Of all of the birth orders I have written about the first-born, middle child, last-born, the only child sounds totally out there in the weeds.
So, let's dive in.
ONLY CHILD Psychologists G. Stanley Hall and E.W. Bohannon were two of the earlier psychologists to study the only child looking for characteristics they possessed. Hall gathered from his research and has said being an only child was a "disease itself" and Bohannon said they have a "marked tendency to peculiarities" that are of the "disadvantageous" variety. Ouch. That has to sting.
Their research findings went on to describe the only child as spoiled, self-absorbed, selfish, maladjusted, bossy, antisocial, and lonely. They have trouble getting along with coworkers, they display hypersensitivity to criticism, and have poor social skills. In a community sampling it was reported children between the ages of 6-11 had a greater risk of mental disorders. Thankfully Hall's and Bohannon's work was eventually discredited, and their research considered flawed.
Did I scare the crap out of all of you only children?
Dr. Kevin Lamar, who I have used as my resource for the characteristic traits on birth order, says the only child is just a first-born times ten. You can exhale now. They are reliable, conscientious, list makers, don't like surprises, and are little adults by age 7.
Psychologist Toni Falbos research showed only children surpassed children with siblings in their achievements, character, intelligence, adjustment, sociability, and parent-child relationship. They have proven to be smarter, more autonomous, more well-behaved, and more mature than their peers. They are usually wise beyond their years. And there happens to be a rise in only children. Parents/single parents are opting to have one child and parents of one child report having more marital satisfaction.
Only children have higher achievement motivation due to their greater share of parental resources, expectations and scrutiny exposing them to greater reward and greater likelihood of punishment for falling short. You can never say "She/He did it." No no. It was you and only you.
It must be noted that only children who grew up in the one child policy China had, are found to be less trusting, less trustworthy, less likely to take risks, less competitive, less optimistic, less conscientious, and more prone to neuroticism. Being exposed to other children such as cousins, children in the neighborhood, or childcare was not a substitute for siblings.
There is a consensus that only children are sensitive and get their feelings hurt easily and prefer older children as playmates or adult company. The only child has shown that they can think outside of the box and display creativity. Adult only children need affirmation and positive feedback in the way their parents gave them affirmation and feedback as a child. In social settings it takes them a little time to warm up, but they are capable of being sociable.
WHAT TO KNOW AS AN ONLY CHILD.
1. Don't beat yourself up for failures
2. Be open to new ideas
3. You don't always have to take the lead
4. Be open to relationships/friendships in your own age group
5. Know conflict can be positive and can't be avoided all of the time. Don't run. Learn to problem solve
6. Learn to have thicker skin
7. Learn to ask for help
8. Be able to admit when you are wrong
9. Learn to share and compromise
10. Recognize it is okay to need and have alone time
Parents are encouraged to avoid overindulging their only child, do not treat them like a fellow adult in the household before they are adults, socialized them with their peers, have realistic expectations of/for them, give them chores to teach responsibility, and don't be their constant source of entertainment. I don't know about other parents but for 5 or six years I was my child's jungle gym. They were always climbing on me or over me for fun. I was the only one in the entire house who could watch Barney or Comfy Couch and all of the Disney movies with them. I was their favorite TOY. I was their entertainment against my will. To tell the truth, you will miss those torturous times once they are grown. I don't know of a teen child who doesn't dump you as a parent for some other form of entertainment. They don't even remember wanting you with them, playing with them. You will become the not 'fun' person. Don't worry about that one.
There you have it. The only child in all of their glory. Many birth order researchers have said whenever there is at least a ten-year age gap between sibling then each child will have the traits of an older child. I know one family with three first-born children due to their spacing within the family. Many people suggest only children are lonely, but research shows they are very adept at keeping themselves amused and enjoy alone time. this is the one group of children where it is emphasized there are many incorrect stereotypes.
I believe only children are falling victim to HATERS because they have the parent's undivided attention and resources. They don't have to experience sibling rivalry or sharing clothes or wearing hand-me-downs. They get to experience close knit parent relationships and are very close to their parents. This hating has led people to believe incorrectly they cannot possibly know how to share anything and act like brats because they are used to being paid all of the attention but didn't we say that about the first-born and last-born?
Every child go through struggles as their bodies and mind grows. There are many factors besides birth order affecting them as they grow. The one thing that remains important for all children is that they feel safe and loved while they grow into adults. I hope in some way I have influenced you to take a moment and ponder your own birth order and what it can mean as well as your child's birth order if you have children. Sometimes parenting can become overwhelming and intense as we try to get it right. I just wanted to bring a little levity and insight to the process. Thank you for reading my series on birth order.
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