For the last 3 years I have been wearing my hair in dreads. Many
people adore them; needless to say, though, many people absolutely dread
them! I'm not sure if its just that they are dreads or the fact that I
choose not to style them a certain way, but everyone has a reaction and
most of them are not positive.
From rude comments at the supermarket to people staring at me in
horror, these past few years have been very bittersweet. Let's talk a
walk down memory lane.
Rewind to the winter of 2009, I was pregnant with my son Dante and
sporting a very socially acceptable head of long micro braids. Any black
girl will tell you micro braids and braids in general the go to style
for african american women everywhere as they are easy to style, always
in fashion, economical and, more often than not, the cheapest style to
get and maintain. I actually wore braids for most of my life, living out
my dream of being the fabulous teenager that Brandy always wished she
was.
There were never many times I didn't have my faithful braids with
me, except the brief moment of experimentation with sew-in weaves that I
went though once I was finally fed up with spending hours upon hours
taking those things out, and then another 4 to 6 hours usually in the
same day getting them put right back in. I'll be honest my sew-ins were
pretty amazing they were undetectable and I was always complimented for
having such “good hair”.
The thing about having those awesome undetectable sew-ins is that
if you are like me you have very thick, tightly coiled hair and that
doesn't look so glamorous and undetectable when it's blended with bone
straight mongolian tracks or extensions. In fact, it looks -- and please
forgive me for using the word, but it looks RATCHET! So in order for a
West Indian girl like me to pull off those weaves I would have to first
relax my hair so that it was straight and able to blend in with the
person who's hair I was actually wearing.
Now, I know the term "creamy crackheads" is used for women who are
supposedly addicted to relaxing their otherwise textured curly hair,
however as a woman who has relaxed my hair many times I can honestly say
there's nothing about the process that I found addictive. Maybe the
results are addictive to some, but in all seriousness it burns like
hell.
Like I said, in 2009 I was pregnant with my son and one thing all
my mother-to-be books taught me is that putting any type of chemicals on
my head while I was with child was potentially dangerous to the baby,
hence my decision to go back to the braids I'd worn all my life. I loved
my braids and they made my pregnancy much easier without having to
worry about what I would be doing with my hair everyday.
Once my son arrived I was ready to go back to sew-ins, but a phone
conversation with my best friend Chenelle lead me to consider something
different.
Chenelle had been natural for almost a year at the time and loving
it all the way. She was looking at a hair product and wasn't sold on the
reviews so I suggested that she check out some videos on it and see
what people were saying. Of course that lead to me also looking and
watching countless hours of natural hair videos.
I was impressed. All the women looked amazing and seemed to have
major self-esteem boosts from being their natural selves. I was suddenly
seriously considering the whole natural hair thing.
That July, Chenelle came up NJ to visit as she always does, but
this time she was rocking a head of the most beautiful bouncy curls I've
ever seen. I remember I could not take my eyes off of her hair or keep
my hands out of it! That night I went home and watched even more hair
journeys and started the path to my own.
After about 9 months of “transitioning,” which consisted of an
endless slew of twist-outs, braid-outs, yarn braids and even wigs to get
me though that awkward super short hair stage after I finally cut my
hair, I stumbled upon a collection of “tag” videos. It was basically a
bunch of videos by different people narrating their experiences
throughout their loc journey.
One video in particular caught my eye: it was of a beautiful girl
by the name of Moecah99. She had luscious, thick dreads and made it
undeniable that women could have dreadlocks and look beautiful, graceful
and elegant. Her video testimony was just the push I needed.
Finally on Mother's Day 2010, once again on the phone with
Chenelle, while installing yet another set of twists, I mentioned the
possibility of not taking this set out and allowing my hair to dread.
She was all for it! An hour later my decision was final and my dreadlock
journey began.
The first 8 months with my dreads I did everything I was “supposed”
to. I washed, retwisted and oiled my hair on a regular basis. However,
because my hair was still short, I got the looks! I can't deny that I
was treated like a grotesque mythological creature by almost everyone
including the father of my children. People just weren't here for it! If
I was Beyonce, my dreads were MY ugly short bob haircut.
It seemed like almost 2 years before my longtime boyfriend would
even look at me, let alone touch or acknowledge my hair, and I loved
every minute of it. I more than expected a less than favorable reaction
to my hair so I wasn't bothered, actually I get off on making people
uncomfortable by being myself and not doing anything particularly
offensive.
During my 9th month of being locked I started to take an even more
apparently offensive approach to my dreads and stopped manipulating my
hair! Some call it freeform, others call it not loving myself enough to
take care of my hair. I stopped retwisting it and started to just wash
it and let it grow.
This seems to blow minds and send people just running in fear. I am
constantly being asked “So when are you going to do your hair?” “When
is the last time you did a retwist?'' or being compared to Bob Marley
which is actually my favorite and most appreciated compliment, even when
its not meant to be.
Every trip out the front door is a new encounter with some someone
that has a problem with my hair. The stares aren't an issue. I
understand that people sometimes (or most times) act like children when
they are faced with something new, so I take my lumps when it comes to
that, but it never seems to end.
One night I was in the supermarket, standing in line, minding my
own business, when I hear someone say “That's disgusting.” When I looked
up it was a woman standing two customers ahead of me staring directly
at my hair while talking to an old man who I assumed was her father.
When he started to look to see what she was talking about, I then heard
her say, “Don't look, don't look,” but it was too late he was looking
and I could tell he wasn't liking.
What confused me was that they were with a boy who looked to be
about 15 and he had dreads (manicured of course) but even more shocking
was that the boy looked embarrassed for his less informed elders.
In situations like this I never have an emotional response, mostly
because they don't really get to me enough to garner one, if anything I
just give the much deserved blank stare that has “Are you kidding me?''
written all over it and go about my way.
Here is the thing, when I made the decision 3 years ago to loc my
hair, I expected more negative reactions than I actually get. I knew
that many people would not understand it or find the look appealing, and
when I decided to freeform and allow my hair to simply grow naturally I
knew that even some of my fellow loc wearers would have an opinion but I
made the decision for myself and will continue to wear my hair this way
because I am happy.
I tell people that deciding to wear dreads was the most selfish
decision I've ever made, and it is also one of the best. I've never been
or felt more like myself and being that I am happy with my choice;
there is nothing anyone can do or say that will ever change it. We all
have to do what makes us happy, that's what makes us different and
unique.
Pam Cakes Aug 14, 2013 at 6:00pm
**permission to use in my project pending http://www.xojane.com/beauty/my-natural-dreadlocked-hair-makes-people-uncomfortable
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