In the winter, gardeners dream of spring. Spring begins the dramatic awakening of a gardener's vision. People who have the great luck to pass by a gardener's creative display of lovingly selected plants in a garden only see the resulting beauty of the garden. To the passing onlooker, the garden is stunning. What they have no idea about is there is a gardener who is or have taken note with much disappointment of all of the failures of their garden.
I am a gardener. I can speak firsthand about the life of a gardener. Many people who do not garden may believe the gardener is a person with a magical GREEN THUMB because their plants are so glorious. They will tell a gardener this and sometimes a gardener will try to tamp down such a wonderful compliment. Why? Because that gardener knows for every healthy, beautifully blooming plant they have, there were probably ten that didn't live. The compliment made the memory of the plants that died flash through their mind. Many gardeners mourn the loss of plants that would have made their garden even more stunning and actually completed their vision which they anticipated all winter.
When people/visitors come to my home, they will eww and ahh at my flowers. I usually stand somewhat baffled blinking my eyes rapidly trying to join in on how pretty my flowers are. I have to hold back, which I have yet to successfully master, not telling them, "This is not even close to the way it should look. There was supposed to be more plants here. More plants there. The gaps in the garden are horrible and I have several plants not doing as well as they should right now." A gardener is never FULLY able to take a compliment. Oops. I used the word NEVER. Remember. Never say ALWAYS or NEVER about something because it usually doesn't hold up.
The one thing that causes a gardener the most ANXIETY is the weather. It is the one thing a gardener cannot bend to their will. If the weather man wants to know who his demographic is, he should be assured it is gardeners. Gardeners make sure to know what the weather forecast is. Predicted heavy rain, wind, cold, snow, freeze, high temps, and drought, can send a gardener scrambling to protect their plants in the garden. Gardeners hit social media searching and asking for advice and tips how to get their beloved plants through the extremes of predicted weather. After they have done all of the precautionary measures to protect their plants, they sit and wait.
The waiting is hard. It is a feeling of HELPLESSNESS. Their mind wanders to what CAN be the outcome. Then they spend the rest of the waiting period trying to convince themselves everything will be okay. They begin to still themselves by telling themselves it's only plants. They are replaceable. But their gardener SPIRIT knows that the plant they picked out on a certain day as a plant they must have for their garden for specific reasons, selected the best spot for that plant to survive and thrive, possibly amended the soil to suit that plant, watered it in until it adjusted to the garden and began to produce new leaves and roots, kept an eye on it daily for signs of stress or insect invasion, and finally saw their efforts of their nurturing paying off, the plant was growing taller, wider, and finally producing flowers or fruit, if lost, would cause them grief.
Gardeners recall failures in the garden, it seems, just as much as successes in the garden. My garden was among the many in the severe drought of the summer of 2023. My garden did not receive rain from early May through mid-November. I couldn't believe it just would not rain. I diligently watered my plants until the scorching temperatures of July and the ever-biting mosquitos made it impossible for me to water them. I was BEAT DOWN. My mind knew the fate of my plants enduring the high temperatures of 100 plus degrees daily and lack of rain. There was nothing to do but to retreat and save MYSELF from the extreme weather. I knew every day my plants were suffering and there would be losses. Remember how I said the waiting phase was brutal for a gardener. Not only did I have to wait out the drought, but I would also have to wait out the winter to see the tragic results of plant that did not survive when spring emerged.
I am feeling the pains of loss of flowers as I write this. No matter the situation, people have a tendency to always mourn WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN whether with a past relationship or a missed career opportunity. Gardeners also think about what could have been.
Back to the ALWAYS and NEVER statement I should not have said. There are so many quotes about pain and suffering and most sum up to the quote, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." It applies to gardening so well.
A gardener dreams and plans their garden each year with visions of making it a place they can enjoy taking in its beauty. It may take years to bring their vision into reality due to random destructive acts of nature, but they never quit. Gardeners are tenacious and resilient. They become more able to rebound from what MOTHER NATURE throws at them. They become more entuned and partnered with nature instead of a victim of nature. They begin to CALM and enjoy what they have and not focus on what could have been. This is a SEASONED gardener though. I'm talking about a person who has gardened over 10 plus years. They are able to go WITH the flow of nature and ADMIRE how it shows up and its power. The ANIMOSITY between the two ENDS.
I guess the seasoned gardener can because in the ten years of gardening they have gotten close or maybe have achieved what they wanted to achieve in their garden and now they are in the PLAY PHASE.I call it the play phase because the gardener is now doing little tweaks and little subtle additions to their garden. The backbone of their garden, design, and showstoppers of the garden have been thriving for years now. Now they are adding plants as whimsy and for the simple joy of EXPERIMENTING to see what will happen. They KNOW which faithful plants will return each year no matter what the weather brings, and they know which plants won't when they add them to their garden. They were a temporary addition. Their perseverance and resolve have paid off and they now feel like a MASTER GARDENER, at least when it comes to THEIR garden.
The beginner gardener though, suffers. They question whether they have the coveted GREEN THUMB. They wonder if the people who pass by their garden will find it pretty. They face so many FAILS in the garden to the point of feeling some shame in their ability to garden. Don't lose hope. We all have been there.
Little do they know that a gardener's life is like LIFE in general. In life we face extremes also. We experience failures too. We have those helpless/hopeless moments of waiting for outcomes we picture in our mind as catastrophic. We steal ourselves when we have to face the results. In life as in the garden, you must not condemn yourself or curse the outside forces. You must remain focused on your vision, remain tenacious in trying to achieve it, and resilient when unforeseen situations out of your control occur. You partner with life and its rhythms, know your foundation remains, and enjoy the beauty of what you do have. There WILL be time when you think of what could have been, but you must love and see the beauty of what you DO have. People, in time, do notice and say how pretty and grand your hard work is. Within you, you will still see the empty places where things have died or didn't come to be. You have to HEAR and internalize the compliments given saying, "I have seen what you have done. It is beautiful"
Gardeners go through a lot of emotions. When they face losses or failures in their garden, they feel that too and have the appropriate responses to loss and failure. They OVERCOME those feelings and continue on. They complete their vison and dream. They are not quitters. They have wonderful stories to tell and tricks of the trade they've LEARNED through the years. Gardeners do not just grow plants, they grow THEMSELVES.
If you have the chance, walk and tour a garden of a seasoned gardener. Most of them are welcoming and would love for you to tour their garden. Ask them questions about their garden and really listen to them. As they talk about their garden, they are sharing WISDOMS that can transfer into daily life. Memories to cherish and memories to let go. Look at the expression on their face as they talk about their plants. I bet you will see expressions of tender love for certain plants and pride for certain plants. In their garden, the energy is so positive until it should be bottled and shared.
One thing people who do not garden but enjoy flowers says to a gardener is, "I wish I had the TIME to garden but I'm too busy." My advice is refrain from saying that to a gardener. Because if other gardeners are like me, I feel sorry for that person. Gardening offers so much including slowing down in life and not doing so much until you do not have TIME. Gardening makes you aware and appreciative of time. It shows you what can happen in seasons of time. You can have unexpected losses in time out of your control, so you FOCUS on the good that you do have. Gardening allows you to dream and grow. The gardener gets to witness delightful SURPRISES like a flower randomly changing from its original color to another color or a plant popping out of nowhere that a bird must have contributed to their garden or a plant deciding to seed itself in the most unusual place and outperform their parent in a perfect place to live. Gardeners greet their gardens with the expectation of seeing something beautiful in their day and the garden delivers much more so than it disappoints. Gardening, the gardener knows, is something you should make time for, but they respectfully do not tell the person so. They do not tell them they are missing a LOVE AFFAIR on an unexplainable scale.
If you have ever had the pleasure to see a garden which you viewed as pretty, beautiful, or gorgeous, just know that gardener has seen some things and been through some things. But also know you are seeing the results of a person who doesn't take NO for an answer. They can adjust to what is thrown at them, recover from grief, not afraid to try again, take risks, have the ability to nurture the sickliest, and delight in small surprises. They have something, their garden, to add beauty to their day daily. They are a WHOLE person in my view. Now, not every gardener is a SWEET person outside of their garden. But a garden tames the savage beast just like music does. You will notice the monster of a person is different when, if they do, gives a garden tour and talk about their plants.
After an argument with one of my daughters she said to me, "Life is not all butterflies and flowers!" I laughed (not a good thing to do in an argument) and said, "My life is butterflies and flowers because I plant the hundreds of flowers and I sit and watch the many butterflies as they feed on the flowers. Your life may not be filled with butterflies and flowers, but mine is in every sense of the words." And it was not a flippant comeback. My garden is the place I went to just sit and unwind from the argument. It was where I released my negative energy by putting my bare feet on the coolness of the green grass. It was where my mind was able to see beauty and remember the beauty of my daughter who I also lovingly cared for and was a lasting foundation. Our argument was just like a bad weather system. Stormy weather that comes and it goes, and you continue on knowing you can recover and produce more beautiful things. She is lucky my life IS all butterflies and flowers.
To the gardeners who have been gardening 25 plus years, I know your gardener's spirit. I have been gardening for 32 years and have been complimented by many and even wrote a book about a year-long gardening journal I kept, Diary of a Wannabe Gardener, 20 years ago. Every agony of gardening was expressed in it including my HATE relationship with WEEDS. My suffering is evident in the book. But I grew and became a different. My garden grew me.
To all of my fellow gardeners, you are amazing, and your gardens are beautiful. Thank you for adding some beauty to this world through all of your private suffering.
