly, this same study found 61% of men say they are currently looking for a relationship or dates compared to 38% of single women. Ouch! That's surprising because women declare men are not interested in relationships; only sex. Sevent-five percent of daters say it has been very/somewhat difficult in the last year to find people to date and only 5% said it has been easy. There is a lot of rejection going on in the dating world. Men are going through it on many levels. No wonder there is an outcry. There is pain.

    Now back to why a woman can write about manhood. 

    Manhood is not a mystical mythological entity. Manhood has been demonstrated througout the ages. There are three pillars of manhood, through my research, that allows for the best demonstration of manhood, which are providor, protector, procreator. Men have alsways been able to occupy these roles with little effort or competition. The one thing that made the pillars of this defined manhood so strong was because it was demonstrated through physical stregnth. 

The strong man could provide, protect, and every woman would want to procreate with him. But we live in a time where physical stregnth is no longer needed for safety, survival, and no longer sought after sexually. Advancements in technology on a monumental scale, made the playing field level and the skinniest, frailest, person can still provide, protect, and procreate at the push of a button. Manhood is in competition with advancements in technology. Now a woman, without physical stregnth, can provide, protect, and decide on a wider scale whom she wants to procreate with if at all. Technology is a mind game (woman's stregnth) and no longer a physical game (man's stregnth).

For centuries, men could offer their brute stregnth as an asset and it was enough for every need possible. His body was made to be a fighter, hunter, leader, and producer of children in large numbers. None of those manly demonstrations of manhood are needed in the technological society we live in today. The advice given to men in the MANOSPHERE telling men to beef up their muscles and to be stoic in relationships will be the key to having long-term relationships. 

    During two points in history, masculinity was not demonstrated through physical attributes of the man. During the Roman Empire, men lounged and dined, took group baths with other men, and sought entertainment through art, music, and watching sports. Working was a no-no for men of status and power. In Europe and later America, the wealthy did not work and looked down on men who relied on their muscles for living. Men hunted small game, danced, read, and concerned themselves in dressing in fine clothes. Once again, muscles used for living was looked down upon. Men are in a time now, where manhood, demonstrated by physicality, is not what is desired.

    The focus of men on DATING or how to have their choice in women, will not accomplish what they want - SUCCESS in ALL areas of their lives. In my opinion, men should focus on determining what type of man or manhood does the 21st Century need to fit all of the advancements society has had. Men have to figure out how they, alone or in a relationship, thrive in their 'push a button' reality. An important question men should also ask is, "Who is raising men to be men?"

    

    The United States has the highest total of single mother households in the world. As of 2023, 15.9 million U.S. households are single mother households and 3.5 million are single father households. Twenty-four million, 1/3 of U.S. children under the age of 18 live in single parent households according to another U.S. poll. These are single mother household with young boys being raised to be men. It has been proven, the same sex parent has the biggest influence on the same sex child. Fathers have the most influence on sons and mothers on daughters. Women must fill the gap of the boys same sex biggest influencer not being present. No finger pointing for blame, just recognition there is a large number of single mothers raising sons, future MEN.

    We must have women, who are mothers, who will be influencing the health (physical/mental/spritual/sexual/financial/relational/emotional) of future men engaged in the discussion of what healthy manhood and masculinity looks like and how it is demonstrated in private and public life. Someone has to step in to address the concerns and belief that MANHOOD (in its current definition) is no longer needed nor has no place in society. This does not require a new, conjured-up, spliced together definition of manhood for the 21st century. For some reason, men stopped teaching and instilling in young boys what is needed for a man to live in the society they are living in. Now, men want to teach a MANHOOD that worked in a past society, which is destined to fail. Manhood always adjusts to what is happening in society and EDUCATION is what is happening in today's WORLD (I will blog about education in a later post). The definition of manhood, must be demonstrated in optimum ways which benefit him and all of those in his orbit.

    Will men be on board with women discussing, writing, debating manhood? NO. But it remains necessary. It can be a gateway in offering a viable solution to many of the problems men are voicing in the Manosphere. The one true thing about manhood is IT IS BEST DEMONSTRATED IN RELATIONSHIPS. Yes, while doing research on manhood I discovered this and it will be my theme whenever I talk about manhood. To demonstrate providor, protector, procreator - you must have someone to provide for, protect, and procreate with. Will men buy my book on manhood? Probably not, but men don't usually buy any books written by a woman author (only 19%). So hopefully, more women will research what manhood means and what it does not mean and do not get pulled into unnessary arguments about manhood. I hope both men and women understand a person is male because of biology but manhood is taught and learned. 

 ***Material used in this blog post from my manuscript on Manhood.*** More material to come in future.

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Should Women Write About Manhood?

I Have A Dream

 

    What is a dream? Some people may have an idea leading to their success come to them in a dream while sleeping. John Lennon wrote a best-selling song -- one of his most iconic solo works -- based on a dream he had. The chorus of "#9 Dream" repeats a nonsensical phrase he heard in the dream, "Ah! böwakawa poussé, poussé," and the lyrics refer to the feeling of a dream being real: "So long ago/ Was it in a dream, was it just a dream?/Seemed so very real, it seemed so real to me." Beatles legend has it that Paul McCartney composed the melody for "Yesterday" -- the most-covered song in music history -- in a dream one night in 1964. 

          Director Christopher Nolan took the inspiration for his 2010 psychological thriller Inception from his own lucid dreams. The psychological thriller follows a dream thief (played by Leonardo DiCaprio), a corporate spy, who steals dreams from the minds of CEOs and business tycoons. 

    Stephen King was hit by a minivan in 1999, while he was walking down a country road in Maine. While recovering from the collapsed lung and a shattered leg, the prolific horror writer began having vivid dreams. Those dreams formed the basis of the 2001 novel turned film Dreamcatcher. But it wasn't the only work of King's to be inspired by a dream. King has said, that his dreams help him to portray events symbolically in his writing.

    A field of cows inspired Albert Einstein’s theory of relativity, which, according to a calm.com survey, is one of the most important ideas that ever came out of sleep. In his dream, Einstein was telling a farmer about cows being surrounded by an electric fence, but the farmer saw something different. Einstein awakened with the realization that the same event could vary from different perspectives, and the theory of relativity began to take shape.

    Elias Howe was exhausted from his attempts to develop a machine that could stitch together fabric. Asleep, he dreampt that cannabils were preparing to cook him as they danced about waving spears—and the spears had a hole at the sharp tip. Eureka! That’s when Howe got the idea to pass the thread through the point of the needle instead of the end, explains author David Jones in his book The Aha! Moment: A Scientist’s Take on Creativity. 

    “I saw the pale student of unhallowed arts kneeling beside the thing he had put together. I saw the hideous phantasm of a man stretched out, and then, on the working of some powerful engine, show signs of life, and stir with an uneasy, half vital motion. Frightful must it be for supremely frightful would be the effect of any human endeavor to mock the stupendous mechanism of the Creator of the world.” This is how author Mary Shelley described the lucid dream that led to her classic novel, Frankenstein. 

    Unlike many of the other world-changing ideas mentioned here, the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde didn’t originate after a night of sweet slumber; the tale of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde came to Robert Louis Stevenson during a drug-induced nightmare. His dream-induced screams disturbed his wife, Fanny, who angrily woke him up. Startled, he said to her, “Why did you wake me? I was dreaming a fine bogey tale.” The nightmare took a terrible turn when Fanny thought the first draft of the story was nonsense—and she burned it.  Stevenson feverishly rewrote the 30,000-word story over a three-day period. Sure enough, it ended up selling so well that the book lifted the Stevensons out of debt.

    According to psychoanalyst Carl Jung, our dreams can function on many different levels, from telling us which parts of our psyche are out of balance to anticipating our future needs. He also believed that most dreams operated on the level of stories, myths, and archetypes -- making them a wonderful source of ideas and inspiration. All human beings are also dream beings. Jack Kerouac, who composed a book entirely of his own dreams, once said. "Dreaming ties all mankind together."

    Dreaming is a natural brain function, and all human beings do it. But some people never remember their dreams, according to experts. Your dreams have meanings as well. Psychologists say that both men and women become sexually aroused while dreaming (even if the dream has no sexual content). Average amount of time spent dreaming per night: 1 1⁄2 to 2 hours. Some people dream during the day as well.

     There is another type of dreaming and dream. People have come to believe in the "Ameican Dream?" Over time, the phrase “American dream” has come to be associated with upward mobility and enough economic success to lead a comfortable life. Historically, however, the phrase represented the idealism of the great American experiment. If you ask most people around the world what they mean by the “American dream,” nearly all will respond with some version of upward social mobility, the American success story, or the self-made man (rarely the self-made woman).

     No less an authority than the Oxford English Dictionary defines the American dream as “the ideal that every citizen of the United States should have an equal opportunity to achieve success and prosperity through hard work, determination, and initiative.”

    The idea that every person, no matter their present circumstance, could become rich if they worked hard in America, was not the norm. For most rich people during that time period, with money and status, wealth had been passed down from generation to generation. You had to be born into wealth. And if a person who had not been born into wealth and status within the country became wealthy, their newly acquired wealth was looked down upon for being “new money.” The American dream opened the possibility for anyone to become rich and gain status in the country.

    Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. had this type of dream for America. His speech about a dream and vision he had for America became famous. The I Have a Dream speech, is a public speech that was delivered by the American civil rights activist and Baptist minister Martin Luther King Jr. during the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom on August 28, 1963. In the speech, King called for civil and economic rights and an end to racism in the United States.

    Martin Luther King Jr.'s “Dream” speech was a call for equality. It identified the faults of America and what measures were needed to make it a better place. A central theme throughout the speech was the importance of everyone being treated equally. His dream was a vision he believed was accomplishable if the effort and hard was put towards the goal.

    Successful people may have other things going for them as well. But they certainly have a vision. A clear dream, along with the courage to act and follow through, dramatically increases your chances of success. It has been said that if you aim for nothing, you will hit it every time! I couldn’t agree more. The Good Book says that without a vision, people perish. They run amuck. They live without restraint, giving their time and attention to whatever screams the loudest instead of what will get them ahead in life (Proverbs 29:18).

    Altruism or having altruistic dreams is the selfless act of helping others without expecting anything in return. It is often considered one of the defining characteristics of what it means to be human. The list of people in history who had dreams of helping others and the world at large is a short list. Their journey of following their dreams gives real meaning to they can’t go where you are going.

    Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. dreamed of an America which embraced all of its people regardless of color and economic status and treated each fairly. Even though there were many people supporting his dream, there were many in opposition to his dream.

    Some of the major political leaders of the day spoke out in opposition to Martin Luther King Jr's dream and the demands of civil rights activists. Many prominent Democrats made the argument that African Americans should be happy with what they had, rather than asking for more.

    The majority of White Americans living in the South opposed King, but that reaction was not confined to the South. By 1966, a nationwide Gallup poll found only 33% of Americans had positive feelings about Dr. King. Seventy-five percent of Americans disapproved of the civil rights leader as he spoke out against the Vietnam War and economic disparity.

    White racial resentment was still a critical factor at that point. But Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s unfavorable numbers were at least 25 points higher in 1968 than in 1963, and his faltering appeal over the final years of his life was also a consequence of appearing to fall behind his times in some respects even as he was leaping well ahead of them in others.

    Martin Luther King Jr., born January 15, 1929, was an American Baptist minister, activist, and political philosopher who was one of the most prominent leaders in the civil rights movement from 1955 until his assassination in 1968. A Black church leader and a son of early civil rights activist and minister Martin Luther King Sr., King advanced civil rights for people of color in the United States through nonviolent resistance and civil disobedience against Jim Crow laws and other forms of discrimination in the United States.

    King participated in and led marches for the right to vote, desegregation, labor rights, and other civil rights. He oversaw the 1955 Montgomery bus boycott and later became the first president of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC). As president of the SCLC, he led the unsuccessful Albany Movement in Albany, Georgia, and helped organize some of the nonviolent 1963 protests in Birmingham, Alabama. King was one of the leaders of the 1963 March on Washington, where he delivered his I Have a Dream speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, in Washington D.C. The civil rights movement achieved pivotal legislative gains in the Civil Rights Act of 1964, Voting Rights Act of 1965, and the Fair Housing Act of 1968.

    Dr. King met and lost friends and supporters while working to achieve his dream. In 1968, King was planning a national occupation of Washington, D.C., to be called the Poor People's Campaign, when he was assassinated on April 4 in Memphis, Tennessee. His death was followed by national mourning, as well as anger leading to riots in many U.S. cities. King was posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 1977 and the Congressional Gold Medal in 2003. Martin Luther King Jr. Day was established as a holiday in cities and states throughout the United States beginning in 1971; the federal holiday was first observed in 1986. Hundreds of streets in the U.S. have been renamed in his honor, and King County in Washington was rededicated for him. The Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial on the National Mall in Washington, D.C., was dedicated in 2011.

    Dr. King understood the dangers of him fighting for social change and equality. He knew many people wouldn’t embrace his vision for a different America. He also knew there would be people who were not going to be able to be a part of his dream and that he may not live to see his own dream come about. The knowledge of where his dreams may take him did not stop him from dreaming and working towards that dream.

    There are people who dream and have the satisfaction of living to see their dream come true. There are some people who know they will not live to see the realization of their dreams. There are people who cannot go where you are going. Sometimes to your death because of your dream. They can’t go with you where you are going.

    Reach for as many personal dreams you can acheive. Hopefully, while acheiving personal dreams, you will reach for altruistic dreams which benifits humanity. HAVE A DREAM.

***THIS IS AN EXCERPT FROM A WORK IN PTOGRESS: "    They Can't Go With You Where You Are Going"

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Dreams + Vision Board

 Want to add another tool to acheiving success? Try a vision board.

    This is my vision board for 2024.

 

    You may have heard people refer to vision boards, but do you know what a vision board is and its purpose?

    

    Simply put, a vision board is a collage of images and words representing a person's wishes or goals, intended to serve as inspiration or motivation. Nothing more or nothing less. The great thing about a vision board is that they are as unique as every individual and individual dreams and goals.

    People are given the suggestion of cutting out images from magazines which represent goals they want to acheive or dreams they want to come to fruition. Words can also be used. The finale product should be a visual of what you would like to acheive and are working to acheive.

    The concept of vision boards is relatively new. Vision boards became popular after Rhonda Byrne's self-help book, The Secret, was published in 2006. Byrne introduced her readers to the idea that they could manifest their desires through the law of attraction, which is the idea that positive thinking will bring positive experiences into a person's life. 

    The law of attraction is a philosophy suggesting that positive thoughts bring positive results into a person's life. While negative thoughts bring negative outcomes. It is based on the belief that thoughts are a form of energy and that positive energy attracts success in all areas of life, including health, finances, and relationships.

    I chose to use real photographs and skills, in word form, I need to become a succesful writer. Let's look at my vision board again.

    My board begins with the word CAREER in the center and underneath, a picture of a publishing contract waiting to be signed. I want a writing career and for my work to be published. Oprah is represented twice on my board. I want my books to be on her book club reading list and I want to be interviewed for Master Class giving tips for success. Religion is featured twice in photograph form. Once for my continued reading of the Bible and for the Trinity to always be with me. The majority of my writing is Christian themed or mentioned. The word pray is also present. A world map is pictured because I want my writing to be read worldwide and a picture of a woman motivational speaker speaking to a packed audience is part of my board. I included bookstores I would like to see my work sold in along with being interviewed on Good Morning America. 

    Words play a significant role on my board such as, have a thick skin, refuse to quit, manifest, meditate, daydream, trust my gut, subscribers, visualized, destroy negative demons, commit, plan, multitask eliminate fear, post online, read, passion as fuel, and remove limits. 

    The word BALANCE is important to avoide burnout and stress while working towards my dream It is in different colors and there is a reason behind using different colors. There are 7 chakras, each having its own indiviual color or either red, orange, gold, green, blue, dark blue, and purple. I want my chakras to be in balance and aligned. Algnment is important. One of Opra's famous qoutes state, "When my power (my mind, intellect, desire to learn, and seed plant) align with my personality and my gift I have to give, why I am here (alignment of personality and purpose), I will acheive my dreams (I added text in parentheses).

    Another part of my vision board is enjoy the process and journey and that is represented by my future tea cup puppy I plan to buy along with my convertable mini coupe. Even while we are putting in the hard work and time to acheive our dreams and goals, we must make sure we are enjoying today. Another element I wanted to add was my plans, once I have the income, is to open a fruit and vegatable market which also offers slads and seating ares to enjoy a healthy meal.

    76% of small business owners who've used vision boards and images to create their companies say their businesses are where they envisioned them. Oprah Winfrey, Jim Carrey, Will Smith, Steve Harvey, and Beyonce have used the technique of vision board to manifest their goals and have acheived great sucess in their respective fields by doing so.