INTERVIEW: Deb Wilk, bipolar disorder

WELCOME TO WEDNESDAY WITH WOMEN

I have the absolute honor of introducing writer and children's author Deb Wilk who has been diagnosed as having BIPOLAR DISORDER. She is my first interviewee on this mental health condition and I could not have wished for a better person to interview on this subject. In her interview she is candid and insightful about every aspect of living with bipolar disorder. I have often said mental illness can not be understood by a non-sufferer if the sufferer themselves don't understand how the illness affects them. Deb Wilk is completely in tune with herself as she lives a fulfilling happy life managing a chronic health condition enabling her to be an invaluable resource on the subject for others through her blog. I cannot express enough what a gem of a interview this first of many interviews, I hope, on Bipolar Disorder is for my blog audience who have been diagnosed with this illness or know someone with this illness.

1.      When were you formally diagnosed as having bipolar disorder and did you accept the diagnosis at that time?

I was formally diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 37. I did accept my diagnosis gratefully. I had known that I was mentally ill from the time I was 17 and had been searching for a diagnosis. Finding that diagnosis after two decades of suffering was actually a relief.

2.      Did you have preconceived ideas about mental illness before your diagnosis?

I had no preconceived ideas about mental illness in general before my diagnosis. The only preconceived idea I had was the personal knowledge that I, myself was mentally ill.

3.      Did you immediately share your diagnosis with family, friends, or romantic interest?

My husband was with me on my journey to discover what was “wrong” with me. So, he knew immediately when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I did not share my diagnosis with anyone else at all. Little by little, I told family members about the illness. This was mostly because my moods and behaviors made it difficult to hide the diagnosis. I now share the diagnosis with everyone who will “listen” through my blog.

4.      Did you have to adjust your lifestyle/career/parenting/social life due to bipolar disorder?

I had to adjust everything due to bipolar disorder. I had to learn to live life in moderation, careful to adjust my sleep cycle, my diet and exercise, and to guard against anything that might trigger a manic or depressive episode. Socially, I had to gather a “support network” of special friends and family around me who were loving, supportive, and who would be honest with me if they felt that my moods might be degenerating. As a parent, I had to learn to be far more patient and reasonable than I had been prior to my diagnosis and treatment. My career had always been tricky. I was a workaholic in both school and in my early career. This fueled my mania, which further fueled my workaholism. It worked for me until I crashed. I had to learn to slow down. That was even more difficult than the manic-workaholic cycle.

5.      How does the mania side affect you as well as the depressive side or show up in your life?

Occasionally, mania has given me tremendous energy that makes me feel like I can accomplish anything. This is especially true when I am working on some type of creative or work-related project. However, more often than not, I am extremely irritable and unfocused when I am manic. Due to the fact that I am working on many creative projects these days, I must control this mood state with the coping skills I’ve learned so I don’t transition to mania. Depressive episodes are more common and harder to control. For instance, I went through an episode a year ago that lasted for nearly 6 months and was unable to do much of anything. (This was caused by the fact that I stopped taking an anti-depressant “booster” medication.) Depression is far more sneaky than mania. I don’t always feel it coming.

6.      One thing about being bipolar is guilt/regret about certain actions you may have done during mania/depression. Have you experienced this? Share if you can.

I feel regret about so many things I did when I was manic. There were too many violent episodes to count, particularly directed against my husband. I am blessed in that he has always stood by me and never held any of those actions against me, understanding that it was the illness, not me, doing the things that I did. The one thing I deeply regret is that I was not a good mother to my children prior to diagnosis and stabilization. Although they have forgiven me and also understand that the illness drove my behavior, they are clearly scarred. I will never forgive myself for that. 

7.      Do you have to have a recovery time/period? If so, how important is it to your well-being?

Although I had that one bout of depression last year, my moods are normally very stable. I take very good care of myself and do everything I’m supposed to do. On a very regular basis, I meditate, practice deep breathing and yoga, and spend quiet time alone. I write a lot and do additional things that make me happy. Doing this consistently is terrific for my well-being.

8.      Bipolar disorder is difficult to treat with medicine. Everyone is different and usually must try out several medications or a cocktail of medications. Have you experienced this and how did it affect you going through trial and error of taking different medications?

I am on a cocktail of 6 different medications. It took an exceedingly long time to get this cocktail exactly right and I’m not exaggerating when I say it was probably 4 - 6 years before it worked well. We had to start with one medication, swap it for a different one, and adjust dosages. Then we tried another and adjusted dosages again. This continued ad nauseam. Sometimes when a new medication was added, an old medication had to be dropped. I have always had difficulty finding medications that fight my depression. Even now, we have had to add a “booster” medication to help the anti-depressants. That one is a miracle. I was never affected physically going through the trial and error of taking different medications, just mentally when a new medication did not have the desired effect. The disappointment was crushing because the process was so long. The cocktail I am on now, however, has been a game changer for me.  

9.      At this point in your life do you believe your bipolar disorder is managed? If not do you believe it can be? Are you able to live an enjoyable life now?

My bipolar disorder is exceedingly well managed, and I am leading a wonderful life. My husband and I are retired now and are having a great time together. We share many common interests but give each other space as well. In that space, I spend a lot of time writing. I have my blog, but I also have a children’s novel, “The Cottage at Clover Hill”, with a publisher. And I am working with an editor to put a book on bipolar disorder together, too. When I’m not doing that, my husband and I are living at our vacation home on the rocky coast of Maine or enjoying our peaceful Victorian in the Lakes Region of New Hampshire. We like to travel extensively as well. Yes, it’s a wonderful life.

I live in Laconia, New Hampshire, USA. I also have a vacation home in Wells, Maine, USA

My social media platforms are: Twitter: Deb Wilk@LivingBipolar   FB: livingpbdeb    LivingBipolar blog: https://livingbipolar.blog 

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