What Kind Of Lover Are You?

    Face it. People love to be in love. There are love songs that tug at heart strings we play over and over. Etta Jame's cover of the song "At Last' is played as a first dance song at weddings. Her soulful crooning about love sends shivers up the spine. "All Of Me" by John legend takes your breath away as he voices words of deep love in verses of song.The classic Al Green song "Let's Stay Together" is filled with the desparation of a man in love unwilling to give up on love. Sinead O'Conner blew our minds with "Nothing Compares 2 U" finding the love of a lifetime. Dolly Parton may have been the first to write and sing "I Will Always Love You" But Whitney Houston took it to a whole 'nother' level of undying love. Rhianna's "Diamond In the Sky" really strikes a chord with me.

    The list of love songs go on and on about love lost, love found, enduring love, yearning for love, and the need to be loved. Humans love love. We desire love. But I ask the question, what kind of LOVER are you? I came across a beautiful poem which delves into a DIFFERENT type of love. A love many of us never thinks about. Indulge me for a moment please as I go into the world of religious LOVE

MY FRIEND

I stand in Judgement now,
And feel that you are to blame somehow.
On earth I walked with you day by day,
And never did YOU point the way.
YOU knew the Lord in truth and glory,
But never did you tell ME the story.
My knowledge then was very SLIM,
YOU could have led me safe to Him.
Though we lived together on earth,
YOU never told me of the SECOND birth.
And now I stand this day condemned,
Because YOU failed to mention HIM.
YOU taught me many things, that's true,
I called YOU "friend" and trusted you.
But learn now that it's too late,
YOU could have kept me from this fate.
We walked by day and talked by night,
And yet YOU showed me not the Light.
YOU let me live, and love, and die,
YOU knew I'd never live on high.
Yes, I called you a "friend" in life,
And trusted YOU through joy and strife.
And yet on coming to the end,
I cannot, NOW, call YOU, "My Friend."

WHAT KIND OF LOVE IS THIS AND HOW IS THIS LOVE DEFINED?

LOVE= unselfish, benevolent, concern for others (1Corinthians 13:4-7 charity). To love God supremely and others unselfishly are the 2 most important commands of Jesus (Matthew 22:37-40). Christ's death was the supreme expression of love (John 13:1 and 15:13).

AGAPE= A Greek word for selfless love, the type of love which characterizes God. If we are made in his own image, we should have his characteristics. Agape is primarily an ACT OF THE WILL rather than the EMOTIONS (John 3:16 and Romans 5:8). Agape love is the GREATEST and most enduring of ALL CHRISTIAN VIRTUES (1 Corinthians 13). Agape love for others is a badge of discipleship (John 13:34-35).

    Notice God says there are outward signs of His people. Is love an outward sign of love or a type of badge? Does it speak to the world? Are we not His disciples, His children? Police wear badges. They have to show their badge so you will know they are who they say they are. They are given the authority to use their job description. Are you flashing your badge of authority, your job description of love?

    Now that we have the definition of love, we now have the knowledge of love. What we are lacking at this point is the WISDOM of love. Wisdom is when you take the KNOWLEDGE you have and use it. So now we come to the question: "What kind of lover are you?" We should love God, ourselves, and others as we love ourselves. There is no command to leave anyone out. FORGIVENESS helps us to accomplish loving others as we love ourselves.

1. ARE YOU A STINGY LOVER? Do you designate how much you are willing to love someone? How long you are willing to love someone? Do you give yourself wholly to the love experience or are you half into it making the person work for your love? Do you pick who is or is not worthy of your love?

2. ARE YOU A PRIDEFUL LOVER? Do you pat yourself on your own back, praising yourself for how wonderful you are at showing love to others? Do you bother to check and see with the recipient of your love if they are being loved in the way they need to be loved? Your definition of love can be totally different from someone elses.

3. ARE YOU AN ABUSIVE LOVER? Are you loving someone grudgingly? Are you giving love only when someone else is looking? Do you with-hold love to get people to behave the way you want them to? Do you neglect yourself or people closest to you, but have an abundance of love for a stranger? Do you hold grudges? Does someone have to ask or beg you for your love?

4. ARE YOU A WISHY-WASHY LOVER? Are people afraid to approach you because the don't know what they may run into day by day or hour by hour? Are some days easier for you to show love and other days difficult? God wants consistency, not double mindedness.

    The type of lover you are does not have to be dependent on whetehr you are a Christian or not.

WE SAY WE HAVE THE LOVE OF GOD IN US BUT.....

    We have children we don't minister to or make disciples of Christ equipping them to lead others by sharing the gospel. We do not lay hands on them and pray for them. We leave prayer for our children to the school and then become angry when the institution fails to pray. We try to give our children everything their hearts desire except the gift of eternal life with God. Remember, whether you are religious or not, the philosophy of love you instill in your children matter.

    We love our sisters, brother, parents, and yet we don't invite them to church with us or live Godly examples of joy and peace so that they can see God through us. We tell them what we don't and can't do because we are Christians, not exampling Jesus among those who needed him most. As Christians, it is about what we are WILLING to do to show the love of Christ. Christian or not, the way you treat family members matter. 

We love OURSELVES, yet do not do what is in our own best interest: pray, love, spread the gospel, have faith through deeds, read the word of God, study the word of God because it is life and light, and be obedient to His will. Nowadays, people have to reminded to love themselves. Some of the biggest wounds people have to recover from, are making bad decisions which hurt themselves. 

We say we love God. To love God is to be obedient and to be holy as He is holy. To love yourself is to do what is good for yourself and humankind.

    We need to pray and ask God to bring us to this level of agape love. It may not happen over night, but a willing heart accomplishes much through the grace of God. Romans 13:8 "OWE no man anything, but to love one another; for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the Law." If you do not pray, come to some knowledge that love, beyound love relationships, are important. 

WHAT KIND OF LOVER ARE YOU?

Don't forget to buy my book, When Will Eve Be Forgiven? Which is all about loving yourself as a woman. PLEASE like, share, comment, and follow my blog. I need you.

Birthday Gift for Oprah Winfrey

  

   Happy 70th Birthday Oprah Winfrey. What present can you give a woman who has everything? Give her one of her favorite things - READ a book which encourages positive self-change.

    I found this great book What Happy Women Know by Dan Baker, Ph.D. which I have suggested to people on my 'Get Caught Reading Campaign'. There is a great tool in the book I think will free women from some self-torture in their lives and its the acronym VERB

V= Victimization
E= Entitlement
R= Rescue
B= Blaming

    One important thing to know is there has never been a happy victim. We can choose to wallow or get stuck in the heartaches of life and yes, even the tragedies of life or we can find a way to transcend these rough and tumble times and channel it into something that brings meaning to our life or even better, into the lives of others. A person may be victimized, which happens and is woefully unfair, but choosing not to adopt a lifestyle of victim is a step in reclaiming life back. It is a return to thriving in life instead of just surviving life.

    To live a happy life, we need to check our feelings/beliefs of entitlement at the door. Entitlement believes the world owes me/you something. None of us are the center of the universe and thinking so leads to us sitting around being miserable when what we hoped for doesn't come our way. Entitlement is a stunting, passive approach to life. A fulfilling life and happy life has goals and working to accomplish those goals understanding it is the hard work that makes them become reality. When our dreams and goals rely mainly on another person showing you favor or waiting for lucky breaks to happen for you, will lead to feelings of being let down. Expecting others to hand you your dreams and desires just because its you, will lead to unhappiness when they don't.

    When we were children, all of the fairytales we read or our parents read to us had a hero. The stories were exciting and we waited for the hero to show up and make everything alright. Many of us are still waiting on heros in our own lives. Rescue is waiting for somebody or something to save you, putting the responsibility onto the shoulders of someone else. You have to rescue yourself from that horrible job or not finding the right mate. You need to make the changes in your own life which you know will make you happy instead of waiting to be rescued. Waiting, looking longingly for your rescuer who is taking forever to come and save you from the life you have makes you more unhappy each day they still have not shown up.

    Finally, blame unloads a sense of responsibility on someone else. Once a person gets stuck in the go no where thinking of my problems and my unhappiness, is caused by or due to someone elses actions or lack of actions. Of course there are actions people may do or not do that do cause problems or unhappiness in your life, but you can not remain indefinitely a blame cycle. Decisions and actions to be in control of your life to your fullest ability, will help you to not get stuck in the blame game which does not lend a person to self-reflection and positive changes. Blaming distracts a person form living and achieving because they become sidetracked into bitterness and sometines revenge where VERB has taken up residence within.

    In the context of revenge, you become the victim of your own misery, you feel entitled to something better, you are waiting for someone to rescue you. and you can't wait to lay blame on the person who put you in that position in the first place. Chapter 5, pages 93-96.

    Happy women have to know many things, but the good point is-they are a few simple things. One thing is how to react to people and situations in life. You have to decide whether your response is going to always go to anger or frustration. There are so many things you can become angry about in any given day. The next thing you know, you are an angry person. A person gets to decide their response to setbacks or events they find difficult or unfair. 

    Don't let life build you into an angry bitter person. You can have the feeling without being led by it. You don't have to voice every angry feeling you have. Adjust yourself not to be in the situation by changing you. If you have a friend or familiy member who always says something to make you mad, well, don't hang around that person or accept they will be offensive, and you won't react. Just move the conversation along to something else. It is your choice leading to your own unhappiness deciding to continue to engage someone who always angers you. You are making your ownself unhappy. 

    Dumb people irritate you? Well, why are they in your circle? And if you must be around dumb people, you should be compassionate and realize they are unable to do better. Why are you, the smart person, not behaving like a smart person recognizing limitations in others. Your expectations, even demand for a person to be smart is like asking a rock to give water. Who is the dumb person?

    Make right choices for you regardless of what others are doing without having to declare it. Move in your peace and competence. You get to choose your reactions. A peaceful person acts peaceful no matter what is happing around them. Being a peaceful person does not mean being a doormat. You make choices that bring you peace not trying to change the other person which you can't and it's not your job. Anger is not needed to make choices. Everyone has the right to be who they are whether it upsets you or not. You have the choice of your response to them and always being angry doesn't fix anything. 

    I think this is a wonderful book and surprise surprise; it is not a male bashing book. It is a book more focused on how much of your energy are you going to expend on things and people that does not make you happy.

    I learned how to quilt, bake, can fruits, and other things because it was what all of the other women around me did and seemed happy doing. I hated quilting and baking and all of the other things that were supposed to define me as a woman and I went through the VERB dance feeling like a victim, I was entitled to a better life that did not include sewing and sweating in a hot kitchen. I wanted my husband to rescue me and say 'oh, honey, I think you are just as much of a woman even if you can't do all of those things'. I blamed  myself for living in the community that encouraged traditional sex roles even though I actually loved and felt safe in raising my children in the community. Was I happy? Not in the least. Could I have been happy? Absolutely. What I needed to do was just stop doing the things I didn't like doing and continue doing what I enjoyed. When I decided traditional sex roles were not for me - nothing happened. My husband and children were fine whether I baked or not and when a blanket for a bed was needed, we just bought one. 

    Happy women understand the importance of having personal power, which means their lives belong to them. I had no one holding a gun to my head telling me to quilt or can fruit. And I learned I had many more qualities that fulfilled my definition of what a woman was/is, and it is a very satisfying list to/for me. 

    Don't let life make you bitter. Choose how you move in this world regardless of what's happening outside of you. You are the one who feeds your HAPPY. You are the one who removes what you can't tolerate in your life or accept it without complaint. Nothing or no one is perfect. Sometimes our expectations are unrealistic and need to be changed. Our expectations disappoint us more than people do.

    So, happy birthday Oprah and many more to come. Thank you for encouraging us to read and grow in every way possible.