Tina Turner had a song which asked, "What's love gotta do with it?"You must understand, though the touch of your hand
Makes my pulse react
That it's only the thrill of boy meeting girl
Opposites attract
It's physical
Only logical
You must try to ignore that it means more than that
Oh-oh, what's love got to do, got to do with it?
What's love but a second-hand emotion?
What's love got to do, got to do with it?
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?
Seems like Tina was on to something. She tried to clue us in to the FACT that what a person is calling LOVE at first sight is no more than ATTRACTION and/or LUST. Dating people rarely make it to the true LOVE stage. Let's talk.
Even though many of us don’t want to admit it, good looks are the strongest factor influencing attraction. That’s according to Madeleine A. Fugère, Ph.D., a psychology professor at Eastern Connecticut State University and author of The Social Psychology of Attraction and Romantic Relationships. Cultural and family norms can have a big impact on the types of people we might choose to pursue or not pursue as potential romantic partners also.
Mating market preferences and decisions regarding attractiveness are arguably based on three core areas: appearances (aesthetics), personal characteristics and qualities (personality), and the ability to provide (resource) access and security to potential suitors.Social media allows the modern man (and women) to be a hunter. Not a hunter of animals, but a hunter of women (men).
Hunting is viewed as
status or competition among men and within their community. Hunting for men, more rarely for women, is
fascinating and emotionally arousing with the parallel release of testosterone,
serotonin, and endorphins, which can produce feelings of euphoria and alleviate
pain. Dopamine is also a chemical released by the brain and is usually described as a “reward chemical”, whose evolutionary function is to give us an emotional hit when engaged in activities that are likely to improve our reproductive success such as hunting. For centuries, a man being a successful hunter elevated his status among the
other men and increased his potential for mating with the females.
According to a team of
scientists led by Dr. Helen Fisher at Rutgers, romantic love can be broken down
into three catagories: lust, attraction, and attachment. Each category is characterized by
its own set of hormones stemming from the brain. Lust is driven by the desire for sexual gratification.
The hypothalamus of the brain plays a big role in this, stimulating the
production of the sex hormones, testosterone and estrogen, from
the testes and ovaries. Testosterone increases libido in just about everyone. Attraction involves the brain pathways that control “reward” behavior, which
partly explains why the first few weeks or months of a relationship can be so
exhilarating and even all-consuming. This is that on cloud nine stage of dating.
Dopamine, produced by the hypothalamus,
is a particularly well-publicized player in the brain’s reward pathway – it’s
released when we do things that feel good to us. In this case, these things
include spending time with loved ones and having sex. High levels of dopamine
and a related hormone, norepinephrine, are released during attraction.
These chemicals make us giddy, energetic, and euphoric, feelings even leading
to decreased appetite and insomnia – which means you actually can be so “in
love” that you can’t eat and can’t sleep.
Many people in the dating scene ONLY want the lust and attraction stage of relationships. When the 'feel good' chemicals no longer give them their cloud nine feeling, they believe the love is gone when the relationship never entered the love stage. The lust and attraction hormones are the most powerful 'street' drugs making short-term relationship addicts out of the everyday person.
Brain scans of people 'in love' have
actually shown that the primary “reward” centers of the brain, including the
ventral tegmental area and the caudate nucleus, fire like crazy when
people are shown a photo of someone they are intensely attracted to, compared
to when they are shown someone they feel neutral towards (like an old high
school acquaintance). The same brain regions light up when we become addicted to
material goods as when we become emotionally dependent on our partners. And
addicts going into withdrawal are not unlike love-struck people craving the
company of someone they cannot see.When looking at
attachment oxytocin
is often nicknamed the “cuddle hormone” for this reason. Like dopamine,
oxytocin is produced by the hypothalamus and released in large quantities
during sex. Cuddling can lead to attachment. Attatchment can lead to long-term relationships. Men figured out a long time ago that cuddling after sex means you are in a relationship. Think back to people you were with sexually and whether or not they enjoyed cuddling with you.
Social media is over stimulating attraction, lust, and the
hunter-conqueror aspect of men with quick, easy access to beautiful women
around the world of different ethnicities and cultures. I emphasize beautiful
women because its scientific fact men are more sexually aroused by visual stimuli (photos), but women are more sexually aroused by concrete, auditory, olfactory, touch and
emotionally relevant sexual stimulation. The internet is a crack dealer offering a wide selection of men and women to get HIGH on daily.
The mating game has always been a game about dipping into a healthy gene pool. Science continues to tell us men and women want to have a mate who is healthy. Physical characteristics (e.g., narrow waist,
long legs, and medium–large breasts) play an important role in determining
attractiveness and selecting a potential mate for men. According to research, men prefer women with
long, thick, and shiny hair. Turns out, they subconsciously consider this
an indicator of good health, vital energy, and even a sign
of fertility.
Studies have shown that pheromones reveal a variety
of information about a person, including the one that relates
to the health of their immune system. Therefore, men are able
to determine women with the best immune system with the help of their
smell. Wonder if that is why we wear so much perfume and cologne?
When we first look at a person, we are taking in more information than we realize. The symmetry of the face has a high
importance in determining the attractiveness of women. It can
even be calculated with the help
of several tricks. Men pay attention to these criteria subconsciously
because these facial features are a sign of good genes. Asymmetry,
on the contrary, is associated with poor health, bad genes, and even
abnormalities in the reproductive organs. The condition of women’s teeth plays a significant
role for the representatives of the male gender. All because it gives
an idea of its “residual reproductive value” regardless of age. I knew that you could check a horse's teeth to determine their age, but I never thought about humans doing it.
Though women might be known for spending more time in front of the mirror, it’s actually men who are more judgemental when it comes to looks. According to a 2007 study performed in Germany, men placed far greater importance on the attractiveness of their mates than females. Remember, men are hunters and love to bag a trophy. He goes for the big game.
And while women were still drawn to attractive men, they were more likely to consider dating less attractive individuals if they possessed other qualities they prized. Women choose handsome, tall men for short-term relationships but choose men with status for long-term relationships.
Women with higher BMIs (body mass index) or lower facial attractiveness were less selective in mate selection than their thinner, more attractive counterparts. Furthermore, these women became even less selective when there were more attractive females in the room. In this case, it was her attractiveness (not his) that influenced her selection. While looks are indeed important to women, they typically base their mate selection on more contextual factors. Surprising examples include the availability of competition and their estimates of their own attractiveness. You are right guys. You can never really know what a woman wants.
Women are not attracted directly to wealth and status, but to the behaviours indicating a man genuinely has wealth and status. Women are attracted to men with status and wealth. Women must be able to differentiate between the men who genuinely have wealth and social status, and those who are faking. One way to do this is by developing a heightened sense of social perception and recognizing what a successful man's behaviour looks like compared to the behaviour of an imitator. The behaviours become the primary source of attraction.
This provides the explanation for why it seems like wealth, status, and height matter so much. If you were suddenly made better looking, a few inches taller, and inherited a billion dollars, would you behave the same way you do now? Of course not! You’d instantly be more confident, more relaxed, happier, less stressed out, and so on.
Women pick up on these behaviours, and it’s these behaviour patterns that are at the core of attraction, not the wealth and status itself. One study has shown that whether a man is considered attractive has more to do with the absence of bad qualities, rather than the presence of good qualities.
My next point I found as a surprise. The best looking thing on a man may be a good-looking woman. Women rate a man they see with an attractive woman as more desireable than an unattatched man. SURPRISE! Women probably assume partnered-up men must have those qualities of smarts and personality to be an appropriate match for a good-looking mate. Of course there are hundreds of studies that try to figure out how and why we are attracted to the people we are attracted to. Social media is filled with people giving relationship advice. No matter the findings by professionals and amatuers, no one has found the magic potion to get the person you want to want you back. Those dating in the dating world, with the help of social media, are offered a buffet full of selections. We know a person's appetite can be picky and ever changing. And if diners are like me, they eat their dessert first.
Even with the ease of having a bigger pool to select a mate from, long-term relationships remain elusive. Drugs mess you up. Lust and attraction are 'drug' induced feelings. Addiction to the feel good feelings can make you a serial dater. "Love" addicts fall in and out of love and wonder why they can not find the 'one.' The truth is the 'one' will be boring after the lust and attraction drugs die down or when you build up a tolerence to them. The person then has to decide once the butterflies and fireworks die down, do they still want to be with the person. Most people move on to the next bigger better high. I say it again, social media is a drug dealer.
So, you get no dating advice from me. I will just say good luck and good hunting.
Tips given to make a person more attractive.
1. Women smile more. Smiling makes women look friendly and “sexually receptive.” The same doesn’t hold true for men. People typically associate expressions of happiness with femininity.
2. Women, wear the color red. This red-attractiveness link is partially explained by men’s perceptions of implied sexual receptivity among women wearing reddish garb. Studies have shown women tend to wear red and pink when they are biologically more sexually receptive, like during ovulation. Can anyone say Barbie? If you want attention from the ladies, a man's best bet is to stick to red, purple, black, blue, or white (but only white if it's in the form of a plain white t-shirt with jeans).
3. Don't play hard to get. Recent studies suggest that people are more likely to rate others as attractive if they can easily understand the emotions they’re displaying.
4. A higher-pitched voice in women is more attractive to men—and vice versa, a lower-pitched voice in men is more attractive to women.
5. A sense of humor in a man has been scientifically proven to draw the attention of women. Men also find women who laugh at their humor attractive.
6. Be kind. The ‘halo effect’ suggests that those who are perceived as physically attractive are also perceived as having socially favorable personality traits like kindness.
7. The most attractive physical features fall under ‘self-care’—things like good grooming, clean hair, nice fitting and quality clothing, good posture, and healthy weight. We are more likely to search out a partner who is healthy and strong (which mean good genes), as well as capable of taking care of future offspring, which is evidenced by how they take care of themselves.
8. Don't stress. Women seem to be able to detect the men who have the strongest immune response and they seem to find them the most attractive. The researchers suspect that testosterone, which is linked with a strong immune system and low cortisol, also plays a role in attracting women.
9. Faces with natural makeup were seen favorably but faces with more dramatic makeup were seen as less trustworthy. On social media, men seem to DM women with great bodies and makeup skills, but they don't trust them. Men should grow facial hair, especially a beard because it makes him seem more masculine.
Excerpts taken from my manuscript, Manhood Interrupted Please like, share, comment, and follow. Thank you
