For Colored Girls; a window into the soul and suicide

 

    Movie critic Alynda Wheat of People Magazine, Nov. 15, 2010, said that the movie For Colored Girls "...fueled a dangerous fallacy that black women are perpetual victims and black men border on villainous...I can't help but wish those tales were better told, and with something resembling hope."

     I couldn't disagree with her more. When the movie "Precious" came out a relative of mine said she was embarrassed for white people to see the movie. She said now they think we are all like that. I told her from my view of the world many families are hiding abuse of various kinds from numerous people behind closed doors and society tells them your story is too horrid for us to deal with. Keep it to yourself. All that is needed for evil to win is for good people to do nothing. Just think, if someone else's reality is too crude for you, think how difficult that reality it to live in. The shame and guilt must be overwhelming. 

    People have many opinions on almost every topic and are willing to share them (i.e. me). There are those who believe people should only adopt children of the same race. One psychologist stated, "If you do not have people that look different than you, or people who look like the adopted child at your dinner table regularly, then maybe it would not be a good idea to adopt a child of a different race." I think that is something to consider. Bottom line is there are so many children waiting to be adopted into a loving family that race should not be the deciding factor. I have also had the delightful opportunity for people that are not of my race or my religious denomination to explain my race and particular denomination to me. They give me the history and how the mind set of African Americans developed and how and why my denomination came about and MY way of worshipping. 

    Now, these particular people are proud of their understanding of various ethnicities and denominations, and they should be. I applaud them for even having a superficial understanding, but no one knows better than the source. We should not let our academia and observation form our conclusions about others because God is the master of individuality. I have heard in the past years many Christians express their disappointment at black Christians for voting for Obama as they say, "Just because he is black." I have heard pleas from AFR (American Family Radio) hosts for black people to call in and 'explain' why they would vote for Obama and against God. My thought would drift to "They obviously do not have any close black friends to ask this question and if they do have black friends, then they may not be as close as they think they are because black people are cautious who they let into the true mind of a black person as are other ethnicities" BELEIVE IT. We all keep secrets from one another based on ethnicity and even gender. There is a certain code of silence in all ethnicities. The book "Black Like Me" really relays this fact in the black community as a white man living as a black man discovers. Many of my close white friends have told me that conversations are different when only Caucasians are present, and the reply is 'ditto' for all ethnicities. WHY AM I SAYING ALL OF THIS YOU MAY ASK?    Because of the movie "For Colored Girls" This movie took the lid off of the human experience and exposed all of its ugliness in delicate penetrating poetic artistry. All of the complexities of existence were boldly tackled. The human response to pain and reaching a point of saying 'No more' screamed its way off of the movie screen. SECRETS that cross all walks of life and must be denied at all costs. THIS MOVIE ENTERED THE REALM OF LIES THAT SAY:" These are the problems only THEY have" The movie wasn't intended to spin a tale it was an attempt to let people in on what takes a person to the brink of suicide a place all people say they would not go, but when the constant drum beat of life deals you less than roses and fairy tale endings that are promised you are left with... WHAT? 

    Those on the outside looking in do not have the scars of the mounting assault. They come in fresh at your end point. They say, "There was a better solution." But in these tales of these women on the big screen, we wanted to flee from their lives, we wanted to scream, to lash out, everything but LIVE in it till the rainbow came with a happy ending. Suicide is not the final and best answer for any problem, but what about those people who come to that place and yet have to tell others of this terrible ordeal that words cannot adequately describe. Pats on the back and future promises seem out of reach or else those suffering surely would have reached them already. 

    The movie delivered on its promise for me "Pain exists, cruelty exists, brokenness exists, and there are many people in that phase of living." Tyler Perry's movie was intermingled with sheer unabated searing pain but had shadows of laughter masterfully interjected. Those who entered the movie theater to be entertained, came face to face with at least one familiar life situation or one familiar character. People laughed at the images of self in similar situations, they ohhed and awwed at the snatch of the heart the presence of the black male induced, and cringed at the tumble we take when it all comes crashing down or crashing in. People who want to understand people across racial lines and within racial lines must see this movie. it was not just the experience of colored girls. 

    When you seek to know the 'whys' behind a person's actions think about the pain behind some of those actions. The women in this movie were pushed; some by their own self-inflicted wrong decisions and some just victims of another's damaged life and mind. Each woman in that theater watching those lives careen out of control and finally to some livable conclusion, could relate. I would love to be in an audience of all white women to see their reactions. I would love to sit in an audience of Hispanics to see their response to the movie. I believe womanhood shares something that goes beyond ethnicity. The characters and their experience were situations faced by many women whether anyone is willing to admit it or not. 

    There are many war vets returning home right now and many families in chaos this very day. Suicides are on the rise and yet movie critics want a hopeful ending? Someone has to show some reality sooner or later. The poem on the rapist was beyond description. What happens to the psyche of the woman who does everything right and yet everything can go so horribly wrong? The poem said she was guarding herself against the stranger and it was the friend she let in that caused her harm. What hopefulness is there for her? Women are raped by people they know all of the time and have the hardest time convincing others it was an assault because they KNEW them. Where are the roses and happy endings for this truth? The dueling poems on 'I know you' and 'You don't know me" were masterful.

     Women date men and make them into the men they would like them to be in their minds. A cool aloof man who lacks intimacy is labeled the strong silent type. We hang in there to be the ONE he opens up to and he moves on before he opens up. They tell you they have a quick temper, and we say he is so jealous with a giggle as if that is a true sign of love. We don't KNOW half of the people we deal with and are surprised when things go wrong. I always tell my daughters "Believe a person when they tell you they are crazy; they probably are." This is a movie for generation after generation of women to share. Don't just watch it, discuss it with your daughters and the men in your lives. Heal and be prepared to heal as life presents the opportunity. Closing your eyes and saying that could never be me allows it to be you. formulate your plan for life and these cruel situations as best you can so you can do your best to have that hopeful ending.