Men Want Women - Badly

     

    I would probably not be too far off the mark if I guessed men would consider it a declaration of WAR if a woman wrote a book about MANHOOD.

    In online communities, there is a large amount of chatter among men saying women are destroying manhood. Men are voicing their distress and proclaiming the tides have turned and women have more rights than men in the jucicial system and work arena. Many men see women as feminizing America. When saying America is becoming feminized, they mean women are insisting men be more compassionate, be more in touch with their feelings, and stop demonstrating toxic masculinity. There are critics of these men and their ideas of manhood being under attack by women, who outright dismiss their feelings of being emasculated by women and society at large. I say, NOT SO FAST.

    Just because a person does not agree completely with another person does not mean there isn't some modicum of truth being said. If there is a large group of people saying the same thing, 'men are facing a manhood crisis', then maybe we should take time to see if there is any validity to the outcry. I will circle back to women writing about manhood in a minute. Bare with me for a moment as I give some context to why men may be feeling marginalized in society.

    According to a 2017 Pew Research Center survey, 53% of American people say they look up to men who are manly or masculine. So,we do understand the feeling of being manly and masculine is important to men and by others. But suprisingly, only 31% of men view themselves as masculine, 54% view themselves as somewhat masculine, and 15% of men view themselves as not masculine. These are some eye-opening statistics about men by men. Men feeling less than masculine is present in men before women are even brought into the equation.

    The well-known men's magazine GQ conducted a 2019 survey of 1,005 American men about masculinity. The survey found 59% of the men considered themselves completely masculine, 40% considered themselves masculine with at least some feminine traits, and 44% of the men have gotten into a physical fight in their lifetime. If these results, let alone the possible questions asked, have you scratching your head, you're not alone. The questions asked, it seems, would definitely cause some problems for the respondent on a core level if gotten wrong. The structure of the questions asked, put men on the defensive to protect himself from being labeled as womanly. This is evident by the answer, "Have you been in a fight?" Agressiveness has long been one of the traits which makes a man manly. This is why there is a rise in toxic masculinity. Men are pressured to be agressive.This brings me to my next point and statistics.

    One third of American men (36%) feel under pressure to behave in a masculine way. Over half (58%) feel society expects them to be "emotionally strong and to show no weakness." More than half (53%) of American men aged 18-34 feel pressure to be manly compared to only 15% of men over the age of 55. Sixty percent of American men agree society puts pressure on men in a way that is unhealthy or bad. The two areas in which men are pressured to show their masculinity and manliness is in the area of their weight (physical fitness) and finances. This brings us to the biggest area of complaint men are having - relationships with the opposite sex - or the lack thereof. Men are deeply upset with what they desire the most, women. On the online communities offering support and understanding to men facing disappointment, frustration, and anger at being rejected by women based on their appearance and income, misogynistic dating advice is offered to get them in  the 'game'. Setting the dating advice aside, men are struggling in being in a relationship with women they desire.

    Nearly half of U.S. adults (47%) say dating is harder today for most people compared with 10 years ago, while a third say it is about the same, and 19% say it’s easier today. Sevent-five percent of men ages 50 and older say it is harder for men to know how to behave on dates compared with 63% of men younger than 50. Another reason dating has become harder is that people are not looking for the same type of relationship according to 53% of respondents. Surprisingly, this same study found 61% of men say they are currently looking for a relationship or dates compared to 38% of single women. Ouch! That's surprising because women declare men are not interested in relationships; only sex. Sevent-five percent of daters say it has been very/somewhat difficult in the last year to find people to date and only 5% said it has been easy. There is a lot of rejection going on in the dating world. Men are going through it on many levels. No wonder there is an outcry. There is pain.

    Now back to why a woman can write about manhood. 

    Manhood is not a mystical mythological entity. Manhood has been demonstrated througout the ages. There are three pillars of manhood, through my research, that allows for the best demonstration of manhood, which are providor, protector, procreator. Men have alsways been able to occupy these roles with little effort or competition. The one thing that made the pillars of this defined manhood so strong was because it was demonstrated through physical stregnth. 

The strong man could provide, protect, and every woman would want to procreate with him. But we live in a time where physical stregnth is no longer needed for safety, survival, and no longer sought after sexually. Advancements in technology on a monumental scale, made the playing field level and the skinniest, frailest, person can still provide, protect, and procreate at the push of a button. Manhood is in competition with advancements in technology. Now a woman, without physical stregnth, can provide, protect, and decide on a wider scale whom she wants to procreate with if at all. Technology is a mind game (woman's stregnth) and no longer a physical game (man's stregnth).

For centuries, men could offer their brute stregnth as an asset and it was enough for every need possible. His body was made to be a fighter, hunter, leader, and producer of children in large numbers. None of those manly demonstrations of manhood are needed in the technological society we live in today. The advice given to men in the MANOSPHERE telling men to beef up their muscles and to be stoic in relationships will be the key to having long-term relationships. 

    During two points in history, masculinity was not demonstrated through physical attributes of the man. During the Roman Empire, men lounged and dined, took group baths with other men, and sought entertainment through art, music, and watching sports. Working was a no-no for men of status and power. In Europe and later America, the wealthy did not work and looked down on men who relied on their muscles for living. Men hunted small game, danced, read, and concerned themselves in dressing in fine clothes. Once again, muscles used for living was looked down upon. Men are in a time now, where manhood, demonstrated by physicality, is not what is desired.

    The focus of men on DATING or how to have their choice in women, will not accomplish what they want - SUCCESS in ALL areas of their lives. In my opinion, men should focus on determining what type of man or manhood does the 21st Century need to fit all of the advancements society has had. Men have to figure out how they, alone or in a relationship, thrive in their 'push a button' reality. An important question men should also ask is, "Who is raising men to be men?"

    

    The United States has the highest total of single mother households in the world. As of 2023, 15.9 million U.S. households are single mother households and 3.5 million are single father households. Twenty-four million, 1/3 of U.S. children under the age of 18 live in single parent households according to another U.S. poll. These are single mother household with young boys being raised to be men. It has been proven, the same sex parent has the biggest influence on the same sex child. Fathers have the most influence on sons and mothers on daughters. Women must fill the gap of the boys same sex biggest influencer not being present. No finger pointing for blame, just recognition there is a large number of single mothers raising sons, future MEN.

    We must have women, who are mothers, who will be influencing the health (physical/mental/spritual/sexual/financial/relational/emotional) of future men engaged in the discussion of what healthy manhood and masculinity looks like and how it is demonstrated in private and public life. Someone has to step in to address the concerns and belief that MANHOOD (in its current definition) is no longer needed nor has no place in society. This does not require a new, conjured-up, spliced together definition of manhood for the 21st century. For some reason, men stopped teaching and instilling in young boys what is needed for a man to live in the society they are living in. Now, men want to teach a MANHOOD that worked in a past society, which is destined to fail. Manhood always adjusts to what is happening in society and EDUCATION is what is happening in today's WORLD (I will blog about education in a later post). The definition of manhood, must be demonstrated in optimum ways which benefit him and all of those in his orbit.

    Will men be on board with women discussing, writing, debating manhood? NO. But it remains necessary. It can be a gateway in offering a viable solution to many of the problems men are voicing in the Manosphere. The one true thing about manhood is IT IS BEST DEMONSTRATED IN RELATIONSHIPS. Yes, while doing research on manhood I discovered this and it will be my theme whenever I talk about manhood. To demonstrate providor, protector, procreator - you must have someone to provide for, protect, and procreate with. Will men buy my book on manhood? Probably not, but men don't usually buy any books written by a woman author (only 19%). So hopefully, more women will research what manhood means and what it does not mean and do not get pulled into unnessary arguments about manhood. I hope both men and women understand a person is male because of biology but manhood is taught and learned. 

 ***Material used in this blog post from my manuscript on Manhood.*** More material to come in future.

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A WRITER'S LIFE: Tim Cagle

 

Have you heard the saying, Indecent Proposal? Well, author, Tim Cagle, had an "Indecent Rejection." Tim is the first of hopefully many writers I will be featuring on my blog in a segmaent tiltled, A WRITER'S LIFE, in which I interview writers and how they deal with the hills and valleys that come with a writer's life. 

Even though Tim is one in a million in his writing, he is also one of thousands of writers who have received the dreaded rejection letter from agents and publishers. But thankfully, he was not deterred from creating magic with words. What he did after reading the rejection letter is probably something some of us would love to do also (Or has done?).

I hope you will be inspired and encouraged in your writing journey after reading his interview. Make sure to check out his contact information at the end of the interview.

1.  I have been a writer since the 1990’s.  I was a medical malpractice, products liability and wrongful death attorney for decades and began to write as a way to share stories about clients I could not help because the law or the facts were against us. Unfortunately, at that time, I was working 100 plus hours a week and did not have the time to bring my books up to publishable standards until I retired.

2.  I have written two medical/legal thrillers, Unexpected Enemy and Class of Two, as well as one book about songwriting, Whispers from the Silence, based on the time I shut down my law practice after I passed the bar and went to Nashville to write songs. My big break never broke and I learned I would always be a songwriter trapped in a lawyer’s body.

3.  I have lost count of the number of rejections I have received. Most of the time, agents did not even provide the courtesy of a reply, and I consider that to be a form of rejection.

4.  The worst rejection I received was from an agent regarding my most successful novel to date, Class of Two. It is the story of two lawyers, one black and one white, ex-college roommates and football All-Americans, who reunite in Boston to go to trial against the country’s leading heart surgeon. They were the first black and white teammates to live together in Texas in 1964, during the height of the Civil Rights movement. It highlights what the turbulent 1960’s were like, and how the friendship of two men could overcome the evils of society.

I sent my manuscript to an alleged agent who wrote me back a scathing review. It was highlighted by the words, “I never knew one football player who was smart enough to go to law school, let alone two!” I was at my fiery, trial lawyer, take-no-prisoners, litigation self and wrote back to him the following, “Thank you for pointing how naïve I was to think that football players could have two separate IQ points to rub together. I am now on a quest to inform the following individuals that they are too stupid to survive, 1. Byron “Whizzer” White, J.D., University of Colorado and Pittsburgh Pirates (now Steelers) running back and US Supreme Court Justice, 2. Pat Haden, Rhodes Scholar, former USC and Los Angeles Rams quarterback, 3. Dr. Frank Ryan, PHD in Mathematics, former Cleveland Browns quarterback and considered a genius in geometric function theory, 4. Alan Page, JD. Former Minnesota Vikings defensive lineman and now Minnesota Supreme Court Justice, 5. Kris Kristofferson, Rhodes Scholar, Army Ranger, Pomona College end and prolific songwriter, and 6. Nick Buoniconti, J.D., corporate attorney and a graduate of Suffolk University Law School, my alma mater. I told the agent I would inform the foregoing individuals he considered them too vapid to exist and they should immediately withdraw from societal interactions.

5. The best way to bounce back is to keep writing!  This is the most subjective business I have ever seen. It is mostly based on guesswork and despite their frequent and multiple failures, even a bad agent occasionally guesses right.

6.  My best advice for writers is to be careful to whom you listen. Many writers consider agents to be god-like figures and all-knowing gurus, when in fact, they are often self-appointed pseudo experts. I once had an agent tell me a scene I wrote about a lawyer’s first meeting with a new client lacked form, originality, scope and substance. I told her that I was at a significant disadvantage because I only had twenty-five years of law practice and trial work upon which to base my descriptions, and would do my best to imagine how a Hollywood lightweight would write the scene.

Also, never forget that most agents have twenty-something year-old assistants whom they rely on to screen a writer’s work. I was also an Evidence professor for 25 years and have some insight into how the twenty-five-year-old mind works. Most consider someone of my maturity to be an irrelevant dinosaur and consider Taylor Swift to be a goddess songwriter. I have had conversations with them about GIFTED songwriters like Smoky Robinson, Jim Webb, Norman Whitfield, Jim Croce and John Fogerty and always ask how they would have handled Taylor’s insightful lyric about how “he didn’t like it when I wore high heels”, and wait for them to look at me with the same insipid glance as the agent who told me football players were too dense to do anything but run through a wall.

Finally, do not get discouraged. My success came after I abandoned the search for an agent as I can read and interpret my own contracts. Also, when it comes to agents, always consider the source. If the chance comes to become the next J.K. Rowling, Toni Morrison or John Grisham, make sure you have a top-notch advisor by your side. If success never comes, pull out every drop of fulfillment you can because you were able to so something few people can, finish writing a book.

Above all, keep writing and stay safe,

Tim Cagle, J.D.,  an ex-linebacker who made it through law school so I could deal with arguing with expert witnesses, after I finally stopped trying to run through walls.

PLEASE take the time to visit Tim's platforms, check out his work, and share with friends and family 

Twitter and Instagram:  @timcagleauthor

Facebook and LinkedIn:  Tim Cagle 

UNEXPECTED ENEMY https://goo.gl/joxZLH woman has interracial child after clinic gives her STRANGER’S SPERM;

CLASS OF TWO https://tinyurl.com/y2bsfgkt 2 lawyers, 1 black, 1 white, ex-roommates and football All-Amercans vs ELITE HEART SURGEON!

WHISPERS FROM THE SILENCE https://goo.gl/EVvYQZ two songwriters fall in love in Nashville & write songs by waiting for silence to whisper the lyrics....

***WANT TO BE FEATURED?*****

It's simple. Contact me at: rizerfall@yahoo.com

 

INTRVIEW: Genna Rowbotham, Author

INTERVIEW: Genna Rowbotham, Author

WELCOME TO WEDNESDAY WITH WOMEN

Creativity and imagination is what it takes to write books for children along with a healthy dose of love and children's book author, Genna Rowbotham, fills that requirement with extra to spare. One look at her magical book covers let you know you're about to enter a world only she could dream up for little ones to enjoy. She extends an opportunity for parent and child to escape the seriousness of life and allow children to be children in short stories made to entertain while weaving lessons to help the reader grow. You can tell by Genna's smile she is meant to bring a smile to the reader's face and if you look close, you can see the sparkle of magic in her eyes.   

                                                        

1.       What is the name of your book/genre?

My latest children’s novel ‘The Wish Fairy of Stoney Middleton’ is a short story about a young girl called, Jessie who is heartbroken over the loss of her much-loved horse, Cleo. At school, she daydreams of Cleo and is desperate for her to be alive and well again, so when the English teacher tells her to write a story, she creates a magical tale about a Wish Fairy that can grant wishes. The trouble is things don’t go exactly to plan... The story is full of magic and teaches young and old about love, loss, and the magic of wishes.

2.       When did you start your writing career?

My career began in the secretarial field until becoming a full-time Mum, but thoughts of writing a children’s book would often pop into my head. Usually, when I was reading stories to my own children. At the time, I didn’t think it was something possible for me and hadn’t a clue how I would go about it. But whenever I mentioned writing a book, my husband would say, ‘Just do it!’ So I did. In 2017, I took the plunge, and I have been writing ever since. I have learnt so much since back then, but you never stop learning and there is so much to learn in the publishing world.

3.       Did you have support from family/friends/community?

Yes, especially my husband. If it hadn’t been for his constant love, support and faith in me I might have given up. He believed in me when I didn’t and encouraged me to keep going.

4.       What is most difficult about an author’s life?

Writing can be very time-consuming but as a busy Mum, I love the flexibility of working my own hours and I have always loved the world of books, so I count myself lucky doing the job that I love. Creating stories for children to enjoy is very rewarding.

5.       As a woman do you feel an obligation to write on women’s issues (in some form)?

No. I am more drawn to entertaining children through my books and hopefully, they can learn some life issues/lessons that might help them along the way.

6.       Do you create stereotypical female characters i.e., weak, need to be saved?

No, not at all. I write different characters with different problems regardless of gender. They might have weaknesses in some form but that helps them to learn and grow as their character evolves throughout the story.

7.       Do you try to be politically correct or stay away from politics/controversial current event as plots?

It’s not something I’ve consciously thought about writing children’s books. But I’m not interested in writing about politics/controversial current events as plots. There are far more exciting stories to be told.

8.       What makes a woman a success?

Not trying to fit into any role model but being yourself and following your own unique path – whatever makes you happy. Challenging yourself often. Creating goals and passionately striving for them. Being confident in your own skin. Independence. Respect for oneself. Courage.

I hope you enjoyed today's interview and hope it encourages you to follow your dream of writting. Please support Genna and go to her links below and check out her work and share with friends and family. 

If you would like to be featured on WEDNESDAY WITH WOMEN, it's easy. Contact me at: rizerfall@yahoo.com for the details.

www.gennarowbotham.co.uk

https://twitter.com/GennaRowbotham

The Wish Fairy of Stoney Middleton by Genna Rowbotham | Goodreads

The Wish Fairy of Stoney Middleton eBook : Rowbotham, Genna: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store

   

INTERVIEW: Natalie Ritchie, author

 WELCOME TO WEDNESDAY WITH WOMEN

Author Natalie Ritchie shares what drives her as a writer, and it is advocating for women no matter what role they choose in life. She is a strong voice reminding women as well as men women who choose to work at home as a homemaker are not inferior to women who choose a career outside of the home. Ritchie has to juggle many roles at once and writing is just one of those roles. Her work reflects the ongoing quest to define womanhood in the 21st Century by today's woman. Her interview does not shy away from the question, "What is womanhood?"

1     What is the name of your book/genre?

My book is a nonfiction work called Roar Like a Woman: How Feminists Think Women Suck and Men Rock. It calls for a feminism that actually includes the woman. The feminist revolution threw the baby out with the bathwater—it threw out the woman with the bathwater of woman’s oppression.

2.      When did you start your writing career?

I went straight into journalism almost from the get-go and after a long stint in public relations in the tourism industry, I moved into travel writing. I co-authored the Frommer’s Australia travel guide for several years. Later, I became features editor of Australia’s biggest parenting magazine. Today, I work full-time as a general-purpose editor. 

3.      Did you have support from family/friends/community?

Not really. But that’s because I like it that way. Mostly, I write alone. I know what I want to say. Even nonfiction writing, which is what I do, is an intensely personal and creative thing. To be honest, I just want to be left alone when I write. That said, my colleagues, most of whom are also writers of one kind or another, do have a lot of really good advice. I think the trick is to balance when to listen to others and when to stay true to your inner voice.

4.      What is most difficult about an author’s life?

Finding time to write is one of the hardest things writers do, especially mothers! And then when they do make the time, they sacrifice their rest, their hobbies, their home chores, time with their families or friends, time spent helping others, time to exercise—and time to read! Most writers love reading. I know a mother of five who got up every morning at 5 a.m. to have an hour to herself to write. Of course, for many of us, the kids are up at 5 a.m. too, so that’s not the answer for everyone!

I started writing my book in 2012 and finished it in 2018. I was working full-time most of that time and fifty percent co-parenting my two sons. It takes discipline to dedicate yourself to writing every moment you can. And then there is the work of self-publishing: proofing, hiring a cover designer and typesetter and website designer, formatting e-book files, distributing, publicizing, doing interviews, and more. What kept me going was the sure-fire knowledge that women matter.

5.      As a woman do you feel an obligation to write on women’s issues (in some form)?

Absolutely. Women need a voice, a voice that feminism far too often silences, when it should be our champion! Ever since I entered the workforce in the eighties, I have been frustrated at feminism’s refusal to acknowledge women’s role as mothers, as home runners, as the ones caring for elderly relatives or family members with a disability, as driving forces in the wider community, and as a powerhouse of change in their own right—and that’s all before we get to a career! To feminism, you would think a woman had nothing to do but join men at the office. It pours praise on a woman when she does the same paid work men do but ignores, denies, and often derides a woman without a man-identical career.

Here’s the thing—a woman is a fully human being in her own right. Without a career. Yet feminism sends a different message—that a woman is an inferior, passive nobody who only becomes a somebody, and her husband’s equal, when she joins him at the office.

6.      Do you create stereotypical female characters i.e., weak, need to be saved?

While there are no characters in my nonfiction book, it does contain the voices of many real women speaking on the miraculous joys and the grueling lows of motherhood and home-running and what it actually means to be a woman (rather than what our very masculinist version of feminism tells us it means). These are women with rich, exhilarating lives outside the workplace who defy the feminist stereotype of woman as weak and in need of rescue. Women are not weak. They are extraordinarily strong.

7.      Do you try to be politically correct or stay away from politics/controversial current events as plots?

Because I stand up for women as dynamic, valiant beings in their own right, with or without an achievement-packed resume, I am one of the most politically incorrect writers around! To say that a woman is an autonomous, authoritative, intelligent person without a career is not just controversial today—it’s heresy.

8.      What makes a woman a success?

One thing only self-respect. A successful woman sees the world through a woman’s eyes, and respects herself for it. Never mind whether she has a job, or financial riches. A woman is not a “failure” who becomes a “success” through joining men at the office or amassing wealth or accomplishments. Women are so much more than their job, and no woman should need to have a job to be considered a “success.” A woman already works every day of her life. A woman is a resonant, in-command, active, capable person, a force for good in the world, a locus of love and intelligence, all on her own. If she works, it is because she loves working or needs the income. She has her own perceptions and priorities that are not always the same as men’s. She stands up for her right to do all the things men do, but she also stands up for her right to recognition and respect for all that she does as a woman. 

Natalie Ritchie is mom to two teenage boys, a former parenting magazine features editor, and author of Roar Like a Woman: How Feminists Think Women Suck and Men Rock. She lives in Sydney, Australia.

Link: Roar Like a Woman | Natalie Ritchie

Please support Natalie Ritchie by sharing this interview, following her online, and purchasing her book.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE FEAURED ON WEDNESDAY WITH WOMEN e-mail me at rizerfall@yahoo.com

Comments and questions welcomed

INTERVIEW: Nicky Shearsby, author

 

WELCOME TO WEDNESDAY WITH WOMEN

Choosing a genre that is a fit for a writer is important. Many writers are creatively gifted and can go seamlessly from one genre to the next before deciding which they enjoy the most. Author, Nicky Shearsby, is such a writer able to go from non-fiction to fiction without missing a beat. Her secret to being a happy fulfilled writer, AUTHENTICITY.

    

What is the name of your book/genre?

My debut novel is Psychological Thriller, called To The Bitter End. It tests true friendship, asking a fundamental question. How far would you go for the one you love? It contains dark material, suffering and aggression.

When did you start your writing career?  

I started writing when I was a child and have been writing most of my life. I wrote non-fiction for a few years for different businesses before taking early retirement to write novels full time in 2020.

Did you have support from family/friends/community?

I have a wonderful loving husband who is my rock. The Twitter community has also been an invaluable support.

What is most difficult about an author’s life? 

I don't find the life of an author difficult. I am doing the one thing I always dreamed of doing. I love the peace and solace writing provides. For most, the isolation may be an issue, but not for me.

As a woman do you feel an obligation to write on women’s issues (in some form)?

I touch on the dark subject of humanity. My writing shows the workings of the human mind, be it male or female. I don't stereotype. It is why I love what I do. Humanity experiences many issues. I would like readers to see things from a different perspective.

Do you create stereotypical female characters i.e., weak, need to be saved?

I do not create stereotypical females. Every one of us are different, with differing needs and emotions. I write REAL people, from the mindsets of each character.

Do you try to be politically correct or stay away from politics/controversial current event as plots?

I tend not to write about current affairs. It has the downside of dating a book. I do not wish to offend, only to showcase how humanity functions. 

What makes a woman a success?

As a woman, success comes when you are free to be yourself, do what makes you happy and not answer to others. I set my own rules, my own goals, challenging the norm. Success for women means always being your true authentic self.

My work can be found on my website - including links to books and retailers - www.nickyshearsby.com

My debut novel was launched - 22nd February 2022. 

Visit, follow, and support Nicky Shearsby who graced us with an inside look into the life of a writer and author.

WANT TO BE FEATURED NEXT FOR WEDNESDAY WITH WOMEN?

Contact me by leaving a comment or use e-mail form to the right of the page. I look forward to you being a part of the conversation.