Three weeks ago, I was at an outdoor wedding. Of course, the bride was running late, and the guests gathered were left to self-entertain by critiquing the decorations and other guests fashion choices. It was quite impressive as far as the attire of the guests. Many of the guest wore the color theme of blue and yellow. The many maids of honor and best men, and escorts for the maids of honor wore the electric blue and yellow the bride had chosen.
I homed in on the one dreaded thing that affects every wedding and what every bride feared, a baby or a toddler. Guess what? The adorable little boy toddler in his black suit with cummerbund was directly in front of me with his elegantly dressed mother. Mom had extensions down to her butt, long manicured nails, six-inch black stiletto heels, and a bodycon black dress topped off with the latest pair of sunglasses. Both mother and child were extremely attractive. But everyone knew what was going to occur before the wedding ceremony was over. That toddler was going to cry at the most inopportune moment.
While waiting on the bride to appear, the toddler entertained himself with pushing on and off the safety alert button key for the family vehicle. The horn would blare for a minute and stop only to start the cycle over and over again. The horn blowing did not seem to bother the mother and she allowed the little boy to continue playing with the vehicle. None of the guests seemed to mind the horn blaring and continued to chit chat among themselves. But I knew more was yet to come.As on cue, the little boy started to kick dirt on his mother's shoe for fun. Mom didn't like this and swooped up the boy to her lap. He didn't like his freedom being taken away and wormed and twisted to get out of her lap. And then it happened. The four rapid fire strikes of the mother's hand to the toddler's bottom and the whispered threat of more to come if he didn't stop. Of course, his crying and worming to wiggle free continued in earnest now. The mother repeated the swats to his bottom, this time harder as she rammed a sippy cup into his mouth with another warning of more hits to come. The toddler settled down, sucked his juice from his cup, and the quest for freedom stopped along with his cries. But as predicted, the episode of toddler misbehaving and getting spanked happened two more rounds before the mother retreated to her vehicle with the child not to be seen again until the reception.
It is always difficult for me to witness young children getting spanked. People swear by spanking children as the best thing they can do for them and dismiss any scientific study on the subject. Adults say it was the best thing their parents did for them and are more than proud of the adult they have become. The debate whether to spank or not to spank is always dead in the water because those who do it and those who have received it base this form of punishment on the soundness/wellness of their own MIND and CHARACTER and even RELIGION.
It is difficult to look at a perpetrator of physical punishment (spankings) and recipient of physical punishment (spankings) and say the word ABUSE. Like it or not physical punishment has been defined by the scientific community as abuse. It is a crime to physically get an adult to do things your way (an adult) or change their behavior by the use of physical power on them. No adult will tolerate their actions being influenced by the use of physical force. Parenting is seen differently because the intent is to TEACH right and wrong. What if schoolteachers used physical discipline at their discretion to teach right and wrong daily instead of just grading papers and tests? Teachers in the past did whip children for behavior problems, but what if they did it for all instances of right and wrong correction to children? Parents have drawn a line saying they should be the only adult trusted to spank their own child.
Science has clearly put forth with data that spanking children (keep in mind boys are spanked more frequently than girls) lead to:
1. Aggression
2. Anti-social behavior
3. Mental health problems
4. Negative parent-child relationships
5. Impaired cognitive ability
It can be seen clearly in males that there is a problem with aggression and difficulty following the laws of society leading to incarceration at young ages. Boys are spanked and told not to cry (to not have any emotion about pain). Those who are incarcerated exhibit mental health issues the system is ill-equipped to handle/resolve. At young ages boys demonstrate anti-social behaviors such as fighting and controlling jealous ways in early childhood relationships. Young men tend to drop out of school and those who graduate do not seek higher education possibly due to impaired cognitive ability. The don't cry at pain experienced may be a reason why men can inflict pain on others randomly without caring.
Children who are spanked are being taught that physical contact is how you change a person's behavior. PAIN EQUALS CHANGE. Putting hands on someone is how to change outcomes, not provlem solving which includes thought and formulations, maybe compromise, or working together to achieve a desired outcome, or help from outside resources as needed, but most of all communication. Women have long since time began said my husband does not know how to communicate. He doesn't talk to me. Remember, boys are communicated more so with spankings. Men will rise to an occasion that requires protection/violence. Other needs are not that significant and pressing and may not even register to him for his attention or concern.
Even with science-based studies many will use Scripture from the Bible as their guiding light for spanking. I often hear "Spare the rod spoil the child." People mistakenly view the rod as a tool for the spanking when the rod used in the Old Testament Bible was a staff if you will, the patriarch carried as his symbol of authority and symbol of his clan's name. Also the occupation of shepherd used a rod/staff to herd and guide his sheep. The rod and staff mentioned was used to DIRECT not beat, spank, or whip children. It symbolized belonging to a larger group and for guidance and protection. I am sure the rod/staff could and would be used as a defensive weapon to fight off predators or enemies but not to discipline.
The 23rd Psalms says a rod and staff are used for comforting, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for you are with me, your rod and staff they comfort me." There is no way that a spanking is being given during dark times nor considered a comfort in this passage, but the security of knowing the person is being guided by words of instruction is. and not left alone without the consul of someone wise and in authority.
There is more scripture regarding the rearing of children and exactly where the phrase spare the rod spoil the child originates in Proverbs 13. Proverbs 13 means you should follow the commandments, listen to the wise, be clever, have good sense, and be a faithful messenger. It is Proverbs 13:24 people point to for permission to spank children. It states, "Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. Trouble pursues the sinner, but the righteous are rewarded with good things. A good person leaves an inheritance for their children's children, but a sinner's wealth is stored up the righteous. An unplowed feild produces food for the poor, but injustice sweeps it away. Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them. The righteous eat to their hearts' content, but the stomach of wicked goes hungry."
In modern English you can find discipline defined as unsing punishment (physical, mental, emotional) to acheive a goal that is considered moral and right within society, families, etc. But it's funny we choose to use physcal punishment only on children and not adults to teach lessons and to discourage bad behavior. Why don't we have laws that whip adults for driving drunk, speeding, road rage, tardiness at work, public drunkeness, etc.?
I know this post was just a waste of time. Spanking is so much easier and give quick satisfying results. Spankings also produces long term results. Spanking is a form of problem solving. Spanking shows how to guide a person. Spanking shows how to get people to obey and submit. Spanking is using physical force by a dominant trusted authority figure who's job it is to guide a child into adulthood. All spankings relate is pain equals change. And that ishow this generation has been handling life; using physicallity wherever they go and with whomever they run into and we hear about the murders nightly on the news. A murder is quick satisfying results disciplining someone who went against you, disagreed with you, rolled their eyes at you, but has lasting consequenses. People are left dumbfonded how something so simple esculated to murder. Pain equals change. Putting hands on people was exampled for years as spankings for problem solving, not communication, compromise, calmness.
People say it's spoiled children out here creating all of this nonsense. Well, if we say as it's known abused children grow up to be abusers if the cycle isn't broken. Then shouldn't spoiled children grow up to spoil others? And what does spoiled children mean? Never been hit? Got away with things? No one never telling them no? Loved too much? Given too much? What is meant by spoiled children are the youth running wild now? I garauntee the troubled children causing problems and ending up in jail are not spoiled children. The majority have a story to tell you about their childhood.
Anyway thanks for reading. It was done in love as always. Glad to be back posting after my long break. Glad to know some of you missed me.
No comments:
Post a Comment