Childless Voters and Kamala Harris

WHAT MAKES A WOMAN A WOMAN? Often when this question is posed, the answer sought goes beyond the defining two X chromosomes of biology. Comments JD Vance made in 2021 questioning Vice President Kamala Harris' leadership because she did not have biological children have resurfaced with all its original IGNORANCE. The now Vice-Presential running mate of former President Donald Trump, posed, during a Fox News interview while he was running for senate in Ohio, “How does it make any sense that we've turned our country over to people who don't really have a direct stake in it?" He was referring to women without children. His logic was, if a person is childless, they cannot be interested in the future of America and should not have a hand in it's shaping.

Vance went on in the Fox interview to say, “We are effectively run in this country via the Democrats," and referred to them as "a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too." He said that included Harris, U.S. Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg (who is now a married father) and U.S. Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a New York Democrat.

Originality is not a strong suit of Mr. Vance because men have been going beyond the XX chromosome in efforts to "box" women into definitions they themselves do not apply to manhood. In 2017, the leaders of the top industrialized nations met in Sicily, Italy, for the annual Group of Seven summit, and that year, most of them were united by their lack of offsprings. Five of the seven national leaders attending the G-7 summit did not have biological children. British Prime Minister Theresa May, Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe and Italian Prime Minister Paolo Gentiloni have no children. German Chancellor Angela Merkel has two stepsons, and French President Emmanuel Macron has three stepchildren. Were any of the leadership skills of the men who were not fathers questioned? NO.

For centuries, women have been made to feel less of a woman if they were unable to have children. As women entered the workforce and began to have careers, they were shamed if they chose not to have children. A man did not face any such judgement and most times was glorified for being an advanced-aged bachelor, without any children. His advanced age did not detract from his manhood as did society's belief once a woman reached menopause or had to have a medical hysterectomy takes her out of womanhood.

While in Seminary in 2005, in a Marriage and Family Counseling class, the question was posed, "Can a woman who CHOOSES not to have children or who are unable to have children be a Christian?" The question was asked based on a biblical verse written by the Apostle Paul, in 1 Timothy 2:15, "Women will be saved through childbearing." "Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control." My instructor answered saying, no. If a woman does not have children, they will not be saved and cannot be a Christian. Needless to say, this is an erroneous, dangerous misinterpretation of the passage. I will not dissect the TRUE meaning of the passage along with its content here. I tackle this teaching in my book, When Will Eve be Forgiven? Remember, Kamala Harris said context is important. Believe me, it is a false teaching of this Bible verse. But, nonetheless, men feel free to base the quality of a woman and/or her life based on childbearing. 

The ability or inability of a woman to have children or her CHOICE not to have children has been WEAPONIZED against a woman in ways not used against men. For JD Vance to say a person cannot be a person invested in their country if they do not have children demonstrates his low opinion of women reducing them to baby manufacturing machines. I'm certain Christians will insert the be fruitful and multiply Bible verse here found in Genesis. They fail to note the command to multiply means those professing Christianity are not to limit or impede the number of children conceived in a Christian marriage. How many children does the Christian family have on average? 

According to Pew Research Center, the average Christian household has 4.5 people globally. In 2017, the Pew Research Center also reported that Christian women have an average of 2.6 children, which is second only to Muslims, who have the highest fertility rate among major religious groups. However, fertility rates have declined across Christian denominations in the United States, from 2.7 children in 1972 to 2.3 in 2016. Liberal nondenominational movements have a fertility rate of around 1.8–1.9, which is roughly what they need for stability. Conservative nondenominational movements, however, have a fertility rate of around 1.9, which is much higher than the 0.8 they need to grow. Didn't see that one coming, did you?

If we are to follow JD Vance's reasoning, then what about childless voters not seeking public office? Do they have a stake in the direction of their country? Should they be allowed to vote? Does he want WOMEN to show up at the voting booth with their children's birth certificate certifying/proving they have a stake in our country's government? Are childless women to be rejected as voters?

What is the fascination and preoccupation with the reproductive organs of women the Right have? A man came up with the theory of Penis Envy. Penis envy is a theory from early psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud. He believed that when female children realize they lack a penis, they feel "castrated" in comparison to males. It may be that MEN in the 21st Century are having uterus envy and become highly upset if we have one and don't use it like they would (Yeah. right.). I'm just saying.

The definition of womanhood is too complex to nail down due to the fact it can't be summed up with a few simple words due to the fact of the wondrous adaptability of women and their multitasking ability. Women have never been limited and should not be limited in any of their endeavors if they are childless and most definitely should not be maligned for it. It's time for men to stop waving around a woman's reproductive choices as some kind of apocalyptic warning. Their blue pill should be taken so they can have a seat.

When it comes to votes, Vance may lose a few due to his statement about childless women. In 2020, about 44.7 percent of Black women were childless in the United States. A little less than half of all women in the United States were childless in that year, coming in at 46.8 percent of the female population.

There is no shame for Kamala Harris. She belongs to an elite list of people who have contributed positively to their community, state, and country in various ways without having biological children.

1. Herbert Samuel Adams Sculptor
2. Scott Adams
3. Cartoonist, Dilbert
4. Charles Addams
5. Cartoonist, The New Yorker
6. Nancy Addison Soap Opera Actress
7. Louisa May Alcott Author of Little Women
8. Cynthia May Westover Alden Author, Philanthropist
9. Grover Cleveland Alexander Baseball Player
10. Suzy Allegra Author
11. Marty Allen Comedian
12. John Murray Anderson Musical Theatre Producer
13. Laurie Anderson Performance Artist
14. Marian Anderson Concert Singer
15. Louis Andriessen Composer
16. Susan B. Anthony Womans' Suffragist
17. Samuel Appleton Politician/ Philanthropist
18. Louis Armstrong Musician
19. Boris Artzybasheff Artist
20. Dorothy Arzner Film Director
21. Dr. Robert C. Atkins Diet Doctor, Author, Creator of the Atkins Diet
22. V.C. Andrews Author
23. Jane Austen Author of Sense and Sensibility
24. Max Baer Jr. Jethro from the Beverly Hillbillies
25. Francis Bacon Politician, Philosopher, Scientist
26. Florence Bailey Author, Naturalist, Ornithologist
27. Tallulah Bankhead Actress
28. Abdullah al-Baradouni Yemeni Poet
29. Bob Barker Former Game Show Host: The Price is Right/ Philanthropist
30. Joe Barr Canadian Politician
31. Lynda Barry Cartoonist
32. Kathy Bates Actress
33. Jaya Battacharya Actress
34. King Baudouin King of Belgium
35. Samuel Beckett Author, Playwright, Poet
36. Ludwig Van Beethoven Composer
37. Joe Besser Actor, Replaced Shemp Howard as the Third Stooge
38. Isabella Bird Author
39. Jacqueline Bisset Actress
40. Lewis Black Comedian
41. Eubie Blake Musician/ Composer
42. William Blake Artist
43. Brenda Blethyn Actress
44. Marc Blitzstein Composer, Dramatist
45. Baroness Karen Blixen Author, "Out of Africa"
46. Rosa Bonheur French Painter and Sculptor
47. Pierre Bonnard Artist
48. William Edgar Borah Politician
49. Lara Flynn Boyle Actress
50. Nathaniel Branden Author/ Psychologist
51. Georges Brassens Singer
52. Joe Bob Briggs / aka John Bloom
53. Author, Movie Critic
54. Raymond Briggs Children's Book Author
55. Poppy Z. Brite Author
56. Anne Bronte Author
57. Louise Brooks Actress
58. Helen Gurley Brown Feminist, Editor
59. Reno Browne Actress, Equestrian
60. Delta Burke Actress
61. James Buchanan 15th U.S. President
62. Pat Buchanan Politician/ Presidential Candidate
63. Sandra Bullock Actress
64. James Burke Creator of the PBS Series "Connections"/ Scientific American columnist
65. Raymond Burr Actor
66. Caryl Lee Burroughs Hollywood Animal Trainer
67. Leo Buscaglia Author Actress, Comedian
68. Maria Callas Opera SingerJulia Cameron Director
69. Phyllis Carlyle Film Producer, Se7en, The Accidental Tourist
70. Dora Carrington Bloomsbury Artist
71. Laura Carroll Author, Families of Two
72. Mary Casatt Artist
73. Roger Casement Irish Patriot
74. Nina Cassian Poet
75. Barbara Castle British Politician
76. Kim Catrall Actress
77. Mary Chapin Carpenter Singer / Songwriter
78. Rosamond Halsey Carr Founder of Rwanda's Imbabazi Orphanage, Author, Fashion Designer
79. Richard Chamberlain Actor, Star of Shogun
80. Coco Chanel Fashion Designer, Dancer, Spy
81. Stockard Channing Actress, Star of Smoke
82. Judy Chicago Artist
83. Margaret Cho Comedian
84. Julia Child Chef, Cookbook Author
85. Helen Clark New Zealand Prime Minister

Do Men Need Silence To Survive?

Raise your hand if you feel your man never wants to listen to you or seems to tune out when you talk. Is it you? Well, it has been me.

One day while I was TALKING to my husband he became frustrated. This was nothing new. No matter the topic I would endeavor to discuss with him, he would become frustrated. A thought came to my mind. Many women complain their husband doesn't talk to them or seem to tune them out when they are speaking. This "general"experiences of women with their husbands have left them frustrated for years. Why do men "tune out" or become agitated when women are speaking?

A light bulb went off in my head. Can there be a genetic component to women being able to LISTEN and men to TUNE OUT.

Mothers are exceptional beings. They have a HEARING capacity that goes beyond scientific explaination. A mother can detect the difference and significance of her child's voice, laughter, or cry. They know just by hearing if their child is in danger, sick, happy, anxious, or sad. They are in TUNE to verbal expression. A mother's ear is always on alert for various sounds her child may make and acts accordingly.

On the other hand, we know through historical evidence, men are hunters. Hunters need silence to stalk and to kill their prey. NOISE is the enemy of men in their endeavor to kill to secure food for thier family. Also, silence is needed when men are trying to determine if danger or a threat is approaching. For men, noise meant danger or loss of a successful hunt. SILENCE was a man's partner and NEED. Not only do men avoid making any noise when hunting, they also try to be INVISIBLE to what they are hunting. Even the equipment selected to take on a hunt must not make any noise while hunting.

Men are also able to key in on the sounds their prey may make. Breaking branches as they move or the crunching of leaves as they walk. But they are FOCUSED on sounds/noise with the intentions of killing. Why would a man focus on NOISE if they are not going in for a kill or to protect? It makes no sense.

Can it be that men are wired to have an adverse reaction to NOISE and noise is the most important factor for a woman to ensure the health and safety of her offsprings? Do we as men and women have ingrained reactions to NOISE or talking for what we are wired to do as humans? Can it be that simple?

Some men find it so upsetting, so emotionally arousing to listen to their partners that they feel they have to ventilate their anger or withdraw. In fact, this is supported by the research that shows that their pulse-rates escalate during conflict and they find this unbearable.

The reasons given most often by men why they don't listen to their wives is, If it were to be generalised is…

• She doesn’t say what she means 
• She can change her mind a lot
• She can say she likes things when he knows she doesn’t 
• She can tell him what she wants and then not be happy when she gets it
• She can become emotional over the smallest of things
• She can be upset for no reason
• She can tell him she hates him one day and then loves him the next
• She can be miserable with him and instantly switch and be happy when a friend calls
• She can lie about past events
• She’s overly emotional and unreasonable
• She’s controlling

That is a lot of reasons why a man says he does not listen to a woman/spouse. The reason is ALL due to her ACTIONS and no responsibility is on HIM. Most women will tell you, as soon as she BEGINS to SPEAK, the man CHECKS OUT. He doesn't even try to listen to the topic of discussion. He is frustrated in being APPROACHED with the possibility of being in a DISCUSSION.

On the other hand, women seem to be willing to talk about any and every subject. Women are usually more verbal than men, women possess higher levels of language protein in their brains. Research shows that most women speak on average 20,000 words per day, approximately 13,000 more than the average male.

Women generally speak more quickly and devote more brainpower to verbal communication. Beware, though, when you see the word “generally”, as it refers to just 51% or more of any population. Until recently, we couldn’t biologically explain why women’s brains were more active with speech and communication. New Journal of Neuroscience findings show that a protein called FOXP2 produces speech. Researchers find 30% more FOXP2 in the brains of girls. This protein is a key molecule for communication in mammals. With this link, scientists may soon trace the evolutionary origin of human speech. Proving their sense of humor, the lead authors (a man and woman) on the study concluded that perhaps they’ve also found the reason women tend to be so much better at small talk.

Science says women are designed to TALK and we know they are designed to LISTEN.

It was found that mothers' ability to recognize their newborn from their cries increased rapidly within a few days of postpartum, with highly multiparous mothers performing better. However, both male and female non-parents could similarly recognize an assigned baby, even after a very short exposure. Researchers at the National Institutes of Health have uncovered firm evidence for what many mothers have long suspected: women’s brains appear to be hard-wired to respond to the cries of a hungry infant. A mother's reaction to the many sounds of her child seems to continue as the child grows. She is highly aware of her child's verbal communication and it's underlying meaning. Communication is vital to ensure the survival of her child and welcomed. 

Researchers asked men and women to let their minds wander, then played a recording of white noise interspersed with the sounds of an infant crying. Brain scans showed that, in the women, patterns of brain activity abruptly switched to an attentive mode when they heard the infant cries, whereas the men’s brains remained in the resting state. 

This is a difference I have recognized from my own experience and interaction with my husband and has made me wonder if men are genetically adverse to noise which includes talking which women are prone to due in excess in their opinion. Have we been riding our male companions to do something that disturbes their core being? We need men to TALK also (even without being aware of it) so we can determine their wellbeing through their speech and we feel it's being withheld which makes us feel insecure and unsafe. While men find silence crucial to their ability to feel safe and secure.

In relationships, men and women always seem to be on a different wavelegnth and oppposition. Maybe we just don't understand and work WITH the way we may both be wired to survive.

Sacrifice of Motherhood

Ask a woman who has been pregnant and givien birth to describe the experience and you will receive varying accounts. Some women enjoy and have the 'glow' of pregnacy while others find it a time filled with nausea and physical discomfort. A 2015 study by Polish researchers found mothers carrying sons had higher disgust sensitivity compared to mothers carrying daughters in the first trimester. While girl-moms’ queasiness decreased during the second trimester, boy-moms actually experienced elevated stomach-turning reactions.

Deliveries can be quick or drawn out with intense pain. There are those who want to be present and experience every nuance of giving birth, while others pray to be knocked out and awakened once the baby is delivered. Joanna was forced to remain in the tilted position 24 hours a day for two and a half months. After 75 days – and what is believed to be the longest labour ever recorded – Joanna gave birth to a healthy girl, Iga, and boy, Ignacy. The two babies were delivered by caesarean at a neo-natal clinic in Wroclaw, Poland.

Even with medical books available to walk a woman through pregnancy and delivery, there is always something the literature is unable to convey and could only be learned through the experience of BEING pregnant and GIVING birth. 

It surprises me how many people view being pregnant and giving birth as no more extrodinary or involved as going to the grocery store for food. They say it has been done for years, so there must not be that much to it. Many of the adverse effects of pragnancy women faced were turned into just old wive's tales. The old wives were on to something when they warned “gain a child and lose a tooth.” Women who have had three children forfeit four chompers more than those who have had two kids or fewer. Women whose first two children are the same sex, and who then go on to have a third child, are particularly at risk. Problems with gum disease and calcium absorption in pregnancy may leave moms vulnerable 

Carrying a child and giving birth, whether vaginally or by cesarean section, can stress muscles, ligaments, and nerves responsible for sexual function and bladder and bowel control. The U.S. has one of the highest maternal mortality rates among developed countries, according to data from the Orginisation for Economic Cooperation and Development. There were 20 maternal deaths for every 100,000 live births in 2019, more than double the rate just two decades ago.

More than half of the women, 52%, died after delivery. The total numbers are likely higher thab reported, as deaths from suicide and drug overdoses among people who recently gave birth may not be listed as postpartum deaths. Black women are more than twice as likely to die as a result of chilkdbirth than White women, underscoring racial and ethnic diparities.

The most common complications women report after giving birth include pain after sex, incontinence, pain at the incision site following a cesarean section, and postpartum depression, Gunter said. Once the baby is born, a woman’s blood pressure may spike dangerously. She may hemorrhage or develop egg-sized blood clots. Her emotions may plummet or soar amid rapidly fluctuating hormones. Crippling lower back pain may sear on one side of the body, while on the other, the abdominal muscles separate after months of straining to contain a growing human. These changes happen while her newborn baby needs to eat once every two to three hours, if not more frequently.

In a first-of-its-kind, ground-breaking analysis of pre- and post-pregnancy brain scans published in 2016, researchers found mothers lose gray matter during pregnancy—and these losses endure for at least two years. 

Even with all we know about pregnany and childbirth, there are surprises. Because being pregnant and delivering a baby is much more demanding on the body, serious thought should be given whether to bnecome a mother or not and the choice should be made by the person affected the most - the potencial mother. Motherhood is a sacrificial act filled with mystery and can even be seen in the animal kingdom. Moms do and give in ways not even noticed by themselves.

One similarities moms have with an animal is how they carry their newborn. Regardless of whether they are left- or right-handed, human moms tend to cradle their babies on the left side of their bodies, especially in the early months. Observed off the coast of a Russian island, walrus moms tend to keep their babies on the left while bobbing along the waves, and their calves swam over to their mother’s left side before diving to suckle. 

We all know mother protect their children fiercely The widespread phenomenon of maternal aggression may involve oxytocin, a neurochemical also related to birth and lactation. In a 2017 lab experiment, rat moms stopped attacking a threat once oxytocin signaling in part of their brains was blocked. Some studies have found that oxytocin levels in moms increase at the onset of labor and during labor compared to 1 or 2 weeks before labor, reaching a peak just when the head of the baby is delivered. In another study, levels of oxytocin were found to increase slowly until delivery and then decrease up to 8 weeks postpartum. One group reported higher levels of oxytocin at 36 weeks of pregnancy than 1 day after delivery or later.

Mothers are willing to go to the death for their children. Here are some animals who go above and beyond for their offsprings. I ask you to picture a 'human' mom and the sacrifice she makes with her decision to become a mom. Motherhood (pregnancy and delivery included) is not for the faint of heart.

Ever the overachiever, the female octopus can lay up to hundreds of thousands of eggs in one go. Over the eggs’ development period — anywhere from 40 days to 53 months in the case of one record-breaking species, Graneledone boreopacifica, these maternal cephalopods gently blow water currents over the eggs to provide them with oxygen and keep them clean. Unwilling to leave her brood to hunt for food, the mother octopus often resorts to eating one or two of her own tentacles for sustenance while waiting for them to hatch.

Chicken moms take their duties very seriously. Creating an endless amount of calcium carbonate for eggshells is a difficult task, so if chickens don't get enough calcium in their diets, they'll actually dissolve their own bones to make baby-housing shells. 

Like bears, the mother Pacific gray whales go hungry for months while still needing to produce high-calorie milk for their babies. During this time they may lose as much as 8 tons of weight.

For many females spiders, they attach their egg cocoons to their webs and watch over them until the babies hatch. Once her children have hatched, the mother continues to eat, but regurgitates most of her meals as a nutrient soup for her offspring while the spiderlings stay in their mother's web. When the babies are around a month old, the mother spider rollover on her back allowing the spiderlings to clamber over her, kill her by injecting their venom and digestive enzymes into her body, and eat her. When the babies are around a month old, the mother spider rolls over on her back allowing the spiderlings to clamber over her, kill her by injecting their venom and digestive enzymes into her body, and eat her. 

In earwig nation, the idea of unconditional maternal love isn't a given. When earwig mothers have a clutch of babies (or nymphs), the mothers will sniff out a chemical signal from the healthier ones and proceed to provide more abundant care and feeding to those babies. The babies that are identified as hungrier and less robust will be given less attentive parenting and feeding. 

Mama Panda is a coldhearted, favorite-choosing shrew of a parent. Or a little less dramatically: Mama Panda will often give birth to two babies but almost always only raises one.  Panda moms have to expend an enormous amount of energy to even digest their own food, and providing milk or resources for little ones is extremely difficult. By concentrating their energy on one of the babies, the chance of having one healthy offspring seems better than having two weak progeny.

We have no shortage of stories about infanticide in nature. Most of us who have been in a fourth-grade classroom know that hamsters are one of the most well-known creatures to devour their young, along with mice and other rodents. But long-tailed skinks that inhabit the island of Lanyu (just off the coast of Taiwan) If they feel they're threatened by predators, the skinks immediately gobble up their own eggs.

Men Want Women - Badly

     

    I would probably not be too far off the mark if I guessed men would consider it a declaration of WAR if a woman wrote a book about MANHOOD.

    In online communities, there is a large amount of chatter among men saying women are destroying manhood. Men are voicing their distress and proclaiming the tides have turned and women have more rights than men in the jucicial system and work arena. Many men see women as feminizing America. When saying America is becoming feminized, they mean women are insisting men be more compassionate, be more in touch with their feelings, and stop demonstrating toxic masculinity. There are critics of these men and their ideas of manhood being under attack by women, who outright dismiss their feelings of being emasculated by women and society at large. I say, NOT SO FAST.

    Just because a person does not agree completely with another person does not mean there isn't some modicum of truth being said. If there is a large group of people saying the same thing, 'men are facing a manhood crisis', then maybe we should take time to see if there is any validity to the outcry. I will circle back to women writing about manhood in a minute. Bare with me for a moment as I give some context to why men may be feeling marginalized in society.

    According to a 2017 Pew Research Center survey, 53% of American people say they look up to men who are manly or masculine. So,we do understand the feeling of being manly and masculine is important to men and by others. But suprisingly, only 31% of men view themselves as masculine, 54% view themselves as somewhat masculine, and 15% of men view themselves as not masculine. These are some eye-opening statistics about men by men. Men feeling less than masculine is present in men before women are even brought into the equation.

    The well-known men's magazine GQ conducted a 2019 survey of 1,005 American men about masculinity. The survey found 59% of the men considered themselves completely masculine, 40% considered themselves masculine with at least some feminine traits, and 44% of the men have gotten into a physical fight in their lifetime. If these results, let alone the possible questions asked, have you scratching your head, you're not alone. The questions asked, it seems, would definitely cause some problems for the respondent on a core level if gotten wrong. The structure of the questions asked, put men on the defensive to protect himself from being labeled as womanly. This is evident by the answer, "Have you been in a fight?" Agressiveness has long been one of the traits which makes a man manly. This is why there is a rise in toxic masculinity. Men are pressured to be agressive.This brings me to my next point and statistics.

    One third of American men (36%) feel under pressure to behave in a masculine way. Over half (58%) feel society expects them to be "emotionally strong and to show no weakness." More than half (53%) of American men aged 18-34 feel pressure to be manly compared to only 15% of men over the age of 55. Sixty percent of American men agree society puts pressure on men in a way that is unhealthy or bad. The two areas in which men are pressured to show their masculinity and manliness is in the area of their weight (physical fitness) and finances. This brings us to the biggest area of complaint men are having - relationships with the opposite sex - or the lack thereof. Men are deeply upset with what they desire the most, women. On the online communities offering support and understanding to men facing disappointment, frustration, and anger at being rejected by women based on their appearance and income, misogynistic dating advice is offered to get them in  the 'game'. Setting the dating advice aside, men are struggling in being in a relationship with women they desire.

    Nearly half of U.S. adults (47%) say dating is harder today for most people compared with 10 years ago, while a third say it is about the same, and 19% say it’s easier today. Sevent-five percent of men ages 50 and older say it is harder for men to know how to behave on dates compared with 63% of men younger than 50. Another reason dating has become harder is that people are not looking for the same type of relationship according to 53% of respondents. Surprisingly, this same study found 61% of men say they are currently looking for a relationship or dates compared to 38% of single women. Ouch! That's surprising because women declare men are not interested in relationships; only sex. Sevent-five percent of daters say it has been very/somewhat difficult in the last year to find people to date and only 5% said it has been easy. There is a lot of rejection going on in the dating world. Men are going through it on many levels. No wonder there is an outcry. There is pain.

    Now back to why a woman can write about manhood. 

    Manhood is not a mystical mythological entity. Manhood has been demonstrated througout the ages. There are three pillars of manhood, through my research, that allows for the best demonstration of manhood, which are providor, protector, procreator. Men have alsways been able to occupy these roles with little effort or competition. The one thing that made the pillars of this defined manhood so strong was because it was demonstrated through physical stregnth. 

The strong man could provide, protect, and every woman would want to procreate with him. But we live in a time where physical stregnth is no longer needed for safety, survival, and no longer sought after sexually. Advancements in technology on a monumental scale, made the playing field level and the skinniest, frailest, person can still provide, protect, and procreate at the push of a button. Manhood is in competition with advancements in technology. Now a woman, without physical stregnth, can provide, protect, and decide on a wider scale whom she wants to procreate with if at all. Technology is a mind game (woman's stregnth) and no longer a physical game (man's stregnth).

For centuries, men could offer their brute stregnth as an asset and it was enough for every need possible. His body was made to be a fighter, hunter, leader, and producer of children in large numbers. None of those manly demonstrations of manhood are needed in the technological society we live in today. The advice given to men in the MANOSPHERE telling men to beef up their muscles and to be stoic in relationships will be the key to having long-term relationships. 

    During two points in history, masculinity was not demonstrated through physical attributes of the man. During the Roman Empire, men lounged and dined, took group baths with other men, and sought entertainment through art, music, and watching sports. Working was a no-no for men of status and power. In Europe and later America, the wealthy did not work and looked down on men who relied on their muscles for living. Men hunted small game, danced, read, and concerned themselves in dressing in fine clothes. Once again, muscles used for living was looked down upon. Men are in a time now, where manhood, demonstrated by physicality, is not what is desired.

    The focus of men on DATING or how to have their choice in women, will not accomplish what they want - SUCCESS in ALL areas of their lives. In my opinion, men should focus on determining what type of man or manhood does the 21st Century need to fit all of the advancements society has had. Men have to figure out how they, alone or in a relationship, thrive in their 'push a button' reality. An important question men should also ask is, "Who is raising men to be men?"

    

    The United States has the highest total of single mother households in the world. As of 2023, 15.9 million U.S. households are single mother households and 3.5 million are single father households. Twenty-four million, 1/3 of U.S. children under the age of 18 live in single parent households according to another U.S. poll. These are single mother household with young boys being raised to be men. It has been proven, the same sex parent has the biggest influence on the same sex child. Fathers have the most influence on sons and mothers on daughters. Women must fill the gap of the boys same sex biggest influencer not being present. No finger pointing for blame, just recognition there is a large number of single mothers raising sons, future MEN.

    We must have women, who are mothers, who will be influencing the health (physical/mental/spritual/sexual/financial/relational/emotional) of future men engaged in the discussion of what healthy manhood and masculinity looks like and how it is demonstrated in private and public life. Someone has to step in to address the concerns and belief that MANHOOD (in its current definition) is no longer needed nor has no place in society. This does not require a new, conjured-up, spliced together definition of manhood for the 21st century. For some reason, men stopped teaching and instilling in young boys what is needed for a man to live in the society they are living in. Now, men want to teach a MANHOOD that worked in a past society, which is destined to fail. Manhood always adjusts to what is happening in society and EDUCATION is what is happening in today's WORLD (I will blog about education in a later post). The definition of manhood, must be demonstrated in optimum ways which benefit him and all of those in his orbit.

    Will men be on board with women discussing, writing, debating manhood? NO. But it remains necessary. It can be a gateway in offering a viable solution to many of the problems men are voicing in the Manosphere. The one true thing about manhood is IT IS BEST DEMONSTRATED IN RELATIONSHIPS. Yes, while doing research on manhood I discovered this and it will be my theme whenever I talk about manhood. To demonstrate providor, protector, procreator - you must have someone to provide for, protect, and procreate with. Will men buy my book on manhood? Probably not, but men don't usually buy any books written by a woman author (only 19%). So hopefully, more women will research what manhood means and what it does not mean and do not get pulled into unnessary arguments about manhood. I hope both men and women understand a person is male because of biology but manhood is taught and learned. 

 ***Material used in this blog post from my manuscript on Manhood.*** More material to come in future.

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Where Have All The Fathers Gone?

 WHERE HAVE ALL THE FATHERS GONE?

Father's Day is upon us once again and social media will be a buzz with single parent women bashing absentee dads and praising themselves for "doing it alone," which is raising a child without any support from the BABY DADDY. Raise your hand if you hate that term.  It is hard to look past these women and their difficult situation of anger and frustration. We wonder how the child is feeling knowing they have a father who is neglecting them. 

Of course there will be praises for the good dads which will make those who never experienced what it was like to have a good dad in their lives feel some type of way. My mother and father divorced when I was one years old and I only saw him twice in my life. There has never been a Father's Day in which I wondered what I missed without a dad. I just never did, but many fatherless children do. YOU CAN'T MISS WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW was my thing I guess.

My advice for women may cause rage but we as women must not have babies by men in which we have fallen in love with or are in a relationship with. We should keep our hymen (virginity) until we have a diamond (engagement ring or married). Have our sexual exploits really been that good as to possibly to produce a child?  We love to blame men for not being there, but we are responsible for our reproductivity and it begins with SAYING NO TO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE. Enjoy the man but don't be his deposit for sperm and you have no withdrawal power on the account.

What about the men who go around fathering children without a care and do not participate in the raising of those children? Well the Bible tells us in 1 Timothy 5:8 "But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he has denied his faith, as is worse then an infidel." An infidel is a person who does not believe in religion or adheres to a religion of his own making. Men will answer for not caring for their SEED.

HOW MANY BABIES LIVE WITHOUT FATHERS?

Since 1970, out-of-wedlock birth rates have soared. In 1965, 24 percent of black infants and 3.1 percent of white infants were born to single mothers. By 1990 the rates had risen to 64 percent for black infants, 18 percent for whites. Every year about one million more children are born into fatherless families. If we have learned any policy lesson well over the past 25 years, it is that for children living in single-parent homes, the odds of living in poverty are great.

 Many say a father does not have to be married to the woman who birthed his child to be a good father and this is true. Many unwed fathers are great fathers. But the father actually being in the home offers more quality time and for more engagement with the child (many fathers in the home are not engaged with their children and are bad fathers even though they are present).

10 Facts About Father Engagement

1. Fathers and infants can be equally as attached as mothers and infants. When both parents are involved with the child, infants are attached to both parents from the beginning of life.
2. Father involvement is related to positive child health outcomes in infants, such as improved weight gain in preterm infants and improved breastfeeding rates.[2]
3. Father involvement using authoritative parenting (loving and with clear boundaries and expectations) leads to better emotional, academic, social, and behavioral outcomes for children.
4. Children who feel a closeness to their father are: twice as likely as those who do not to enter college or find stable employment after high school, 75% less likely to have a teen birth, 80% less likely to spend time in jail, and half as likely to experience multiple depression symptoms.
5. Fathers occupy a critical role in child development. Father absence hinders development from early infancy through childhood and into adulthood. The psychological harm of father absence experienced during childhood persists throughout the life course.
6. The quality of the father-child relationship matters more than the specific amount of hours spent together. Non-resident fathers can have positive effects on children’s social and emotional well-being, as well as academic achievement and behavioral adjustment.
7. High levels of father involvement are correlated with higher levels of sociability, confidence, and self-control in children. Children with involved fathers are less likely to act out in school or engage in risky behaviors in adolescence.
8. Children with actively involved fathers are: 43% more likely to earn A’s in school and 33% less likely to repeat a grade than those without engaged dads.
9. Father engagement reduces the frequency of behavioral problems in boys while also decreasing delinquency and economic disadvantage in low-income families.
10. Father engagement reduces psychological problems and rates of depression in young women.

According to Psychology Today, researchers have found these narratives to be true. The results of father absence on children are nothing short of disastrous, along a number of dimensions:

1. Children’s diminished self-concept, and compromised physical and emotional security (children consistently report feeling abandoned when their fathers are not involved in their lives, struggling with their emotions and episodic bouts of self-loathing)
2. Behavioral problems (fatherless children have more difficulties with social adjustment, and are more likely to report problems with friendships, and manifest behavior problems; many develop a swaggering, intimidating persona in an attempt to disguise their underlying fears, resentments, anxieties and unhappiness)
3. Truancy and poor academic performance (71 percent of high school dropouts are fatherless; fatherless children have more trouble academically, scoring poorly on tests of reading, mathematics, and thinking skills; children from father absent homes are more likely to play truant from school, more likely to be excluded from school, more likely to leave school at age 16, and less likely to attain academic and professional qualifications in adulthood)
4. Delinquency and youth crime, including violent crime (85 percent of youth in prison have an absent father; fatherless children are more likely to offend and go to jail as adults)
5. Promiscuity and teen pregnancy (fatherless children are more likely to experience problems with sexual health, including a greater likelihood of having intercourse before the age of 16, foregoing contraception during first intercourse, becoming teenage parents, and contracting sexually transmitted infection; girls manifest an object hunger for males, and in experiencing the emotional loss of their fathers egocentrically as a rejection of them, become susceptible to exploitation by adult men)
6. Drug and alcohol abuse (fatherless children are more likely to smoke, drink alcohol, and abuse drugs in childhood and adulthood)
7. Homelessness (90 percent of runaway children have an absent father)
8. Exploitation and abuse (fatherless children are at greater risk of suffering physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, being five times more likely to have experienced physical
9. Abuse and emotional maltreatment, with a one hundred times higher risk of fatal abuse; a recent study reported that preschoolers not living with both of their biological parents are 40 times more likely to be sexually abused)
10. Physical health problems (fatherless children report significantly more psychosomatic health symptoms and illness such as acute and chronic pain, asthma, headaches, and stomach aches)
11. Mental health disorders (father absent children are consistently overrepresented on a wide range of mental health problems, particularly anxiety, depression and suicide)
12. Life chances (as adults, fatherless children are more likely to experience unemployment, have low incomes, remain on social assistance, and experience homelessness)
13. Future relationships (father absent children tend to enter partnerships earlier, are more likely to divorce or dissolve their cohabiting unions, and are more likely to have children outside marriage or outside any partnership)
14. Mortality (fatherless children are more likely to die as children, and live an average of four years less over the life span)

 WHY WON'T HE MARRY ME AND MAKE A FAMILY AND BE A FATHER?

Men avoid marriage because It's too risky and too costly. Men are not marrying because, for many men, the rewards for getting married are far less than they used to be, while the cost and dangers of it are far higher. Divorce rates are sky-high: 45% of marriages end in divorce, and women initiate 80% of them. Here are a few pointers for the woman who wants to have children within a marriage with a father present. Yes, women, we must take responsibility and accountability for trying to be married before having children.

• Most men who graduate from high school start thinking of marriage as a real possibility when they are 23 or 24.
• Most men who graduate from college don’t start considering marriage as a real possibility until age 26.
• When men go to graduate school, it takes them longer to get into the working world, and they’re not ready to get married until a few years after that.
• Ninety percent of men who have graduated from college are ready for the next step between ages 26 and 33; this is when they are most likely to consider marriage. But this window of opportunity stays open only for four to five years, and then the chances a man will marry start to decline.
• A majority of college graduates between 28 and 33 are in their high-commitment years and likely to propose.
• This period for well-educated men lasts just a bit over five years. The chances men will commit are sightly less when they are thirty-one or thirty-two than when they were between 28 and 30, but they’re still in a high-commitment phase.
• Once men reach 33 or 34, the chances they’ll commit start to diminish, but only slightly. Until men reach 37, they remain very good prospects.
• After age 38, the chances they will ever marry drop dramatically.
• The chances that a man will marry for the first time diminish even more once he reaches 42 or 43. At this point, many men become confirmed bachelors.
• Once men reach age 47 to 50 without marrying, the chances they will marry do not disappear, but they drop dramatically.
• 
  

According to author John Molly, men were far more likely to marry when they got tired of the singles scene. there is a point at which men are likely to be ready for the next step, but the specific age depends on the man’s maturity, education, and profession. If a woman wants to know whether a man is ready to get married, she should ask him how much he enjoys the single's scene. If he says it isn’t as much fun as it used to be, he’s a very good prospect, because he’s ready to move on to the next step, but there’s more to it than that: The woman should also ask the man a number of questions, including his age.

If you’re dating a man who has had one or more long-term relationships with other women and didn’t marry them, there’s a real possibility he’s a stringer. A stringer is a man who strings women along. He likes having a woman, sleeping with a woman, eating with a woman, possibly sharing his life with a woman without ever making a real commitment. If you think you may be involved with a stringer, establish a deadline. If he doesn’t commit to you within six months, get rid of him. Pay no attention to his excuses.

Many older men are eager to marry because their biological clock was running. Yes, men have a biological clock too. They want to be young enough when their sons come along to teach them all the things fathers traditionally teach their sons-to ride a bicycle, to fish, to play ball, and so forth. The most important reason older men have for marrying is that if they wait much longer, they wouldn’t be able to be active fathers.

The Huffington Post gives reasons why men don't get married.

1. You'll lose respect. A couple of generations ago, a man wasn't considered fully adult until he was married with kids. But today, fathers are figures of fun more than figures of respect. 

2. You'll lose out on sex. Married men have more sex than single men, on average - but much less than men who are cohabiting with their partners outside of marriage, especially as time goes on. Research even suggests that married women are more likely to gain weight than women who are cohabiting without marriage.

3. You'll lose friends. "Those wedding bells are breaking up that old gang of mine." That's an old song, but it's true. When married, men's ties with friends from school and work tend to fade. Although both men and women lose friends after marriage, it tends to affect men's self-esteem more, perhaps because men tend to be less social in general.

4. You'll lose space. We hear a lot about men retreating to their "man caves," but why do they retreat? Because they've lost the battle for the rest of the house.

5. Single life is better than ever. While the value of marriage to men has declined, the quality of single life has improved. Single men were once looked on with suspicion, passed over for promotion for important jobs, which usually valued "stable family men," and often subjected to social opprobrium. It was hard to have a love life that wasn't aimed at marriage, and premarital sex was risky and frowned upon. Now, no one looks askance at the single lifestyle, dating is easy, and employers probably prefer employees with no conflicting family responsibilities. 

BEFORE BEING A MOTHER CAN YOU BE A WIFE?

The nursery rhyme says "First comes loves then comes marriage then come mommy with a baby carriage." Or something like that. Both sexes need to prioritized the order of their lives and their children's lives. No matter how children come they are a blessing. But each child should have an opportunity to have the love of both mother and father in a stable loving family unit. While we bash men for not being fathers, we women should also take time to think are we WIFE MATERIAL? Here is what men say they want in a wife in a count down. These traits also make for good mothers.

No. 10: Ambition and Industriousness: It is clear that men find a woman's drive, determination and energy attractive qualities in a life partner.

 No. 9: Desire for Home and Children

No. 8: Good looks: Perhaps because modern marriages are more likely based on love and attraction rather than practicalities (like wealth or status), physical attractiveness is more desirable.

No. 7: Good Health: Both sexes are living well into their 70s, and often older, making good health a predictor of a long-lasting marriage.

No. 6: Sociability: Because today's married couples are more likely to be friends and have mutual circles of friends, it makes sense that this has become a more attractive characteristic.

No 5: Pleasing Disposition

No. 4: Education and Intelligence: A woman's education and intelligence are more attractive to men than ever before.

No. 3: Emotional Stability and Maturity: They want a woman who is grounded and secure in herself. 

No. 2: Dependable Character: They want a wife who will stand by their side 

No. 1: Mutual Attraction and Love: Above all, men want to marry a woman they love and are attracted to. Now, both men and women are marrying for love first and foremost, and marriages have become unions of passion, friendship, support and mutual attraction. 

This Father's Day let's think how we can contribute to giving our potential children the gift of a FATHER. Fatherhood has been happening to often by accident and they are leaving the scene of the crime.