Boys to Men, the Rite of Passage.

 

    America is a melting pot of ancestral diversity. People traveled from distant lands to come here to chase the American dream of becoming wealthy. They brought with them their culture influencing language and the food we eat. In an effort to become part of the American experience many immigrants let go of what tied them to their homeland. They stopped using their native language and traditions. The experience for the black American was different because they were brought to America against their will and were forced to relinquish their ancestral language, culture, and traditions. In this effort of the immigrants trying to become "American" one major pracitce was lost that has had a negative impact on men.

    The rite of passage, when a boy becomes a man has been lost. It was clear in many cultures that to become a man, a boy needed a period of instruction. He was not left to figure it out through trial and error. The adult males in his community would pour the knowledge they knew into the young men when they  reached a certain age. This was an important time in the life of these young men. You may ask, why was this so important then and now?

    When you are a child you are suppose to behave like a child which includes playing and having fun without the burden of responsibility. The community should not and does not look to children to behave as adults. One flaw parents are guilty of nowadays is making children adults before their time. They are lavished with adult ammenities such as designer clothes, cars when they are teenagers, spa treatments, expensive toys, and the latest tech gadgets. It is difficult to distinguish adult from child when it comes to material possessions. But when the rite of passage was part of society, there was a clear distiction between child and adult.

    A boy knew he behaved a certain way before he went through the rite of passage and he knew he would behave and be treated differently after going through his rite of passage. The rite consisted of three distinct components: leaving his childhood community, period of instruction/training, and returning to community. He would leave a boy and return a man. For a while, entering the military served as a sort of rite of passage for young men. They left their home, went off for military training, and returned a different man the community recognized as changed and he was treated as a man who had changed.

    Boys had a period of instruction by other men teaching them what manhood meant. Boys knew there was a difference in behavior for a boy and a man and they looked forward to becoming a man and being treated as such in his community. He was expected to live as he had been taught. The rite of passage was a time a boy said goodbye to being a child and returned changed into a man able to handle the responsibilities that came with being a man. He earned the rite of manhood.

With so many children living in homes without fathers, the transition from boy to man, has all but disappeared. Communities have suffered because grown men have been left in the "boy" stage of life. Communities suffer because boys are given the toys of men making them believe they are mature enough to possess them. The distinction of boy and man has been lost. 

    Modern society began telling young men to "sow your wild oats" before settling down and getting married. This period of sowing wild oats was seen as the young man's time of experimenting and learning life through experiences. This wild oats time has left  men with a string of illegitimate children and without financial stability. Sowing wild oats was no more than an extended time of play that was supposed to be enjoyed during childhood and relinquished when entering manhood. Men demand respect from family, friends, peers, community, and the world and have not transitioned into a phase in their lives where they have earned respect and recognition.

    The rite of passage, when a boy leaves childhood, and becomes a man through instruction can be recovered within a family dynamic. Fathers and male mentors can help boys become men. A wonderful modern way for young men to have the rite of passage experience is going away to college. The boy leaves his childhood home, goes off for instruction, and returns to his community changed. But young men prefer quick money and fun after high school graduation instead of learning that will enrich his life and increase his financial stability for years to come.

    The rite of passage is vital to manhood. The lack of such a rite has left a vacuum in the pool of men women can choose to marry. The Rite of passage man, a mentally, emotionally mature man ready to face the trials of manhood is difficult to find. The Genesis man who is instructed to leave his parents home and make his own home for his family is difficult to find. Our communities and nation as a whole suffer from this lack of the rite of passage and Genesis man. 

    To demonstrate manhood, one MUST be in a relationship so the man can have someone to provide for, protect, and procreate with. This balance is off and men are procreating without providing and protecting. Masculinity can be demonstrated outside of relationships but has nothing to do with the TRADITIONAL definition of manhood as provider, protector, and procreator. Masculinity is something for personal ego, but manhood goes beyond masculinity. Many men want women to admire their masculinity and women do. But masculinity is not a sought after trait for relationships because it is a solo endeavor of praise. Their is no stability for a woman from a man offering masculinity. A man must offer manhood and its pillars of security; provider, protector, and procreator. 

    Young women, when marriage is not on their mind, go for the masculine man and more often than not find herself having a child by the masculine man. Once she is a mother and knows she needs more than masculinity, she searches for a man demonstrating manhood traits of security. Men don't care too much for the single mother. This is the downfall of men offering procreation only and women accepting it in their youth. The man who is no longer offering masculinity, but manhood, usually are step fathers and now they are getting a bad rep by masculine men. 

    We all need to be taught, men and women, what manhood is and what womanhood is and it is not SEX before marriage. Men want to go back to the biblical woman. There is also a biblical man and no sex before marriage is MAJOR for traditional men and women. I believe we should ALL start there when returning to traditional sex roles. 

    There is nothing more wonderful than a man living out manhood. He is a prize and an asset to family and community. He is mature and balanced in relationships and in marriage he values his wife and children. He understands that his wife and children carry his NAME and his name is respected. They BELONG TO HIM AND HIS FAMILY BLOOD LINE. They are secure and protected by his family clan. When people see his wife and children, they know they have been grafted into his family bloodline.

    Too many women and children do not belong to their family bloodline. They are not secure and protected and we have children doing disrepectful thing in society. They do not belong and we no longer use the label of BASTARD, but that is what many children are. Their fathers have left them unprotected and unprovided for. This cycle is repeating rapidly.

    Lifting up masculinity if fine. But, manhood is not addressed. Men need to understand and teach healthy manhood to our young boys so they will not grow up in a time where they believe people don't respect manhood. Manhood is a lifestyle demonstrated in relationships. All relationships. It is taught and learned. Our society lost that along the way.  

Don't forget to purchase "When Will Eve Be Forgiven?" available on amazon.com and keep an eye out for my upcoming book release "Manhood Interrupted, But Not destroyed, An Answer For The Red Pill Man" from which this blog originated.