Men or Women Lie the Most?

     

     The going joke this time of year is that he starts a fight with you to break up, so he doesn't have to buy you a Valentine's Day gift (ditto for Christmas). The only thing funny about this joke is NOTHING because it may be true.

    This wonderful time of year filled with love, whether faked love, love out of convenience, or the real deal made me wonder, "Who lies more in relationships, men or women?"

    Seems like there would be an easy answer to this question. Men say women lie the most with venom dripping from their lips as they answer the question. Women say men lie the most with a role of their eyes and acceptance of it as a fact to live with and become use to. But the truth is - we all lie so much it's hard to declare a true winner. The difference is - What men and women lie about the most.

    There are 3 types of lies. THE BLACK LIE benefits the liar at a cost for another person (why it's called BLACK I have a problem with). THE ALTRUISTIC LIE benefits another person at a cost for the liar. THE PARETO WHITE LIE benefits both the liar and another person. The three types of lies were found in a study of 8.728 people in a meta-analysis where males were significantly more likely to tell black lies than females told altruistic lies (Gender Differences in Lying, www.journal.sjdm.org/18/18619a/jdml18619a.html).

    Research in psychology has revealed the existence of a significant gender effect in lying behavior, depending on context and type of lie. It has been shown men's lies are more self (selfish) oriented while women's lies are more other oriented.

    Psychology Today says self-serving lies are lies people tell to make themselves look better or to spare themselves from embarrassment, punishment, blame, or from getting their feelings hurt. Men tell more of these lies than women. Kind-hearted lies are lies told with the intent of making another person look better, feel better, to spare from embarrassment, punishment, blame, or getting their feelings hurt. Women tell more of these according to Bella DePaulo Ph.D.

    For a woman, telling a partner how she feels about his family is the number one lie and second is telling her partner how she feels about his sexual technique.

    Men rank higher in how often they lie, and they consider themselves better liars than women according to researchers at the University of Portsmouth. Expert liars, according to Dr. Brianna Verigin, prefer to lie face-to-face rather than by text or e-mail. The better a person think they are at lying the more lies they tell. 

    People lie to appear important, to be the center of attention, or because they seek sympathy or acceptance according to a 2020 study. Pathological lying is a mental disorder, and they live in a fantasy world and generally have low self-esteem. Prolific liars tend to be young, male, and have higher occupational status. Most studies found no gender difference in frequency of lying.

    The best study I found studying who lies more in relationships was done in the UK: men lie more than their partners, 1 in 10 claim to do it regularly. A quarter of the population don't completely trust their current partner.

    According to a scientific study, there is one way to tell if your woman is cheating on you: if your female partner is faking orgasms, it is highly likely she is faking other aspects of your relationship too, including the part where she is faithful.

     Sign of lying include: avoiding eye contact, being vague or offering few details, body language like saying "no" but nodding the head "yes", fidgeting, rigidity, rubbing brow, playing with hair (oddly this is also the signal a woman is interested in you), slouching, defensiveness, evasive answers, perspiring on the brow, placing a barrier such as a chair/desk in front of self, saying "no" several times, smugness, stalling the conversation, unusual calmness, unusual voice fluctuation, and unwillingness to touch spouse/partner during the conversation.

    The sad truth is we are lying human beings and we do it often. It's all about the lies we are willing to accept or overlook in our relationships. No one likes to be lied to, but sometimes lies will do until we are ready to face the truth.

      The truth is Valentine's Day reveals if you are that special someone or if he is just not that into you. A breakup during Valentine's season is truly a crushing thing but taking him back after Valentine's Day is over tells more about the woman than the man. I do believe it is not fair to have a set aside day forcing a man to demonstrate his love monetarily. He should be demonstrating it every day in the relationship and that may not be through how much or how he spends money on a woman. He should be making you feel special at all times so all of your hopes and dreams of him loving you won't be expected on just one day leading to disappointment. 

    Men, on the other hand, get over on Valentine's Day. All it takes is a balloon and a few roses to any woman to convince her she is the one when she is only one of many or the new set up. Valentine's Day is the player of the year most active day. It's his Olympic gold medal day. He can say I love you without even saying it with a teddy bear or a box of candy. On thirsty Valentine's Day, women wait and wait for their present, a declaration of love when upon rising that day she already knows the status of her relationship in her heart. So, there is a chance he is lying to you, or you are lying to yourself. What's the difference with so much lying going on throughout the year?

    Those of you with the real deal called love, congratulations. Long live love. It does exist and it is a beautiful thing. Those who do not have anyone at this time of year, never give up. Who knows, you may end up with love that shows up for more than one day of the year.