Are You A First Born Child?

 

     Most people will try anything to get an upper hand on life. Some resort to astrology to find out how they can better be in control of an unknowable day. Control has been the issue for man throughout history; trying to figure out how to live in a chaotic world.

     Man perfected the invention of gods that could be coaxed by spells and rituals into doing favorable deeds for him, making him feel more secure and in control. To this unobtainable goal of gaining control of life comes one more tool: understanding one's BIRTH ORDER. 

    In the Old Testament of the Christian Bible, birth order was significant because it was the first-born male child who received the family inheritance and responsibility for carrying on the family name. 

    I happen to be the "baby" of the family and find the attributes given to "babies" of the family suit me perfectly. I want to share what the scientists have to say (enven though it is considered pop psychology) about the first born, middle, and baby child of families in three installments. Today I will unearth the thoughts behind being born as the first child. I will cover the middle child next and finish with the last child born to a family. Stay with me on this enlightening journey.

    OLDEST CHILD: The two factors that owe personality traits to first-born children are: Mom and Dad. Brand new parents tend to be overprotective, anxious, tentative, and inconsistent on one side and strict in discipline, demanding, always pushing and encouraging more and better performance on the other side. 

    The "first" child is the guinea pig as Mom and Dad try to learn the fine art of parenting. For the first-born, life is real, and life is earnest. He or she is not for surprises, they prefer to know what's happening and when it is going to happen. They tend to get more attention and notoriety than any other sibling. Can you say ENTITLED?

     Anything a first-born child does is a big deal as far as Mom and Dad and other members of the family are concerned. They are usually showered with attention and identify strongly with power. Because they didn't originally have to share their parents with younger siblings, once another child is born into the family they could/would become anxious, emotionally intense, and/or prone to jealous rages. Little darlings huh?

    A common characteristic of a first-born child person is his confidence in being taken seriously by those around him. They are known for their strong powers of concentration, tolerance, and patience, and being organized and conscientious. The list also includes perfectionistic, reliable, list makers, critical, serious, scholarly, goal-oriented, achiever, self-sacrificing, people pleasers, conservative, supporters of law-and-order, believer in authority, and ritual, legalistic, loyal, self-reliant. Hey! Just CHILL already.

    The legal profession is filled with first born as well as world leaders. Another trait of first born is that they are cautious and have risk aversion, so they are less likely to be physically daring but I have found them intellectually daring and ambitious.

    Birth order affect jobs/roles one takes on in a family such as helper and confidant. The most responsibility is given to the oldest and then chronologically disperses after that. If the oldest child is a daughter, she is often viewed prematurely by her mother as a little grown up. I HATE when children are robbed of their childhood having to forego play for adult duties and responsibilities. Duties and chores are two different things.

    Firstborns are reprimanded and punished earlier and more severely than their younger siblings. Right now, first borns are nodding their heads in agreement knowing their younger sisters and brothers did not get into trouble in the same way for doing the same bad things they had done. I bet you punched them for it because your parents didn't😅

    Historically speaking, first born children were less likely to die during infancy, were less susceptible to diseases, and as adults more likely to reproduce. Alright. I have to admit that you first born do sound pretty impressive. But my time (baby) in the spotlight is coming so don't get too full of yourself.

 TIPS FOR MAKING BIRTH ORDER WORK FOR YOU THE FIRST-BORN

1. Take smaller bites of life. Do not get involved in too many activities at once. Leave time for yourself. 2. Work on saying no. Know your limits. You can't do everything and please everyone.

3. Remember, your parents may have had higher expectations for you than other siblings. It's fine to do a little less and enjoy life a little more.

4. You are known to ask a lot of questions and want all the details, this is fine, don't apologize for this trait. 

5. You are a cautious, careful person. Don't let people pressure you into jumping into things/situations when you would prefer to take your time to make a decision. 

6. If you are the serious type, try to develop a sense of humor. 

7. Never apologize for being conscientious and over organized.    To all of the first-born children whose parents tied all of their hopes and dreams in, we are sorry for using you as the benchmark for whether or not we were good parents. But, if we failed with the first child, no one could have convinced us that we would have done better with the rest of the children. Parents have a strong need to "get it right" and we do not get practice children. 

    The positive of this parenting experiment is the fact that the first born have leadership skills that can take them a long way in life. Having high expectations are good but should be framed within healthy obtainable goals. Hopefully, parents don't dream the impossible dream for their kids, but give them the encouragement to dream for themselves.