Mothers Are The "Great Teacher"

 With Mother's Day just around the corner, my thoughts began to turn to all of the things I do and have done for my children and family in general as a mother. I see all of the fuzzy feelings and tender-hearted commercials trying to tell children what the perfect gift for mom would be. But is there an appropriate gift to give the one who gives their all?

I thought about Jesus and how he laid his life down for humanity so they could have a shot at eternal life. The giving of himself so fully for others - others never met yet whom he was willing to die for. Moms are not up there with Jesus, but there is no other example of a person giving their all, including their life for someone they love, than a mother.

I must admit there are some terrible mothers out there. There is not a hallmark card for them though. It isn't an easy job. but, even with their imperfections; their children love them deeply. So, for me to say 'there are some terrible moms' would be too flippant, judgmental, and downright horrible. So, I will separate the less than perfect mom, my category, from criminal moms. 

I love listening to the commercials encouraging people to adopt. They target in on the fact that you do not have to be cool, a rocket scientist, or child psychologist to be a loving person willing to adopt a child needing to be loved.

I wanted to take the time to appreciate those who are in this institution of motherhood, adoptive mom. Raising a child with shared DNA is one thing, but choosing to raise a child with the same amount of love and dedication who does not share any familial connection, is epic. A mother's love knows no bounds.

Mothers are the TEACHERS of the world. They fill this position sometimes with little or no training. It is simpler to answer the question what a mother doesn't teach than what does she teach. Even for men who cannot tolerate being under the authority of a woman began their lives being under the authority of a woman, his mother. He was once shaped and molded by a woman.

Mothers do not have a standard checklist in which they tick off all of the things they successfully teach their children. Maybe it would help in child rearing if they did. But one teaching mothers have let slip by the wayside is teaching their sons and daughters HOW to be a spouse. This is evident with people looking for or in a relationship wanting to be a POWER COUPLE, forgetting what MARRIAGE is truly about. You may ask if it is an actual duty of a mother to teach her child how to be a spouse and the answer is YES.

Titus 2:1–5 in the Bible says, "You, however, must teach what is appropriate to sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God".

In this passage we see older women are supposed to carry themselves in a certain way and in turn teach younger women to do the same. In this teaching of how an older woman is supposed to live is the teaching of the younger woman how to be a wife and MOTHER (young men should be taught also how to be a husband and father).

I'm sure since there is wording regarding being SUBMISSIVE to the husband and doing housework, women prefer to not acknowledge this Bible passage. Whether the passage is embraced or not, being a spouse/mother is something that should be TAUGHT and not done by the seat of the pants. If children were being taught marriage and parenthood can be rewarding and what each is supposed to look like when healthy, then maybe today's nuclear family structure would not be threatened. We groom our children for careers and income but not how to be spouses and parents. Why should it be taught in the case of women? Because a mother becomes a GREAT TEACHER. It would seem it falls to the father to make sure the son learns how to be a husband and father but remember who the primary teacher in the home is. And sons definitely need to be taught how to be a good husband and father the entirety of their childhood.

Teachers in the American educational system state with just cause that they are underpaid for their work in teaching the future of America and underappreciated. Likewise, a mother, the FOREVER teacher is not comparably compensated for her work and her contribution to society is woefully underappreciated. 

Sometimes motherhood is a thankless position of late hours and few seeable benefits. But, upon reflection it turns out to be filled with benefits. Nothing can ever compare to that first whiff of innocence/newness I inhaled the first time I held each of my daughters for the first time. That was priceless. All of the funny faces they made at new discoveries made me smile. The laughter that tickled my ears at the simplest of things they found to be hilarious, and I had long ago taken for granted, made me smile. I have memories filled with smiles. If I were offered millions for my mother memories, I would turn it down. So, to all of the mothers out there; happy Mother's Day from me.

No matter what your mothering style is, preparing your child for marriage and parenthood or not, all that you do DO is invaluable. But of course, there is someone who did put a value on it.

According to ZipRecruiter, as of April 30, 2024, the average hourly pay for a stay-at-home mom in the United States is $16.32, and the average hourly pay for a housewife is $22.95. A 2019 survey from Salary.com estimated that the median annual salary for stay-at-home moms is $178,201, which includes traditional roles like housekeeper, dietitian, and day care teacher, as well as newer roles like network administrator, social media communications, and recreational therapist. Not too shabby, eh?

Heather Chrudimsky states that a stay-at-home moms perform many necessary duties, have important responsibilities that serve as the glue in a family/household that keeps it together and running smoothly. Their duties don't run on a 9 to 5 schedule and there is no punch out time. Below is her listing of a mother's duties.

10. Administrative assistant: run errands, answer the phone, pay bills, fill out paperwork, organize and schedule activities,
9. Chef: whether it's breakfast, lunch or dinner. Cooking responsibilities are on the shoulders of the stay-at-home - all while taking care of the kids.
8. Tutor/teacher: Time to bring out the math, science, spelling, etc. skills back out. No matter what the age, homework help is a staple in a stay-at-home mom's day.
7. Chauffeur: Whether it's to school, choir, dance, sports practice, dentist, doctor, friend's house, park, grocery store, etc., stay-at-home moms spend just about as much time in their vehicle as a truck driver.
6. Daycare provider: Kiddos are obviously a stay-at-home mom's top priority. Making sure they are busy, safe and engaged is a constant.
5. Referee: Literally and figuratively. Children fight and it is the job of mom to make sure no one is hurt, and lessons are learned.
4. Doctor/nurse: Band-aids, ointment and mommy kisses - nothing cures a boo-boo better.
3. Psychiatrist: Whether is it helping little ones understand their growing emotions or healing a first broken heart - mom is always there to offer a shoulder to cry on and give advice of course.
2. Maid/homemaker: Just call them domestic divas - name the cleaning chore, stay-at-home moms have done it.
1. Family mascot/boss: Regardless of a family's makeup, moms are the family centerpiece, keeping the family together, making sure everything runs smoothly and keeping everyone happy.

Seems like mothers might need regular vacation time WITH PAY.

For children, whatever you decide to give your mother for Mother's Day; expensive or not, make sure you smother her with 'thank yous' and 'love yous' because this is music to a mother's ears.

SEX And The Christian Marriage

 

I have taken many courses on Marriage Counseling from the secular and Christian perspective. Both agree that sex is an important component in marriage and can cause stress and strain on a marriage. Intimacy is held in high regard in both sectors of teaching on marriage. There is a major difference between the two camps of teaching on sex in marriage. The Christian aspect on marriage is that a wife can never decline to have sexual relations with her husband.

"The husband should fulfill his marital duties to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by MUTUAL CONSENT and for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I SAY THIS AS A CONCESSION, NOT AS A COMMAND." 1 Corinthians 7:3-6.

Without hesitation a Christian husband will say a Christian wife cannot deny a husband sex; it is her duty because her body does not belong to herself. I wrote the complete passage on the subject, but it seems that Christian men rather not read the entire passage.

One of my professors stated that when a Christian couple comes in for counseling due to infidelity on the husband's part, the first question he asks the woman is "Did you keep him sexually satiated?" I was stunned by this **it must be said that I was the only female in this class and my shock was singular* The instructor went on to explain that is why Paul instructed women not to deny their husband's sex, because Satan would tempt a sexually starved man to cheat and thus it is her shortcoming for her husband's sexual appetite not being fulfilled on demand by the wife. If the man was getting steak at home every night he could pass the enticing aroma of steak eminating from another house as he passed by on his way home each night. Shock was soon replaced by sadness.

On AFR radio I heard the host and a doctor of psychology discussing sex in the Christian marriage and how a wife is commanded by God not to deny her husband. A sexually satisfied man is able and freed to become the head of his household because sex destresses him and makes him feel more like a man; a duty of the wife.

The men went on to explain how women just do not get how important sex is to a man. The expert went on to recount an experience he had with his own wife on a Thursday night. He walked into the kitchen one night and saw his wife loading the dishwasher. As she bent over loading the dirty dishes he said "Do you know what I'm thinking?" She replied "Yes, I do and we were just together Tuesday, it's just Thursday."

The two men chuckled and went on to explain how flattering it should be to a wife to be desired at all times by her husband. ***My husband was with me listening to this radio pragram and wanted to turn the channel. I don't know if it was due to shame or because he knew I was beginning to get angry at what I was hearing.***

The men said a wife just does not understand how wonderful her husband would feel after working all day to support her and the family in the stressful job market to come home to a woman who had been waiting all day to have sex with him. After having served him a wonderful meal and ushered the kids to bed to have her smelling good and awaiting him in the bed would encourage him in his role as head of the household as God intended.

Another professor I had who actually did marriage counseling as a career stated, when a man entered into the session and began to list what the Bible states the duties of a Christian wife are, he stops him and tells the husband to tell him how HE fulfills his biblical duties as a husband and not discuss his wife's shortcomings. HORRAH for him. *He was may favorite Marriage and Family instructor.

I wanted to write a book telling women they have the right to do with their bodies as they please, but there is no misinterpretation of that Scripture. God intended for the couple not to with hold sex from each other. In Corinth adultry was rampant and Paul wanted to try to help the Christian marriage survive this influence, so he instructed them to fulfill sexual needs within the marriage. If the couple works together and discusses what works for them in the bedroom then of course this would create intimacy and respect for each other. Paul stated that this was a suggestion and not a command; which is the important part of the equation. God stated that a couple was to become as one, so the woman's body and the husband's body was not two separate entities but one. Somehow, they would have to manage the sexual aspect of marraige with respect and consideration not hurting and neglecting each other.

What if a man was told to eat when he was not hungry because it would make his wife feel more like a woman? Wouldn't that man soon develop an avesion to food? What if he was watching a football game and the woman just looked at him and said "I would like for you to eat this meal out of the blue? Would he think she was crazy? What indication had he given her that he was even hungry? What if her womanhood was wrapped up in whether he declined to eat? How about if the man is sick? Should a woman be pushing meals on him? When is a sexual request out of order for the man?

A young Christian married couple still newlyweds, marriage crumbled over sex. An amorous husband found his wife irresistable after she had dressed to go to a meeting. On her way out of the door, he wanted a quick sexual encounter. The wife promised to return as early as possible to come back to satisfy his husbandly urges. Knowing and having been taught a wife should not deny her husband sexually, he became upset and decided to go to a strip club.

This left the young bride with much turmoil. Her refusal to her Christian husband led him to seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere outside of the marriage. The pastor in which they saught counseling from accepted her repentence for her sin and said maybe she may need to leave her blossoming law career if it was going to cause conflict in her marriage. The couple divorced within the year. The young woman wrestled with her sin for 2 more years and the husband has married and divorced 2 more times since his marriage to her.

I said all of this to say: Christian husbands - you should hear what your wives say in whispered voices about their DUTY of having sex on demand to other women. Slavery demands its property to fulfill duties whether they want to or not. The punishment for not fulfilling sexual duties is to be told you are not a Christian wife. It is sad to know all other efforts at being a good Christian and a good Christian wife can be cancelled by just not wanting to have sex on demand. Depression ensues and aversion to the sex act grows. Practiced shows of intimacy and submission is the outcome. Anger finds root because the husband does not even recognize or do not care about the lack of enthusiasm the woman is showing about the sex act. All she is needed to do is to show up.

This is not the case in many Christian marriages, but horror stories exist. The test is if a man is saying: "It is the woman's duty" or "her body does not belong to herself" there may be a problem. When you are reminding someone "you must do this" you are going to have a problem.

I believe men and women should have more open conversations about sex in Christian marriage without the threat of being called "not a Christian." Women should start these groups and invite the men to hear "the real talk about sex in Christian marriages." God knows the heart of everyone. Hypocrisy is not one of His favorite traits. How can this divide be bridged. SEX is beautiful, can remain beautiful, and is God ordained. Christians should be leading the way in happy healthy sexual relationships.

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