The Honeymoon Is Over!

In a new relationship or newly married? Then you are in what people call the "honeymoon phase."

The honeymoon phase is the early stage of a relationship when couples experience intense feelings of love, passion, and excitement. It's characterized by a heightened sense of closeness, infatuation, and carefree happiness. During the honeymoon phase, you might:

• Feel like you want to be with your partner all the time.
• Miss your partner as soon as they leave.
• Feel hopeful about your future together.
• Learn more about each other's personalities.
• Explore your intimacy.
• Have a lot of fun together.

The honeymoon phase can last anywhere from six months to several years. Some couples don't have a honeymoon phase, or their honeymoon phase may be drawn out over time. The honeymoon phase will fade with time, but love should grow with time. The honeymoon phase is exciting because it's too soon to know your partner's full personality, with all its positives and negatives. However, you'll naturally transition out of the honeymoon phase when the realities of life start to creep in, and hard conversations start to bubble to the surface.

We all love the honeymoon phase of relationships when we don't quite realize our chosen one is a flawed, annoying human with red flags blowing in the wind. This made me wonder what the opposite of a honeymoon phase is called. My first thought was the "murder phase" because once you begin noticing how irritating and infuriating you 'loved one' is, the more you feel like murdering them. But the term 'murder phase' does not lead one to believe there was any love at all so that term may be too extreme. But none-the-less, we eventually enter you're on my last nerve, I can't stand you phase if we remain in long-term relationships.

Relationship experts say the prime number years of relationships are often the hardest, such as 1, 3, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, and 29. These years often correspond with significant transitions and pressure points in marriage.

The stages of a relationship have been divided for your easy consumption:

HONEYMOON = Start to 1 year.  You're connecting with someone you find exciting and who finds you exciting. You're eager to learn about them, can't get enough of them, and have all of those passionate feelings that make dating so thrilling. There is so much anticipation, curiosity, nervousness, and wonder.

BACK-TO-REALITY = 1-2 years. This is where things get real in a different way; you'll likely approach topics that are uncomfortable, you'll probably meet each other's friends and/or family, and you might realize some things about each other that possibly annoy you or deserve a conversation.

DECISION MAKING = 2-3 years. Everything is out, exposed, and on the table in this stage of a relationship. You probably know each other's traumas, hang-ups, weaknesses, communication struggles, and most profound needs and fears. It's all out there: You are fully emotionally in the nude. This can be a complicated phase if the relationship feels like it isn't going to work out; it can feel even more painful to lose someone after they have experienced you in all your forms and you've experienced them in all of theirs.

SETTLING DOWN = 3 + years. This part is refreshing because you feel known and have the privilege of truly knowing your partner — it's beautiful and sweet while also being relatively predictable, in a comforting way. The relationship has likely developed its own language for navigating the world together. Of course, this time period won't always be sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, but it will likely be easier to navigate uncomfortable conversations, situations, and shortcomings because of the years of practiced communication.

These phases or stages are PRE-MARRIAGE, before the murder stage I alluded to. Divorce lawyers, psychologists, and researchers have slotted years of marriage into periods and have rated them based on their risk of divorce:

• Years 1–2: Very Risky.
• Years 3–4: Mild Risk.
• Years 5–8: Very Risky.
• Years 9–15: Low Risk.
• Years 15 and over: Low to Mild Risk.

We all have heard of the seven-year-itch. The seven-year itch, as it’s called, is a term that describe feelings of being restless or dissatisfied in a relationship — typically at that seven-year mark. In 1955, Marilyn Monroe starred in a film called The Seven Year Itch, in which a married man becomes so infatuated with her that he starts planning to cheat on his wife. The man has been reading a psychiatrist’s manuscript, which claims that all men cheat in their seventh year of marriage — which is exactly how long he’s been married. While research outcomes vary somewhat, the percentage of divorces, particularly in first-time marriages, tends to spike around the seven- or eight-year mark.

Of course, by the seven-year mark, partners are well past the honeymoon phase — and issues may have begun to arise. “With added time, marital struggles can include issues like poor communication and listening skills, a lack of empathy, and partners having unrealistic expectations of one another,” Dr. Borland explains. The seventh year of marriage may have symptoms of the 'itch' which includes:

A lack of physical and/or emotional intimacy.

Poor communication

Increased conflict, including arguing, hurtful words or criticism.

Keeping secrets from your partner.

Not spending much or meaningful time together.

Taking one another for granted and/or feeling unappreciated.

A lack of trust.

Fantasizing about infidelity

There may be some truth to the seven-year-itch because when marriages end, usually some time has passed since the wedding. In fact, the average length of a marriage prior to divorce is eight years. Some of the most common reasons for divorce include disagreements over money, infidelity, lack of communication, passive aggressive behavior and more. Other reasons for divorce include longer life expectancy, which may compel older couples to divorce, or the mental and emotional strain that comes with having young children. 

If you make it past year eight, then comes year ten.

“After a decade together, turning into roommates becomes a big risk as partners can slowly over the years take their focus off of each other and give all of their attention to dealing with day-to-day life,” Kurt Smith, a therapist who specializes in counseling men, told HuffPost. “Couples can easily turn into partners in managing a family or life, rather than partners in love.”

Partners can become bored with each other.  Boredom in a marriage is usually a sign that you and your partner have started taking each other ― and the relationship ― for granted, said psychotherapist, Tina Tessina.

Your sex life may fade. A couple's sex life may ebb and flow over the years for any number of reasons: physical or mental health issues, having kids, side effects of certain medications, stress, relationship problems, and sleep issues, among many others. Sex therapists say those dips are totally normal. But if you’re not committed to getting back on track, the sexual dry spells can end up lasting longer and longer, leaving one or both partners feeling rejected and disconnected.

“Many couples sacrifice their dreams in order to maintain stability when initially building a relationship and family,” couples therapist Kari Carroll said. “But by 10 years, they are realizing that life is calling, and they must negotiate how to help both themselves and their partner achieve greater fulfillment.”

“Early on in marriage, we can have a great amount of graciousness with each other as our love for each other makes up for all shortcomings or failures,” Smith said. “Sadly, as a marriage matures, the patience can fade.”

Early on in a relationship, you’ll find any excuse to celebrate: your eight-month anniversary, making it through a tough week of work or National Margarita Day. But as time goes on, those celebrations may become less and less frequent.

There seems like there are several reasons for a marriage, once out of the honeymoon phase, to enter Death Valley. But people have had long lasting marriages. HOW!!

This is what people who have been married for over 25 years have to say:

KEEP THE PEACE. Try not to fight like high schoolers—don’t play games, give the silent treatment, argue over the same things over and over, or bring up past issues in every subsequent fight.

KEEP GROWING. Expect and accept change. No one remains stagnant for twenty-five years, nor should they. You may sometimes feel like you’re with someone different than the person you married long ago. But if basic values, ethics, and morals are the foundation of a person’s character, growth can add to marital satisfaction instead of taking away from it.

STAY FLEXIBLE. Roll with the punches. As this past year has shown, you have to keep reinventing your relationship to withstand what has been thrown at you. Never consider yourself too old to switch up ‘roles’ within the marriage—if you change things up, you’ll have a fresh window into your partner’s life.

SHOW YOUR LOVE. It’s important to do little things on a regular basis to show your love.

DON'T KEEP SCORE. Don’t keep score or rate who does more. A good partner knows when to step in, when to take over and when to encourage you to keep moving forward—not get caught up in keeping tabs. 

KEEP LAUGHING. 

DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. Remember it’s a marathon, not a sprint, so pace yourself and pick your battles carefully. It’s easy to argue about the silliest of things but does it really matter how the dishwasher gets loaded or the car gets packed before going on a road trip? You come to realize it’s crazy to ruin an evening together or a trip away over stuff like this.

KEEP IT A PARTNERSHIP.

FINISH THE FIGHT. Never go to bed mad at each other—end a fight then and there so nothing carries over into the next day. And don’t lose sight that every couple fights, it’s about how well you move on and process things that matters.

SUPPOERT EACH OTHER'S INTERESTS. Having separate interests is key to a happy marriage. 

REMAIN FRIENDS. For a marriage to be successful, both husband and wife need to view themselves as partners—you are no longer just yourself, you have another half to constantly consider.

ACKNOWLEDGE WHO YOU ARE MARRYING. Be sure you’re marrying your friend. You need to really, really, really like the person you are marrying just the way they are as there’s no changing someone after the fact.

KEEP THE NORTH STAR IN SIGHT. Be determined to see it through—divorce is never an option. Be willing to follow the journey.

Those married people put in a lot of work!! One BIG reason they probably made it to 25 years of marriage and beyond, is they never called or entertained that their marriage was in a 'murder phase." All of the work they put into each other, and marriage was for it to LIVE, not DIE. 

Whether the seven-year-itch is real or not, an itch is just that, an itch. Itches go away even without scratching. Marriages can go well beyond the honeymoon phase with thought and effort. Prime numbers be damned! You picked each other for a reason. They were your ONE. Surely, those 15 annoying things they do, do not outweigh the fact that they chose you and you chose them.

Women Want To Get Married Today?

  

It is almost Valentine's Day and many women are waiting and hoping for the PROPOSAL. Candy, flowers, and jewelry are fine, but women prefer to become the MRS. At Valentine's Day time, women seem to be in love more so than any other month. Do woman really want a husband or do they just want others to know someone wants them?

    If you follow Facebook, all you will read is a woman wanting to get married. Women dream of a man asking them to be his. They may just be caught up in the fantasy of a man loving them enough to marry them because research is showing women are NOT in a rush to say ‘I do’ anymore. When they do finally find that special someone they are willing to marry, you may be surprised to know the science or lack thereof on how he becomes the lucky little fellow. Below are some statistics on the marital condition of the U.S. and a few looks at how women select their mates. Get ready to be SHOCKED.

    The percentage of adults living with a spouse decreased from 52% to 50% over the past decade according to U.S. Census Bureau's annual America's Family and Living Arrangement report as of November 29, 2021.We heard many GROANS when the pandemic made us stay at home for an extended period of time with our special someone. The good news was women seemed more able to tolerate their spouse than their children for long periods of time. A win for men, but only slightly.

    Among those ages 25 to 54, 59% of all Black adults were unpartnered in 2019. What's up with that Black people? We are beautiful, have gorgeous bodies, and run urban culture and fashion but can't fall in love and marry? I need a word with yall later in another blog post. 

     Unmarried Hispanics were 38%, Whites 33%, and Asians 29%. Millennials, with the oldest being 40 now (I thought I was a Millennial. NOT) are slower to start their own households and are cohabitating more than Gen Zers. Members of the Gen Z years were born between 1997 and 2012. So as of 2023, the Gen Z age range is anywhere from 11 to 26. I have told yall NOT to shack up over and over again.

    There is NO such thing as a trial marriage to get to know each other better or to see if you get along. In MARRIAGE you will get to know each other as the years go by. Hopefully, your spouse will change and grow every decade. Each spouse has to change and grow, adapting to each others growth, or DECLINE. If you are trying to find whether your intended has faults, guess what, EVERYONE has faults. Marriages are not smooth sailing, but married people commit to OVERCOMING problems. Don't be a trial for anyone! You will always FAIL a trial. Be the person someone says, "They may not be perfect but they are perfect for me and my love for them covers anything that may annoy me or we have to work through." Cohabitating or shacking is a 'get out of jail free' card when playing married gets a little rocky. Don't live with anyone who can't determine if you are the one they want to marry. You will be doing wife/husband duty with someone who doesn't love you enough to marry. You are gambling hoping if you hang around long enough they MAY choose you. 

    Women are choosing to get higher education and to focus on their careers. Pew reported Millennials with a bachelor's degree, or more, are marrying at a higher rate than those with less education, but they are living without children. Women are earning 60% of college degrees and hitting the workplace in all areas hard. Women are preparing for a future with or without a spouse. 

    In the last 30 years, marriage rates have gone down by almost 40% and divorce rates saw a decrease to 3 out of every 1,000 of the population. DUH. If you're not marrying, you're not divorcing.

    It is predicted there will be 2.5 million weddings in 2022, the most since 1984 according to the Wedding Report, a trade group that gathered its data through a survey of vendors and consumers. Median age to marry for first time marrying adults was 38.4 for men and 28.6 for women in early 2021. WOMEN, dont waste your time on men under the age of 35 if you are serious about marriage. There are 37 million one-person households in 2021 or 21% of all U.S. households. In 2021, 34% of adults 15 and over had never been married, up from 23% in 1950.

    As much as we love our independence, we are still a flawed and socially linked, if not dependent, in matters of the heart. Women pay even more attention than men to what others THINK about their choice in a partner, according to an Indiana University study described on Jezebel.com. Women want other women to LOOK but not touch their man. If no one else wants him then women may begin to think "Why do I want him?" So, he has to be desirable to others also.

    Not only do they take notice of what their friends think, but they want to know how complete strangers assess their potential partner. It's called "mate choice copying," and it's documented in many other species, especially fish and birds. I am always amazed how women are quick to wear or purchase in mass the same thing, COPY other women's fashion. Take makeup for instance. You can distinctly see women are doing the exact same thing with makeup (contouring to drag queen status) and baby hair (the black women know what I mean by baby hair) on each and every head. Women are wearing eyelashes so big and thick they could take flight when they bat their eyelids. So, mate copying is not a far stretch to believe.

    EYE CANDY prevails for surprising reasons. New research suggests that women measure a man's potential as a mate based on the masculinity of his features. The man who has a square jaw and a very well-defined brow ridge is considered a great short-term partner because he will be adventurous, fun and exciting. He is not considered a long-term partner because he will likely be too busy with his competitive challenges than he would be on being a good partner. This may come as a shock to the Red Pill movement encouraging MASCULINITY on a nuclear scale. Science says he will be a short-term fling.

    The woman who is looking for a long-term mate will be seeking the man with gentler features, more rounded in the face and with fuller lips. This is a man who would be less likely to CHEAT on his spouse or abandon them for his adventures or more. Participants in the study overwhelmingly defined the men with the most masculine features as the men with the greatest risk.

    Romantically and statistically, when you look at the rebellious male figure in a story - his chiseled, square jaw and his emphasized brow ridges define him. He is extremely masculine, and he is extremely difficult to entreat into a long-term relationship. According to other studies in psychology, women tend to view men with very masculine features as great flings, but hardly long-term potential. These are the types of men more likely to abandon them or die young - so while their contribution to producing OFFSPRINGS is great, their potential as a mate for life is not.

    There are other explanations to be offered to mate selection and part of the answer seems to be how much your prospective partner looks like your dad. This is according to researchers at Durham University led by Lynda Boothroyd, who have shown that women who have good childhood relationships with their fathers are more likely to select partners whose faces resemble those of their dads. 

    The researchers were looking for evidence of parental sexual imprinting, a sexual preference for individuals that have some of the characteristics of one's parent.  There is no doubt my daughters want a husband just like dad in character and I won't be surprised if he has features like their father too. Creepy for me to have replicas of my husband hanging around as a son-in-law.

    A group of women were shown photographs of men's faces and asked to rate their attractiveness. The faces were measured (using calipers) and compared to the women's fathers. The women were also asked to rate their relationships with their fathers, in terms of how much time he spent with them and how emotionally involved he was in their upbringing. The results proved they ranked men with features resembling their fathers as attractive.
    
    The study follows on from an earlier effort by another researcher, Tamas Bereczkei, showing that men's wives bore a stronger resemblance to the men's mothers if they had had a good relationship with them as children. The phenomenon of parental sexual imprinting has also been heavily studied in many animal species, for example zebra finches.

    Men complain women confuse and frustrate them to no end. There is so much scientific information regarding attraction and how our minds work in that area. Nothing is exact because most of us are so DYSFUNCTIONAL and UNHEALTHY in many areas of our being, but you can get a clue or red flags. I find so much helpful information when I just look into what my goals are. I do believe once we become our best selves' things fall into place. But we rarely want to do any work on ourselves. We will change or cut our hair, get a new look fashion-wise, and use the right buzz words, but rarely do we change our character and how we show up in life. My YouTube channel deals with a return to health; mentally, spiritually/religiously, financially, sexually, relationally, and physically before we invite a romantic partner into our lives.

    In the Bible, marriage and family ranks very high. We are beginning to find no relevance in marriage anymore due to various reasons. With all the information above it is evident there must first be the ‘DESIRE’ to marry. I hope we women have not given up on this institutionof marriage because of a long laundry list of everything that must be perfect for us to marry, because *****NEWS FLASH****** marriage isn’t perfect. For more wonderful marriage statistics:

http://www.prb.org/Articles/2010/usmarriagedecline.aspx.

Please buy my book When Will Eve Be Forgiven? to understand the value of women to creation and how to have healthy selfesteem available on amazon.com. PLEASE like, comment, and share.