Are We Really Sisters and Brothers In Christ?

In a supposedly Christian nation, America, does it matter how we treat each other? The current atmosphere is filled with division of every level, man against woman, brown against white, left against right, etc. But is this the way it is supposed to be for CHRISTIANS?

Ask people the question, "What is most important to you?" and one of the answers you will definitely get is the answer: FAMILY. Family is a source of unconditional love, safety, and security. Friends come and go but family is forever. Because the family unit is so important, The Christian Bible uses it to help the Christian understand how they are to treat and interact with others. The Bible uses the relationship of SISTER and BROTHER in particular to instruct how Christians should treat other Christians. Take a moment and think about your relationship with your own sister or brother. How do you treat your own sibling?

The Bible includes several verses about being brothers and sisters in Christ, including John 13:34-35, Matthew 12:48-50, and Hebrews 10:19. These verses describe how Christians should love one another and work together for the common good. Hebrews 10:19 "And now we are brothers and sisters in God's family because of the blood of Jesus. 1 John 4:21 "The one who loves God must also love his brother and sister, in both word and deed." Being a brother or sister in Christ means being part of God's family and sharing in Christ's love.

"For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother” (Matthew 12:48-50). God calls us to be brothers and sisters in Christ, by loving each other as we love ourselves and working together to do good works unto the community around us and to work together to make disciples for Him. Right now, Republicans are only loving Republicans (Democrats only Democrats), each ethnic group their own selves, Christians only Christians. You get the picture, and it is an unbiblical picture.

American history includes Christian history. A history many desire not to be taught in schools and universities. From the start, Christians sought to convert everyone they came into contact with to Christianity. In early American history this included the Native American and the Black slaves. Christian Europeans saw converting native peoples as essential to "saving" them. A running theme in the conversion of slaves also. In Pennsylvania, many religious groups - particularly Protestant denominations imported from England, Scotland, and Germany - sought to Christianize natives.

In the early American Christian's zeal to spread the gospel and win souls to Christ, a PROBLEM arose. If the Native American or slave became a CHRISTIAN, then they were biblically SISTERS and BROTHERS in Christ and afforded a CERTAIN kind of LOVE and TREATMENT! This was a problem on so many levels for the early American Christian. What ever would they do?

Interactions between enslaved people and Christian missionaries (and other evangelists) led to the spread of Christianity among Black Americans. Many slaveowners initially resisted these evangelistic efforts partially out of concern that if enslaved people became Christians, they would see themselves as their owners’ equals. By 1706, this fear by slaveowners had spurred legislation in at least six colonies declaring that an enslaved person’s baptism did not entail their freedom. Yep! A LAW was made AGAINST the Christian Bible.

YES! Early American Christians IGNORED the Bible's admonition to treat their FELLOW Christian as a sister or brother. They went beyond just ignoring the mandate to treat their fellow Christian with unconditional love and were downright EVIL to them. Are Christians ignoring the same Bible mandate now in how they treat illegal aliens, the poor, or people of different cultural backgrounds? Christian CRUELTY is a part of Christian History.

From the time Europeans arrived on American shores, the frontier—the edge territory between white man’s civilization and the untamed natural world—became a shared space of vast, clashing differences that led the U.S. government to authorize over 1,500 wars, attacks and raids on Indians, the most of any country in the world against its Indigenous people. By the close of the Indian Wars in the late 19th century, fewer than 238,000 Indigenous people remained, a sharp decline from the estimated 5 million to 15 million living in North America when Columbus arrived in 1492. https://www.history.com/news/native-americans-genocide-united-states. 

Early colonists saw the spread of disease, such as smallpox brought to the new land by the settlers, among Native Americans as God’s plan for them to settle the area or as God’s wrath for the sinful life of Native Americans. Native Americans’ susceptibility to disease was also used against them. The Cherokee, Creek, Choctaw, Chickasaw, and Seminole nations were known as America’s Five Civilized Tribes because of their quick and skillful adaptation to the “white man’s ways.” The U.S. government felt threatened by these tribes and saw them as a barrier to expansion. The Indian Removal Act was signed into law by President Andrew Jackson in 1830. But the Act was far from humane and merciful. Thousands of Native Americans would perish on the journey west, known as the Trail of Tears. The Choctaw was the first nation expelled from their land in 1831. They made the journey on foot, some bound in chains, without food, supplies, or the help promised by the government. Thousands perished along the way.

Slaves in the United States were often subjected to sexual abuse and rape, the denial of education, and punishments like whippings. Families were often split up by the sale of one or more members, usually never to see or hear of each other again. Slaves were often branded or cruelly mistreated. Their owners could also kill them for any reason and would face no punishment.

The Bible and Christianity were used by those in power or seeking power to do harm to others, keep them in their place, or to make them a lesser person. When needed, certain parts of the Bible were just ignored. 

According to the 2023 PRRI Census of American Religion, about two-thirds of Americans (66%) identify as Christian. This includes 41% who identify as white Christians and 25% who identify as Christians of color. This should be a country overflowing with Sisterly and brotherly LOVE. But it isn't.

American and Religious History has shown us how we are willing to treat each other. While proclaiming Christ we are not living Christlike, as a family that loves one another as we love ourselves. Being a Christian is more than voting for a particular candidate, party, or biblical cause, it's about how we treat each other. To my knowledge the Golden Rule is still in effect for ALL Christians, "Treat others the way you want to be treated," which includes fellow and non-fellow Christians.

So, I end with the question I first posed, "Are we really sisters and brothers in Christ?"

The LOVE of Roses

So, you made it through Mother's Day I am assuming. You did your due diligence and picked mom a special gift which made her smile. WHAT A WONDERFUL CHILD YOU ARE.

No one was smiling more than florists filling thousands of bouquet orders of flowers on Mother's Day. And the number one flower people wanted to give mom was the ROSE. Roses are not just the go-to flower to give to your mother, it is the go-to flower for most gift giving to a loved one or person of interest. The rose spans many occasions of celebration. Oh, by the way, Kenya is smiling too. Commercial rose growing in Kenya goes back decades. The country is famous for its vibrantly colored blooms. Rich soil and an abundance of sunlight give Kenya’s roses their natural, distinctive hues. 

The flower which represents love has been loved for centuries. Napoleon wife Josephine Bonaparte loved roses. Between 1804 and 1814 Empress Josephine built her rose collection. It was to become the greatest and largest rose collection in the world, unsurpassed until the creation of Sangerhausen in Germany and L’Hay outside Paris, one century later. The collection was made up of about 250 species and varieties. By 1830 some 2500 different rose varieties would be available to Parisian rose lovers, all influenced by Josephine’s zeal for rose collecting. It was also the first time that anyone had had thought to create a garden with only one type of plant.   

I am a Master Gardener, and my great love is the rose. At last count I have 165 roses (not species). That is actually a small number of roses for a rose enthusiast. I am slowly becoming comfortable calling myself a Rosarian. I am a member of several Rose Lovers Facebook groups. I love roses and I am not alone. 

People love roses for their beauty, symbolism, cultural significance, exclusivity, and association with special occasions. Roses have been around for over 35 million years and are a staple in the wedding world. Red roses are associated with love, passion, and longing, and have been used in romantic gestures and rituals since ancient times.

People have been giving roses to each other since the 17th century as a way to express love. Roses are the favorite flower of Venus, the Greek goddess of love, and are often used to represent strong emotions. The Victorians also used bouquets of flowers to communicate feelings through a messaging system called "floriography," and roses became a symbol of romantic affection.

Various religions have long used roses as symbols of religious belief. In ancient Greece, the rose was a symbol of Aphrodite. It was also part of the Egyptian myth of Isis. More modern religions still use the rose symbolically. The rose is a repeated leitmotif of Judaism that symbolizes both Israel and royalty. Jewish people are also compared with roses in the Bible. After the rise of Christianity, the rose became heavily linked with the image of the Virgin Mary. Some Catholic sects place crowns made of roses on statues of the Virgin Mary during different religious holidays. Islam also incorporates these flowers into its symbology.

Whether you realized it or not, the color of rose you chose to buy and give to your loved one has meaning. Roses are filled with meaning and superstition. Me personally, have made it a point when I was in the dating arena to tell men who showed interest in me that I preferred NOT to be gifted roses. For me, receiving roses was an intimate thing and I wanted to steer clear of possibly sending the wrong signal to a man whom I had not yet declared MY love to. Plus, I wanted him to be a little more thoughtful about the flowers he bought me as a gift. Roses were such an easy go to. Roses did all of the work for him. 

Let's look at what the color of roses means first.

For example, blue roses symbolize mystery. This is not a naturally occurring color for roses but rose growers remain on a quest to create a true blue rose. There are several roses named as a blue rose such as the rose named Blue Girl, Blue Moon rose, Blue Nile, Carding Mill rose, Rainy Blue, Rhapsody in Blue, Suntory Blue Rose Applause, and Shocking Blue. Yellow roses are ideal to give away to friends.  In the past, the yellow rose was associated with jealousy or infidelity. Yellow roses used to stand for unfaithfulness, so giving a bouquet of yellow roses to your romantic partner would lead to fights and eventual break up. Nowadays, we see this rose as meaning strength, friendship and cherishing. 

Orange roses are for joy. Green roses represent strength and fertility. Oddly, there are several true green roses: Green Tea, Mayra’s Green, Jade, Super Green, Lemonade. I don't like green roses. Leaves are green. Why would I want a flower bloom to be green?

The symbolism of the elegant white rose is trust, innocence, purity, loyalty, respect, and also a fitting gift for a fresh start or a farewell. The white rose is also a symbol of remembrance. The white rose is very popular in the bridal bouquet and also suits farewell and memories. In addition, a bouquet of white roses is perfect for new business customers, for a housewarming party or of course the beginning of a new love.

Red roses are known worldwide as the symbol of love and romance. With red roses, you really give a feeling or emotion to someone else. So red roses are ideal to give to your partner on, for example, a wedding day, Valentine's Day or other special occasion. The rose has many options for giving red roses to someone. So, you have bouquets of 100 red roses for a very impressive gift, but you can also order your number of roses in a bouquet of, say, 33 red roses, for a birthday or wedding anniversary.

The message that the purple rose wants to send out is 'Love at first sight'. So, it's not that only red roses do well on Valentine's Day, also purple roses fit perfectly with the feeling of enchantment and desire.

Pink roses also have multiple meanings. For instance, you can use these roses if you are grateful to someone for something and they want to show their gratitude with these roses. Furthermore, pink roses also represent desire and are for thanksgiving. 

Now for a few superstitions regarding flowers in general and gifting them. Hopefully, you didn't break any superstitions on Mother's Day or at any other time when gifting flowers.

• Red and white: Some say that sending a combination of red and white flowers to someone who is sick can bring misfortune or even death.
• Odd numbers: Some say that giving someone an odd number of flowers is lucky, while even numbers are for the dead and may bring bad luck.
• White carnations: In Russia, white carnations are said to take away talent and good luck.
• Withered flowers: Some say that flowers that fade in the house bring good news, so you should keep them for a few days.
• Before a performance: Some say that it is bad luck to give flowers to someone before they go out to perform on stage, and instead you should wait until after.

It is said that roses are planted near someone’s grave to protect their soul from evil spirits. 

Seeing a white rose bloom in autumn signifies an early marriage. 

Throwing rose leaves into a fire is said to bring good luck.

Where roses are concerned, different cultures have different beliefs about giving roses. Most people view a rose as innocent and just a very pretty flower. In certain countries, you can run into awkward situations if you are not up on you understanding of roses.

In America, more often than any other flower, we hold the rose dear as the symbol of life and love and devotion, of beauty and eternity. For the love of man and woman, for the love of mankind and God, for the love of country, Americans who would speak the language of the heart do so with a rose. We see proofs of this everywhere.

In Hungary, roses are actually a popular funeral flower. While they still retain the classic rose symbolism of love and even romance in that context, they tend to represent one’s undying love for a lost friend, spouse, or relative – so they may not be the most appropriate gift for a first date in Budapest.

Roses are also funeral flowers in Mexico, but here it’s a matter of choosing the color carefully. Yellow roses symbolize death in traditional Mexican culture, so it’s not a good idea to show up for a date or a fiesta with a yellow bouquet. This is just one of many rules of thumb for giving roses in Mexico. If you’re giving red roses in Mexico, you’d better be serious! These beauties are loaded with meaning – two, in fact. In terms of romance, they profess grand, undying love. They also stir up superstitions of magic and spell casting. Purple roses symbolize witchcraft and casting spells too, so there are plenty of ways to infuse rose-giving with some high drama.

South Koreans take rose-giving in a different direction by making these lovely blooms a coming-of-age symbol. Every May, on Coming-of-Age Day, South Koreans have a giant party celebrating all the young people turning 20 that year, at which the birthday boys and girls (men and women?) exchange gifts, including bouquets of roses – typically red.

The Finnish have also adopted the rose as a symbol of appreciation between friends. In fact, every February 14, the Finnish swap the traditional Valentine’s Day for the more inclusive Friend’s Day, a custom that started in the 1980s and hasn’t gone anywhere since. In that spirit, the Finnish celebrate Friend’s Day by exchanging cards, candy, and pink roses.

In Catalonia, Saint George Day is celebrated with roses. Legend has it that St. George, your typical knight in shining armor, saved both a town and a princess by slaying a dragon who’d taken up residence nearby. When the dragon fell, roses sprang up from where its blood had spilled – and now every April 23, Catalonians give each other red roses to symbolize St. George’s valiance and sacrifice.

Cut flowers are traditionally for funerals in China. In this case, both yellow and white roses represent death. White, furthermore, symbolizes bad luck. Numbers are highly symbolic in Chinese culture, and influence flower-giving in many ways. The number 14, for example, means imminent death, so a bouquet of 14 roses would not be well received. But recently a modern-day fairy tale and a magical number gave red roses renewed significance in Chinese romantic culture.

Taiwan’s Valentine’s Day rose traditions take that symbolism to the next level. When V Day rolls around, rose bouquets are bought in specific numbers to send particular messages to crushes and loved ones. A single rose symbolizes one-and-only love. 11 roses are given to a “special someone.” 99 roses are given to someone you’ll love for eternity. 108 roses = “Will you marry me?”

 I know my love affair with roses will only deepen as time marches on. It would be difficult for me to say which color of rose is my favorite. I just love roses. Now that I am married, I enjoy receiving roses and my husband doesn't have to be concerned about the color he chooses. But for the rose gift giver, taking the time to understand the meaning behind the flower and color of the flower can score you big points or lead to big misunderstandings.

The Honeymoon Is Over!

In a new relationship or newly married? Then you are in what people call the "honeymoon phase."

The honeymoon phase is the early stage of a relationship when couples experience intense feelings of love, passion, and excitement. It's characterized by a heightened sense of closeness, infatuation, and carefree happiness. During the honeymoon phase, you might:

• Feel like you want to be with your partner all the time.
• Miss your partner as soon as they leave.
• Feel hopeful about your future together.
• Learn more about each other's personalities.
• Explore your intimacy.
• Have a lot of fun together.

The honeymoon phase can last anywhere from six months to several years. Some couples don't have a honeymoon phase, or their honeymoon phase may be drawn out over time. The honeymoon phase will fade with time, but love should grow with time. The honeymoon phase is exciting because it's too soon to know your partner's full personality, with all its positives and negatives. However, you'll naturally transition out of the honeymoon phase when the realities of life start to creep in, and hard conversations start to bubble to the surface.

We all love the honeymoon phase of relationships when we don't quite realize our chosen one is a flawed, annoying human with red flags blowing in the wind. This made me wonder what the opposite of a honeymoon phase is called. My first thought was the "murder phase" because once you begin noticing how irritating and infuriating you 'loved one' is, the more you feel like murdering them. But the term 'murder phase' does not lead one to believe there was any love at all so that term may be too extreme. But none-the-less, we eventually enter you're on my last nerve, I can't stand you phase if we remain in long-term relationships.

Relationship experts say the prime number years of relationships are often the hardest, such as 1, 3, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, and 29. These years often correspond with significant transitions and pressure points in marriage.

The stages of a relationship have been divided for your easy consumption:

HONEYMOON = Start to 1 year.  You're connecting with someone you find exciting and who finds you exciting. You're eager to learn about them, can't get enough of them, and have all of those passionate feelings that make dating so thrilling. There is so much anticipation, curiosity, nervousness, and wonder.

BACK-TO-REALITY = 1-2 years. This is where things get real in a different way; you'll likely approach topics that are uncomfortable, you'll probably meet each other's friends and/or family, and you might realize some things about each other that possibly annoy you or deserve a conversation.

DECISION MAKING = 2-3 years. Everything is out, exposed, and on the table in this stage of a relationship. You probably know each other's traumas, hang-ups, weaknesses, communication struggles, and most profound needs and fears. It's all out there: You are fully emotionally in the nude. This can be a complicated phase if the relationship feels like it isn't going to work out; it can feel even more painful to lose someone after they have experienced you in all your forms and you've experienced them in all of theirs.

SETTLING DOWN = 3 + years. This part is refreshing because you feel known and have the privilege of truly knowing your partner — it's beautiful and sweet while also being relatively predictable, in a comforting way. The relationship has likely developed its own language for navigating the world together. Of course, this time period won't always be sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, but it will likely be easier to navigate uncomfortable conversations, situations, and shortcomings because of the years of practiced communication.

These phases or stages are PRE-MARRIAGE, before the murder stage I alluded to. Divorce lawyers, psychologists, and researchers have slotted years of marriage into periods and have rated them based on their risk of divorce:

• Years 1–2: Very Risky.
• Years 3–4: Mild Risk.
• Years 5–8: Very Risky.
• Years 9–15: Low Risk.
• Years 15 and over: Low to Mild Risk.

We all have heard of the seven-year-itch. The seven-year itch, as it’s called, is a term that describe feelings of being restless or dissatisfied in a relationship — typically at that seven-year mark. In 1955, Marilyn Monroe starred in a film called The Seven Year Itch, in which a married man becomes so infatuated with her that he starts planning to cheat on his wife. The man has been reading a psychiatrist’s manuscript, which claims that all men cheat in their seventh year of marriage — which is exactly how long he’s been married. While research outcomes vary somewhat, the percentage of divorces, particularly in first-time marriages, tends to spike around the seven- or eight-year mark.

Of course, by the seven-year mark, partners are well past the honeymoon phase — and issues may have begun to arise. “With added time, marital struggles can include issues like poor communication and listening skills, a lack of empathy, and partners having unrealistic expectations of one another,” Dr. Borland explains. The seventh year of marriage may have symptoms of the 'itch' which includes:

A lack of physical and/or emotional intimacy.

Poor communication

Increased conflict, including arguing, hurtful words or criticism.

Keeping secrets from your partner.

Not spending much or meaningful time together.

Taking one another for granted and/or feeling unappreciated.

A lack of trust.

Fantasizing about infidelity

There may be some truth to the seven-year-itch because when marriages end, usually some time has passed since the wedding. In fact, the average length of a marriage prior to divorce is eight years. Some of the most common reasons for divorce include disagreements over money, infidelity, lack of communication, passive aggressive behavior and more. Other reasons for divorce include longer life expectancy, which may compel older couples to divorce, or the mental and emotional strain that comes with having young children. 

If you make it past year eight, then comes year ten.

“After a decade together, turning into roommates becomes a big risk as partners can slowly over the years take their focus off of each other and give all of their attention to dealing with day-to-day life,” Kurt Smith, a therapist who specializes in counseling men, told HuffPost. “Couples can easily turn into partners in managing a family or life, rather than partners in love.”

Partners can become bored with each other.  Boredom in a marriage is usually a sign that you and your partner have started taking each other ― and the relationship ― for granted, said psychotherapist, Tina Tessina.

Your sex life may fade. A couple's sex life may ebb and flow over the years for any number of reasons: physical or mental health issues, having kids, side effects of certain medications, stress, relationship problems, and sleep issues, among many others. Sex therapists say those dips are totally normal. But if you’re not committed to getting back on track, the sexual dry spells can end up lasting longer and longer, leaving one or both partners feeling rejected and disconnected.

“Many couples sacrifice their dreams in order to maintain stability when initially building a relationship and family,” couples therapist Kari Carroll said. “But by 10 years, they are realizing that life is calling, and they must negotiate how to help both themselves and their partner achieve greater fulfillment.”

“Early on in marriage, we can have a great amount of graciousness with each other as our love for each other makes up for all shortcomings or failures,” Smith said. “Sadly, as a marriage matures, the patience can fade.”

Early on in a relationship, you’ll find any excuse to celebrate: your eight-month anniversary, making it through a tough week of work or National Margarita Day. But as time goes on, those celebrations may become less and less frequent.

There seems like there are several reasons for a marriage, once out of the honeymoon phase, to enter Death Valley. But people have had long lasting marriages. HOW!!

This is what people who have been married for over 25 years have to say:

KEEP THE PEACE. Try not to fight like high schoolers—don’t play games, give the silent treatment, argue over the same things over and over, or bring up past issues in every subsequent fight.

KEEP GROWING. Expect and accept change. No one remains stagnant for twenty-five years, nor should they. You may sometimes feel like you’re with someone different than the person you married long ago. But if basic values, ethics, and morals are the foundation of a person’s character, growth can add to marital satisfaction instead of taking away from it.

STAY FLEXIBLE. Roll with the punches. As this past year has shown, you have to keep reinventing your relationship to withstand what has been thrown at you. Never consider yourself too old to switch up ‘roles’ within the marriage—if you change things up, you’ll have a fresh window into your partner’s life.

SHOW YOUR LOVE. It’s important to do little things on a regular basis to show your love.

DON'T KEEP SCORE. Don’t keep score or rate who does more. A good partner knows when to step in, when to take over and when to encourage you to keep moving forward—not get caught up in keeping tabs. 

KEEP LAUGHING. 

DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. Remember it’s a marathon, not a sprint, so pace yourself and pick your battles carefully. It’s easy to argue about the silliest of things but does it really matter how the dishwasher gets loaded or the car gets packed before going on a road trip? You come to realize it’s crazy to ruin an evening together or a trip away over stuff like this.

KEEP IT A PARTNERSHIP.

FINISH THE FIGHT. Never go to bed mad at each other—end a fight then and there so nothing carries over into the next day. And don’t lose sight that every couple fights, it’s about how well you move on and process things that matters.

SUPPOERT EACH OTHER'S INTERESTS. Having separate interests is key to a happy marriage. 

REMAIN FRIENDS. For a marriage to be successful, both husband and wife need to view themselves as partners—you are no longer just yourself, you have another half to constantly consider.

ACKNOWLEDGE WHO YOU ARE MARRYING. Be sure you’re marrying your friend. You need to really, really, really like the person you are marrying just the way they are as there’s no changing someone after the fact.

KEEP THE NORTH STAR IN SIGHT. Be determined to see it through—divorce is never an option. Be willing to follow the journey.

Those married people put in a lot of work!! One BIG reason they probably made it to 25 years of marriage and beyond, is they never called or entertained that their marriage was in a 'murder phase." All of the work they put into each other, and marriage was for it to LIVE, not DIE. 

Whether the seven-year-itch is real or not, an itch is just that, an itch. Itches go away even without scratching. Marriages can go well beyond the honeymoon phase with thought and effort. Prime numbers be damned! You picked each other for a reason. They were your ONE. Surely, those 15 annoying things they do, do not outweigh the fact that they chose you and you chose them.

Lust/Love and Social Media

Tina Turner had a song which asked, "What's love gotta do with it?"

You must understand, though the touch of your hand
Makes my pulse react
That it's only the thrill of boy meeting girl
Opposites attract

It's physical
Only logical
You must try to ignore that it means more than that

Oh-oh, what's love got to do, got to do with it?
What's love but a second-hand emotion?
What's love got to do, got to do with it?
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?

Seems like Tina was on to something. She tried to clue us in to the FACT that what a person is calling LOVE at first sight is no more than ATTRACTION and/or LUST. Dating people rarely make it to the true LOVE stage. Let's talk.

Even though many of us don’t want to admit it, good looks are the strongest factor influencing attraction. That’s according to Madeleine A. Fugère, Ph.D., a psychology professor at Eastern Connecticut State University and author of The Social Psychology of Attraction and Romantic Relationships. Cultural and family norms can have a big impact on the types of people we might choose to pursue or not pursue as potential romantic partners also.

Mating market preferences and decisions regarding attractiveness are arguably based on three core areas: appearances (aesthetics), personal characteristics and qualities (personality), and the ability to provide (resource) access and security to potential suitors.

Social media allows the modern man (and women) to be a hunter. Not a hunter of animals, but a hunter of women (men).

Hunting is viewed as status or competition among men and within their community. Hunting for men, more rarely for women, is fascinating and emotionally arousing with the parallel release of testosterone, serotonin, and endorphins, which can produce feelings of euphoria and alleviate pain. Dopamine is also a chemical released by the brain and is usually described as a “reward chemical”, whose evolutionary function is to give us an emotional hit when engaged in activities that are likely to improve our reproductive success such as hunting. For centuries, a man being a successful hunter elevated his status among the other men and increased his potential for mating with the females. 

According to a team of scientists led by Dr. Helen Fisher at Rutgers, romantic love can be broken down into three catagories: lust, attraction, and attachment. Each category is characterized by its own set of hormones stemming from the brain. Lust is driven by the desire for sexual gratification. The hypothalamus of the brain plays a big role in this, stimulating the production of the sex hormones, testosterone and estrogen, from the testes and ovaries. Testosterone increases libido in just about everyone. 

Attraction involves the brain pathways that control “reward” behavior, which partly explains why the first few weeks or months of a relationship can be so exhilarating and even all-consuming. This is that on cloud nine stage of dating.

Dopamine, produced by the hypothalamus, is a particularly well-publicized player in the brain’s reward pathway – it’s released when we do things that feel good to us. In this case, these things include spending time with loved ones and having sex. High levels of dopamine and a related hormone, norepinephrine, are released during attraction. These chemicals make us giddy, energetic, and euphoric, feelings even leading to decreased appetite and insomnia – which means you actually can be so “in love” that you can’t eat and can’t sleep. 

Many people in the dating scene ONLY want the lust and attraction stage of relationships. When the 'feel good' chemicals no longer give them their cloud nine feeling, they believe the love is gone when the relationship never entered the love stage. The lust and attraction hormones are the most powerful 'street' drugs making short-term relationship addicts out of the everyday person.

Brain scans of people 'in love' have actually shown that the primary “reward” centers of the brain, including the ventral tegmental area and the caudate nucleus, fire like crazy when people are shown a photo of someone they are intensely attracted to, compared to when they are shown someone they feel neutral towards (like an old high school acquaintance). The same brain regions light up when we become addicted to material goods as when we become emotionally dependent on our partners. And addicts going into withdrawal are not unlike love-struck people craving the company of someone they cannot see.

When looking at attachment oxytocin is often nicknamed the “cuddle hormone” for this reason. Like dopamine, oxytocin is produced by the hypothalamus and released in large quantities during sex. Cuddling can lead to attachment. Attatchment can lead to long-term relationships. [1] Men figured out a long time ago that cuddling after sex means you are in a relationship. Think back to people you were with sexually and whether or not they enjoyed cuddling with you. 

Social media is over stimulating attraction, lust, and the hunter-conqueror aspect of men with quick, easy access to beautiful women around the world of different ethnicities and cultures. I emphasize beautiful women because its scientific fact men are more sexually aroused by visual stimuli (photos), but women are more sexually aroused by concrete, auditory, olfactory, touch and emotionally relevant sexual stimulation. The internet is a crack dealer offering a wide selection of men and women to get HIGH on daily.

The mating game has always been a game about dipping into a healthy gene pool. Science continues to tell us men and women want to have a mate who is healthy.

Physical characteristics (e.g., narrow waist, long legs, and medium–large breasts) play an important role in determining attractiveness and selecting a potential mate for men. According to research, men prefer women with long, thick, and shiny hair. Turns out, they subconsciously consider this an indicator of good health, vital energy, and even a sign of fertility.

Studies have shown that pheromones reveal a variety of information about a person, including the one that relates to the health of their immune system. Therefore, men are able to determine women with the best immune system with the help of their smell. Wonder if that is why we wear so much perfume and cologne?

When we first look at a person, we are taking in more information than we realize. The symmetry of the face has a high importance in determining the attractiveness of women. It can even be calculated with the help of several tricks. Men pay attention to these criteria subconsciously because these facial features are a sign of good genes. Asymmetry, on the contrary, is associated with poor health, bad genes, and even abnormalities in the reproductive organs. The condition of women’s teeth plays a significant role for the representatives of the male gender. All because it gives an idea of its “residual reproductive value” regardless of age. I knew that you could check a horse's teeth to determine their age, but I never thought about humans doing it.

Studies have shown that men prefer thin female voices because they are perceived as younger and more womanish and show a high level of estrogen. Moreover, a high-pitched voice also assumes a smaller body size, while a low voice is usually more associated with masculinity, which means that women like men who have a deep voice. When hearing it, they subconsciously imagine a big and strong man.

Though women might be known for spending more time in front of the mirror, it’s actually men who are more judgemental when it comes to looks. According to a 2007 study performed in Germany, men placed far greater importance on the attractiveness of their mates than females. Remember, men are hunters and love to bag a trophy. He goes for the big game. 

And while women were still drawn to attractive men, they were more likely to consider dating less attractive individuals if they possessed other qualities they prized. Women choose handsome, tall men for short-term relationships but choose men with status for long-term relationships.

Women with higher BMIs (body mass index) or lower facial attractiveness were less selective in mate selection than their thinner, more attractive counterparts. Furthermore, these women became even less selective when there were more attractive females in the room.[2]  In this case, it was her attractiveness (not his) that influenced her selection. While looks are indeed important to women, they typically base their mate selection on more contextual factors. Surprising examples include the availability of competition and their estimates of their own attractiveness. You are right guys. You can never really know what a woman wants.

Women are not attracted directly to wealth and status, but to the behaviours indicating a man genuinely has wealth and status. 

Women are attracted to men with status and wealth. Women must be able to differentiate between the men who genuinely have wealth and social status, and those who are faking. One way to do this is by developing a heightened sense of social perception and recognizing what a successful man's behaviour looks like compared to the behaviour of an imitator. The behaviours become the primary source of attraction. 

This provides the explanation for why it seems like wealth, status, and height matter so much. If you were suddenly made better looking, a few inches taller, and inherited a billion dollars, would you behave the same way you do now? Of course not! You’d instantly be more confident, more relaxed, happier, less stressed out, and so on.

Women pick up on these behaviours, and it’s these behaviour patterns that are at the core of attraction, not the wealth and status itself. One study has shown that whether a man is considered attractive has more to do with the absence of bad qualities, rather than the presence of good qualities.

My next point I found as a surprise. The best looking thing on a man may be a good-looking woman. Women rate a man they see with an attractive woman as more desireable than an unattatched man. SURPRISE! Women probably assume partnered-up men must have those qualities of smarts and personality to be an appropriate match for a good-looking mate. 

Of course there are hundreds of studies that try to figure out how and why we are attracted to the people we are attracted to. Social media is filled with people giving relationship advice. No matter the findings by professionals and amatuers, no one has found the magic potion to get the person you want to want you back. Those dating in the dating world, with the help of social media, are offered a buffet full of selections. We know a person's appetite can be picky and ever changing. And if diners are like me, they eat their dessert first. 

Even with the ease of having a bigger pool to select a mate from, long-term relationships remain elusive. Drugs mess you up. Lust and attraction are 'drug' induced feelings. Addiction to the feel good feelings can make you a serial dater. "Love" addicts fall in and out of love and wonder why they can not find the 'one.' The truth is the 'one' will be boring after the lust and attraction drugs die down or when you build up a tolerence to them. The person then has to decide once the butterflies and fireworks die down, do they still want to be with the person. Most people move on to the next bigger better high. I say it again, social media is a drug dealer.

So, you get no dating advice from me. I will just say good luck and good hunting.

Tips given to make a person more attractive.

1.    Women smile more. Smiling makes women look friendly and “sexually receptive.” The same doesn’t hold true for men. People typically associate expressions of happiness with femininity.

2.    Women, wear the color red. This red-attractiveness link is partially explained by men’s perceptions of implied sexual receptivity among women wearing reddish garb. Studies have shown women tend to wear red and pink when they are biologically more sexually receptive, like during ovulation. Can anyone say Barbie? If you want attention from the ladies, a man's best bet is to stick to red, purple, black, blue, or white (but only white if it's in the form of a plain white t-shirt with jeans). 

3.    Don't play hard to get. Recent studies suggest that people are more likely to rate others as attractive if they can easily understand the emotions they’re displaying. 

4.    A higher-pitched voice in women is more attractive to men—and vice versa, a lower-pitched voice in men is more attractive to women. 

5.    A sense of humor in a man has been scientifically proven to draw the attention of women. Men also find women who laugh at their humor attractive.

6.    Be kind. The ‘halo effect’ suggests that those who are perceived as physically attractive are also perceived as having socially favorable personality traits like kindness.

7.    The most attractive physical features fall under ‘self-care’—things like good grooming, clean hair, nice fitting and quality clothing, good posture, and healthy weight. We are more likely to search out a partner who is healthy and strong (which mean good genes), as well as capable of taking care of future offspring, which is evidenced by how they take care of themselves. 

8.    Don't stress. Women seem to be able to detect the men who have the strongest immune response and they seem to find them the most attractive. The researchers suspect that testosterone, which is linked with a strong immune system and low cortisol, also plays a role in attracting women.

9.    Faces with natural makeup were seen favorably but faces with more dramatic makeup were seen as less trustworthy. On social media, men seem to DM women with great bodies and makeup skills, but they don't trust them. Men should grow facial hair, especially a beard because it makes him seem more masculine.

Excerpts taken from my manuscript, Manhood Interrupted Please like, share, comment, and follow. Thank you   

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[1] Wu, Katherine, Love, Actually: The science behind lust, attraction, and companionship, 02/17/2017. www.Love, Actually: The science behind lust, attraction, and companionship - Science in the News (harvard.edu).