Do Men Need Silence To Survive?

Raise your hand if you feel your man never wants to listen to you or seems to tune out when you talk. Is it you? Well, it has been me.

One day while I was TALKING to my husband he became frustrated. This was nothing new. No matter the topic I would endeavor to discuss with him, he would become frustrated. A thought came to my mind. Many women complain their husband doesn't talk to them or seem to tune them out when they are speaking. This "general"experiences of women with their husbands have left them frustrated for years. Why do men "tune out" or become agitated when women are speaking?

A light bulb went off in my head. Can there be a genetic component to women being able to LISTEN and men to TUNE OUT.

Mothers are exceptional beings. They have a HEARING capacity that goes beyond scientific explaination. A mother can detect the difference and significance of her child's voice, laughter, or cry. They know just by hearing if their child is in danger, sick, happy, anxious, or sad. They are in TUNE to verbal expression. A mother's ear is always on alert for various sounds her child may make and acts accordingly.

On the other hand, we know through historical evidence, men are hunters. Hunters need silence to stalk and to kill their prey. NOISE is the enemy of men in their endeavor to kill to secure food for thier family. Also, silence is needed when men are trying to determine if danger or a threat is approaching. For men, noise meant danger or loss of a successful hunt. SILENCE was a man's partner and NEED. Not only do men avoid making any noise when hunting, they also try to be INVISIBLE to what they are hunting. Even the equipment selected to take on a hunt must not make any noise while hunting.

Men are also able to key in on the sounds their prey may make. Breaking branches as they move or the crunching of leaves as they walk. But they are FOCUSED on sounds/noise with the intentions of killing. Why would a man focus on NOISE if they are not going in for a kill or to protect? It makes no sense.

Can it be that men are wired to have an adverse reaction to NOISE and noise is the most important factor for a woman to ensure the health and safety of her offsprings? Do we as men and women have ingrained reactions to NOISE or talking for what we are wired to do as humans? Can it be that simple?

Some men find it so upsetting, so emotionally arousing to listen to their partners that they feel they have to ventilate their anger or withdraw. In fact, this is supported by the research that shows that their pulse-rates escalate during conflict and they find this unbearable.

The reasons given most often by men why they don't listen to their wives is, If it were to be generalised is…

• She doesn’t say what she means 
• She can change her mind a lot
• She can say she likes things when he knows she doesn’t 
• She can tell him what she wants and then not be happy when she gets it
• She can become emotional over the smallest of things
• She can be upset for no reason
• She can tell him she hates him one day and then loves him the next
• She can be miserable with him and instantly switch and be happy when a friend calls
• She can lie about past events
• She’s overly emotional and unreasonable
• She’s controlling

That is a lot of reasons why a man says he does not listen to a woman/spouse. The reason is ALL due to her ACTIONS and no responsibility is on HIM. Most women will tell you, as soon as she BEGINS to SPEAK, the man CHECKS OUT. He doesn't even try to listen to the topic of discussion. He is frustrated in being APPROACHED with the possibility of being in a DISCUSSION.

On the other hand, women seem to be willing to talk about any and every subject. Women are usually more verbal than men, women possess higher levels of language protein in their brains. Research shows that most women speak on average 20,000 words per day, approximately 13,000 more than the average male.

Women generally speak more quickly and devote more brainpower to verbal communication. Beware, though, when you see the word “generally”, as it refers to just 51% or more of any population. Until recently, we couldn’t biologically explain why women’s brains were more active with speech and communication. New Journal of Neuroscience findings show that a protein called FOXP2 produces speech. Researchers find 30% more FOXP2 in the brains of girls. This protein is a key molecule for communication in mammals. With this link, scientists may soon trace the evolutionary origin of human speech. Proving their sense of humor, the lead authors (a man and woman) on the study concluded that perhaps they’ve also found the reason women tend to be so much better at small talk.

Science says women are designed to TALK and we know they are designed to LISTEN.

It was found that mothers' ability to recognize their newborn from their cries increased rapidly within a few days of postpartum, with highly multiparous mothers performing better. However, both male and female non-parents could similarly recognize an assigned baby, even after a very short exposure. Researchers at the National Institutes of Health have uncovered firm evidence for what many mothers have long suspected: women’s brains appear to be hard-wired to respond to the cries of a hungry infant. A mother's reaction to the many sounds of her child seems to continue as the child grows. She is highly aware of her child's verbal communication and it's underlying meaning. Communication is vital to ensure the survival of her child and welcomed. 

Researchers asked men and women to let their minds wander, then played a recording of white noise interspersed with the sounds of an infant crying. Brain scans showed that, in the women, patterns of brain activity abruptly switched to an attentive mode when they heard the infant cries, whereas the men’s brains remained in the resting state. 

This is a difference I have recognized from my own experience and interaction with my husband and has made me wonder if men are genetically adverse to noise which includes talking which women are prone to due in excess in their opinion. Have we been riding our male companions to do something that disturbes their core being? We need men to TALK also (even without being aware of it) so we can determine their wellbeing through their speech and we feel it's being withheld which makes us feel insecure and unsafe. While men find silence crucial to their ability to feel safe and secure.

In relationships, men and women always seem to be on a different wavelegnth and oppposition. Maybe we just don't understand and work WITH the way we may both be wired to survive.