Men Want Women - Badly

     

    I would probably not be too far off the mark if I guessed men would consider it a declaration of WAR if a woman wrote a book about MANHOOD.

    In online communities, there is a large amount of chatter among men saying women are destroying manhood. Men are voicing their distress and proclaiming the tides have turned and women have more rights than men in the jucicial system and work arena. Many men see women as feminizing America. When saying America is becoming feminized, they mean women are insisting men be more compassionate, be more in touch with their feelings, and stop demonstrating toxic masculinity. There are critics of these men and their ideas of manhood being under attack by women, who outright dismiss their feelings of being emasculated by women and society at large. I say, NOT SO FAST.

    Just because a person does not agree completely with another person does not mean there isn't some modicum of truth being said. If there is a large group of people saying the same thing, 'men are facing a manhood crisis', then maybe we should take time to see if there is any validity to the outcry. I will circle back to women writing about manhood in a minute. Bare with me for a moment as I give some context to why men may be feeling marginalized in society.

    According to a 2017 Pew Research Center survey, 53% of American people say they look up to men who are manly or masculine. So,we do understand the feeling of being manly and masculine is important to men and by others. But suprisingly, only 31% of men view themselves as masculine, 54% view themselves as somewhat masculine, and 15% of men view themselves as not masculine. These are some eye-opening statistics about men by men. Men feeling less than masculine is present in men before women are even brought into the equation.

    The well-known men's magazine GQ conducted a 2019 survey of 1,005 American men about masculinity. The survey found 59% of the men considered themselves completely masculine, 40% considered themselves masculine with at least some feminine traits, and 44% of the men have gotten into a physical fight in their lifetime. If these results, let alone the possible questions asked, have you scratching your head, you're not alone. The questions asked, it seems, would definitely cause some problems for the respondent on a core level if gotten wrong. The structure of the questions asked, put men on the defensive to protect himself from being labeled as womanly. This is evident by the answer, "Have you been in a fight?" Agressiveness has long been one of the traits which makes a man manly. This is why there is a rise in toxic masculinity. Men are pressured to be agressive.This brings me to my next point and statistics.

    One third of American men (36%) feel under pressure to behave in a masculine way. Over half (58%) feel society expects them to be "emotionally strong and to show no weakness." More than half (53%) of American men aged 18-34 feel pressure to be manly compared to only 15% of men over the age of 55. Sixty percent of American men agree society puts pressure on men in a way that is unhealthy or bad. The two areas in which men are pressured to show their masculinity and manliness is in the area of their weight (physical fitness) and finances. This brings us to the biggest area of complaint men are having - relationships with the opposite sex - or the lack thereof. Men are deeply upset with what they desire the most, women. On the online communities offering support and understanding to men facing disappointment, frustration, and anger at being rejected by women based on their appearance and income, misogynistic dating advice is offered to get them in  the 'game'. Setting the dating advice aside, men are struggling in being in a relationship with women they desire.

    Nearly half of U.S. adults (47%) say dating is harder today for most people compared with 10 years ago, while a third say it is about the same, and 19% say it’s easier today. Sevent-five percent of men ages 50 and older say it is harder for men to know how to behave on dates compared with 63% of men younger than 50. Another reason dating has become harder is that people are not looking for the same type of relationship according to 53% of respondents. Surprisingly, this same study found 61% of men say they are currently looking for a relationship or dates compared to 38% of single women. Ouch! That's surprising because women declare men are not interested in relationships; only sex. Sevent-five percent of daters say it has been very/somewhat difficult in the last year to find people to date and only 5% said it has been easy. There is a lot of rejection going on in the dating world. Men are going through it on many levels. No wonder there is an outcry. There is pain.

    Now back to why a woman can write about manhood. 

    Manhood is not a mystical mythological entity. Manhood has been demonstrated througout the ages. There are three pillars of manhood, through my research, that allows for the best demonstration of manhood, which are providor, protector, procreator. Men have alsways been able to occupy these roles with little effort or competition. The one thing that made the pillars of this defined manhood so strong was because it was demonstrated through physical stregnth. 

The strong man could provide, protect, and every woman would want to procreate with him. But we live in a time where physical stregnth is no longer needed for safety, survival, and no longer sought after sexually. Advancements in technology on a monumental scale, made the playing field level and the skinniest, frailest, person can still provide, protect, and procreate at the push of a button. Manhood is in competition with advancements in technology. Now a woman, without physical stregnth, can provide, protect, and decide on a wider scale whom she wants to procreate with if at all. Technology is a mind game (woman's stregnth) and no longer a physical game (man's stregnth).

For centuries, men could offer their brute stregnth as an asset and it was enough for every need possible. His body was made to be a fighter, hunter, leader, and producer of children in large numbers. None of those manly demonstrations of manhood are needed in the technological society we live in today. The advice given to men in the MANOSPHERE telling men to beef up their muscles and to be stoic in relationships will be the key to having long-term relationships. 

    During two points in history, masculinity was not demonstrated through physical attributes of the man. During the Roman Empire, men lounged and dined, took group baths with other men, and sought entertainment through art, music, and watching sports. Working was a no-no for men of status and power. In Europe and later America, the wealthy did not work and looked down on men who relied on their muscles for living. Men hunted small game, danced, read, and concerned themselves in dressing in fine clothes. Once again, muscles used for living was looked down upon. Men are in a time now, where manhood, demonstrated by physicality, is not what is desired.

    The focus of men on DATING or how to have their choice in women, will not accomplish what they want - SUCCESS in ALL areas of their lives. In my opinion, men should focus on determining what type of man or manhood does the 21st Century need to fit all of the advancements society has had. Men have to figure out how they, alone or in a relationship, thrive in their 'push a button' reality. An important question men should also ask is, "Who is raising men to be men?"

    

    The United States has the highest total of single mother households in the world. As of 2023, 15.9 million U.S. households are single mother households and 3.5 million are single father households. Twenty-four million, 1/3 of U.S. children under the age of 18 live in single parent households according to another U.S. poll. These are single mother household with young boys being raised to be men. It has been proven, the same sex parent has the biggest influence on the same sex child. Fathers have the most influence on sons and mothers on daughters. Women must fill the gap of the boys same sex biggest influencer not being present. No finger pointing for blame, just recognition there is a large number of single mothers raising sons, future MEN.

    We must have women, who are mothers, who will be influencing the health (physical/mental/spritual/sexual/financial/relational/emotional) of future men engaged in the discussion of what healthy manhood and masculinity looks like and how it is demonstrated in private and public life. Someone has to step in to address the concerns and belief that MANHOOD (in its current definition) is no longer needed nor has no place in society. This does not require a new, conjured-up, spliced together definition of manhood for the 21st century. For some reason, men stopped teaching and instilling in young boys what is needed for a man to live in the society they are living in. Now, men want to teach a MANHOOD that worked in a past society, which is destined to fail. Manhood always adjusts to what is happening in society and EDUCATION is what is happening in today's WORLD (I will blog about education in a later post). The definition of manhood, must be demonstrated in optimum ways which benefit him and all of those in his orbit.

    Will men be on board with women discussing, writing, debating manhood? NO. But it remains necessary. It can be a gateway in offering a viable solution to many of the problems men are voicing in the Manosphere. The one true thing about manhood is IT IS BEST DEMONSTRATED IN RELATIONSHIPS. Yes, while doing research on manhood I discovered this and it will be my theme whenever I talk about manhood. To demonstrate providor, protector, procreator - you must have someone to provide for, protect, and procreate with. Will men buy my book on manhood? Probably not, but men don't usually buy any books written by a woman author (only 19%). So hopefully, more women will research what manhood means and what it does not mean and do not get pulled into unnessary arguments about manhood. I hope both men and women understand a person is male because of biology but manhood is taught and learned. 

 ***Material used in this blog post from my manuscript on Manhood.*** More material to come in future.

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